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  #1  
Old 12-11-2013, 09:23 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Default Why "Relationships"?~

How do you define love?~

A relationship in and of itself is not love to me.~

Love is a wonderful feeling to me that just happens, you can try to control it but by doing so you only end up with suffering, love does not require any thing, it asks for nothing in return including that the love given need not be returned, Jealousy is not love, Possessiveness is not love, Clingyness is not love, but Love can heal and Love can empower yourself but the moment you use that power to control other people it no longer is love it becomes a tool called "love" only in name.~

I have loved before and I love now, my love is eternal and my friendship is everlasting.~

A relationship is defined by those involved.~

I have many relationships and other things and feelings for all kinds of things.~

This is why I see myself as of a radically different mindset than many other people, because I feel no need to "define" things to "make things constant" or "stable" nor "control them" as some would.~

When I said before in other posts that I do not place "labels" on any thing, I meant it.~

Others say, "Why must we only have 1 relationship with 1 person?" well I ask, "Why we must have "relationships" and define them as such, why do we need to "define" "give constantness" "give stability" and "try to control" every thing?"~
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*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

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Old 12-11-2013, 10:23 PM
WhatToDo WhatToDo is offline
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Maybe I'm just weird but when I love someone I want to be with that person, I want that person in my life, I want to be able to communicate with that person. So yeah, a "relationship". You're talking about love in an abstract form.
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  #3  
Old 12-12-2013, 11:07 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatToDo View Post
Maybe I'm just weird but when I love someone I want to be with that person, I want that person in my life, I want to be able to communicate with that person. So yeah, a "relationship". You're talking about love in an abstract form.
Still didn't answer all my questions.~

Why "Relationships"?~ <--You've answered this question.~

How do you define love?~

Others say, "Why must we only have 1 relationship with 1 person?" well I ask, "Why we must have "relationships" and define them as such, why do we need to "define" and/or "give constantness" and/or "give stability" and/or "try to control" every thing?"~
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Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~


Last edited by ColorsWolf; 12-12-2013 at 11:32 PM.
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  #4  
Old 12-12-2013, 11:20 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I try not to define love.
I think it depends on the situation.

Sometimes; love is holding on. Sometimes it's letting go.
Sometimes love is giving a gift. Sometimes it's accepting one.
Sometimes love is a feeling. Sometimes it's an action.
Sometimes love is a passion. Sometimes it's a soft consideration.
Sometimes love is making a mess. Sometimes it's cleaning one up.

Etc.

As for relationships;I think I might define them different than you use here as well.

To me-a relationship exists anytime a connection is made. Regardless of depth.

So for example; you and I have a relationship. Because we have communicated.
My ex-girlfriend and I have a relationship (even though we only talk maybe once or twice every few years) because we have met and know each other.

Also-I love her. Loving her, means leaving her alone most of the time. Once in awhile it means letting her know something special is happening that she might want to be involved in with the girl-child she helped me raise.
Mostly it means respecting her need to not be a major part of my life.

But, loving GG means being available to him daily, giving him hugs and kisses and sometimes reassurance. Exactly the opposite thing that my ex needs from me!

Both I love-and in both cases I am actively loving them by my choice of actions. But the actions are polar opposite.

Have you ever read "The seven levels of intimacy"? It's a great book. It's kind of similar in how I see relationships. I don't see relationships as being static or definable.

GG and I are friends. Sometimes we are lovers. Sometimes not. We have been FWB. We have been FB. We have been bf, we have been best friends. We have been roommates. I have been his boss. We have been coworkers.....Sometimes we hang out a lot. Sometimes not. He is a best friend. He is a pain in the ass. He is a friend. He is a boyfriend. He is the bio-father of my youngest child. He is HIM.
But always-there was a relationship. It's just that the relationship shape is free to change whenever and however as life carries us along.

To me stability comes when you accept that changes will come and THAT IS OK. In fact, that is GOOD.

My best friend Mr. LR (no we aren't a couple and never have been); was gone from my life for 12 years due to personal priorities in his life. But when he reappeared; we are still best friends. Shrug. No questions asked in terms of "where were you". Just "hey! Nice to see ya!"

That sort of acceptance of change allows stability. Because there is no control and without control both people are free to be whatever it is that they need to be without fear. Which in turn allows you to keep bumping into each other and then like a kite-being loosed to fly to the far ends of the earth and then bump into each other again repeatedly-without fear or concern that anger or hostility will arise because you are being yourself.

(ok wow-I need to hush my mouth)
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  #5  
Old 12-12-2013, 11:35 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I try not to define love.
I think it depends on the situation.

Sometimes; love is holding on. Sometimes it's letting go.
Sometimes love is giving a gift. Sometimes it's accepting one.
Sometimes love is a feeling. Sometimes it's an action.
Sometimes love is a passion. Sometimes it's a soft consideration.
Sometimes love is making a mess. Sometimes it's cleaning one up.

Etc.

As for relationships;I think I might define them different than you use here as well.

To me-a relationship exists anytime a connection is made. Regardless of depth.

So for example; you and I have a relationship. Because we have communicated.
My ex-girlfriend and I have a relationship (even though we only talk maybe once or twice every few years) because we have met and know each other.

Also-I love her. Loving her, means leaving her alone most of the time. Once in awhile it means letting her know something special is happening that she might want to be involved in with the girl-child she helped me raise.
Mostly it means respecting her need to not be a major part of my life.

But, loving GG means being available to him daily, giving him hugs and kisses and sometimes reassurance. Exactly the opposite thing that my ex needs from me!

Both I love-and in both cases I am actively loving them by my choice of actions. But the actions are polar opposite.

Have you ever read "The seven levels of intimacy"? It's a great book. It's kind of similar in how I see relationships. I don't see relationships as being static or definable.

GG and I are friends. Sometimes we are lovers. Sometimes not. We have been FWB. We have been FB. We have been bf, we have been best friends. We have been roommates. I have been his boss. We have been coworkers.....Sometimes we hang out a lot. Sometimes not. He is a best friend. He is a pain in the ass. He is a friend. He is a boyfriend. He is the bio-father of my youngest child. He is HIM.
But always-there was a relationship. It's just that the relationship shape is free to change whenever and however as life carries us along.

To me stability comes when you accept that changes will come and THAT IS OK. In fact, that is GOOD.

My best friend Mr. LR (no we aren't a couple and never have been); was gone from my life for 12 years due to personal priorities in his life. But when he reappeared; we are still best friends. Shrug. No questions asked in terms of "where were you". Just "hey! Nice to see ya!"

That sort of acceptance of change allows stability. Because there is no control and without control both people are free to be whatever it is that they need to be without fear. Which in turn allows you to keep bumping into each other and then like a kite-being loosed to fly to the far ends of the earth and then bump into each other again repeatedly-without fear or concern that anger or hostility will arise because you are being yourself.

(ok wow-I need to hush my mouth)
Beautiful, this is exactly the thing of spoken things I wanted to happen with this topic of mine!~ ^_^
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Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~

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  #6  
Old 12-13-2013, 10:37 PM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
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"Relationship" is just a label. I don't see it as inherently meaning much else than "close friendship" - whatever other details are involved are to be filled by the folks in it, and can and do vary wildly from case to case.

As for love - I'd define it simply as accepting someone the way they are, and encouraging their freedom to live a happy life, whatever that may mean for them personally. I guess "enthusiastic respect" could sum it up.
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  #7  
Old 12-13-2013, 10:47 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I have work relationships
Friend relationships
partner relationships
I have a relationship with my doctor
I have a relationship with my dentist
I am in multiple romantic relationships...

Umbrella term for me.
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  #8  
Old 12-26-2013, 04:58 AM
thatgirliknew thatgirliknew is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneMystic View Post
"Relationship" is just a label. I don't see it as inherently meaning much else than "close friendship" - whatever other details are involved are to be filled by the folks in it, and can and do vary wildly from case to case.
Thank you!

I've been having this conversation about "relationships" with my partner since meeting. I knew up front that he is not ready to live together or anything of that nature. Neither am I. Financially mostly for me, financially and emotionally for him. So that's something we agreed upon up front, but then he started saying he didn't want a relationship. Okay, fine. We'll be those people who just go on a few dates a month, and even though I was very interested in him on an emotional level, I kinda took a couple steps back.

Then he starts telling me how much of a connection he has to me, how awesome I am for him, a bunch of other things.

Finally, I told him "I think our definitions of relationship might be completely different... To me a relationship is having an interest and regular connection with another person on a mental/emotional level. That's it."

To which he responded, "Oh, well then we're in a relationship. To most people it means long-term commitment to just one person."

Just goes to show, communication is key. We could have avoided a lot of awkwardness by having this conversation early on by specifying what was and wasn't meant.
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  #9  
Old 12-26-2013, 05:07 AM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thatgirliknew View Post
Thank you!

I've been having this conversation about "relationships" with my partner since meeting. I knew up front that he is not ready to live together or anything of that nature. Neither am I. Financially mostly for me, financially and emotionally for him. So that's something we agreed upon up front, but then he started saying he didn't want a relationship. Okay, fine. We'll be those people who just go on a few dates a month, and even though I was very interested in him on an emotional level, I kinda took a couple steps back.

Then he starts telling me how much of a connection he has to me, how awesome I am for him, a bunch of other things.

Finally, I told him "I think our definitions of relationship might be completely different... To me a relationship is having an interest and regular connection with another person on a mental/emotional level. That's it."

To which he responded, "Oh, well then we're in a relationship. To most people it means long-term commitment to just one person."

Just goes to show, communication is key. We could have avoided a lot of awkwardness by having this conversation early on by specifying what was and wasn't meant.
Awkwardness is bound to happen regardless, I'd rather be as honest and speaking my mind all the time rather be keep my mouth shut when I wanted to speak up.~

I hope it works out!~ ^)^

Love,

ColorsWolf
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*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~

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