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  #31  
Old 03-25-2010, 03:53 PM
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Thanks ladyjools. How do you manage without your own space? I would struggle with that. Still, whatever works right?!

No wonder you are busy!
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  #32  
Old 03-26-2010, 12:43 AM
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Thanks ladyjools. How do you manage without your own space? I would struggle with that. Still, whatever works right?!

No wonder you are busy!
I'd love my own room but at the moment we can't afford a bigger place, we have a 2 and half bedroom flat the half bedroom is so small you couldn't fit a bed in so we use it as a study,

chris and rick both have there rooms and so when im not with them they get time alone, so its not exactly space of there own because im always welcome in ethier room but there usually is time to themselfs and i can take time out in whatever room is free if i want time alone, they way our shifts all work i do get some time to myself.
my dream in future would be for us to buy a house together maybe with a bit of land and 4 or 5 bedrooms so we each have our own space that we can decorate and make our own,

what we have now though works, and there have been no arguments just lots of comunication.

Jools
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  #33  
Old 03-27-2010, 04:11 AM
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Thanks ladyjools. How do you manage without your own space? I would struggle with that. Still, whatever works right?!

No wonder you are busy!
We've been thinking about giving up the apartment, buying a big RV, and living in it full-time. It's something a lot of people do when they're retired, and we figured, why wait our whole lives for something we want to do right now? It helps that his job is on the road, so he already lives in a decked-out mini-van 10/14 days, so an RV would actually be a huge UPGRADE for him...

Anyway, my whole point here was about having your own space. Obviously, in a 10'x30' home, space becomes a huge premium (forget about having your own room.) One article suggested staking out your own space, no matter how small it is, even if it's just a drawer that's only yours. Now obviously you can't crawl into a drawer to get away from everything, but just having something that the other person will respect as off-limits can (supposedly) make a big difference. And when you need to get away, there's a whole big outside! (not just living in an RV, we all have access to the outdoors)

Also, don't be scared to tell your partner(s) "Hey, I'm really feeling frazzled, do you think you could take the kids for ice cream for a couple hours while I recover my energy?" My husband always feels really guilty asking me for the house to himself for a while, and to be honest I'm not always in the mood to go out when it's convenient for him, but I can always go for a coffee for an hour or two, and that's usually enough just to get some breathing room.
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  #34  
Old 03-27-2010, 08:40 AM
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You are so right SchrodingersCat. I need to ask for my space more often... my men tease me sometimes because I will sit at the laptop in our kitchen and draw lines around my self and say that I am in my own room, please knock to come in... of course this becomes a joke to them and they tease me by pretending to knock and then my boy gets into it etc... it is funny, but I am also serious.

Tonight I wanted to sit in the bed on the laptop and polynerdist said no. I like to sit here and type and then fall asleep with it whenever I want, but it disturbs him when my fingers tap on the keys... if I had my own room I would go there.

The out doors is my space though, I get that. I run to the ocean quite often and feel it's space. I love that emmenseness I create in myself from that. During the winter that becomes very important as it rains constantly here and it becomes more closed in because of it. Rainy runs are my favorite.

I have always had a dream to have an RV and live that lifestyle too. We have a camper van that we got when we were married and I have been able to do just that in the summer. We go camping a lot. It is a very different way to live and very appealing. Funny how that doesn't bother me, but this has begun to. You are right though, more time out side is required when one lives in an RV.

I have taken to kicking nerdist out of the house lately as he is always here it seems... that has helped. We have an agreement that when he comes home he is to allow me to go about my business and just say goodnight when he is off to bed (he goes to bed way earlier than I). He was hanging around me and draping himself on me and I was resentful. I have asked him not to and now go to him when I am ready. I make a point of engaging myself with him for a moment before he goes to sleep as I know he needs to know I love him at that time.

It all needs working out for sure, but I would like to move my studio to my room, have my computer in there, have my own couch bed and keep the guinea pigs in there one day.... it's just time to get that back. I am afraid to be alone and having my own room I think will help me with that. I love that I will have two lovely men to go and tuck myself in with if I get scared I'm so pathetic really.....
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  #35  
Old 03-27-2010, 03:08 PM
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Right now, my rooming situation is a bit like ladyjools's. My two partners each have their own bedroom. All of my stuff is in K's (except for my dirty laundry!), and I alternate where I sleep between their two rooms. When I'm awake and home, though, I'm usually on one of the couches in the living room... We all live with half a dozen housemates, so I spend most of my time in communal spaces and wait until bedtime to use a bedroom.

I'm not sure if it's in my temperament or what, but I don't tend to want a physical space of my own. Sometimes I want mental space, so I grab a novel or my laptop and fall into my own little world, or I go for a walk if the weather is nice enough (New England isn't as accommodating as I might like!). I don't really like being alone in a room-- it's nice for an hour or two, but I get tired of it pretty fast.
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  #36  
Old 03-27-2010, 09:23 PM
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Maca and I have a room-as it's always been. GG has a room too (short a wall and a door though).
I go from one to the other.
My personal space, where I "escape" is the bathtub (which is communal) or going outside for my walks.
It bothers me at times, but mostly I am ok as long as I get the tub time and the regular walks.
With the surgery I'm not allowed the tub time, and let me tell you-my internal drive to get out and walk is SCREAMING for release.
Of course I'm also sleeping in a chair in the livingroom which SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS.
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  #37  
Old 03-28-2010, 07:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
my men tease me sometimes because I will sit at the laptop in our kitchen and draw lines around my self and say that I am in my own room, please knock to come in... of course this becomes a joke to them and they tease me by pretending to knock and then my boy gets into it etc... it is funny, but I am also serious.
I would get a little frustrated not being taken seriously.

What about using headphones when you want to tell everyone that you need some private time? And also to make it clear to the grown-ups that you really mean this, it's not intended as a joke... that it was funny the first time, but now you really feel that your personal space is being disrupted.

It sounds like your son is just following along with what the grown-up boys do, so if they set the example that Mommy wants to be left alone when she's got her headphones on, he'll understand that he should ask Daddy if he needs something.

Note, you don't actually have to be listening to anything, they're just meant as a "don't bug me, I'm busy" symbol... Heck, you could even use those big clunky yellow construction ones, which have the added bonus of blocking out sound really effectively...
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  #38  
Old 04-01-2010, 03:11 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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The idea of co-habitation has become more normalized and possible for me lately. I am even more confident in the belief of our sustainable family. I'm pretty sure we were meant to take care of each other regardless of our dynamic.

We're still taking our time but enjoying the search for appropriate housing. Interesting times
Thanks everyone's input and I hope to hear more of other people's experiences and journeys.

Peace and Love
Mono
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  #39  
Old 04-02-2010, 04:07 AM
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I started living with S and K (along with a couple other people not in the relationship) almost before I had started dating S or knew what poly was. It all happened so quickly I can't remember what happened first.

One issue that arose (and we are still work through) is that interior walls are not usually well insulated. Being new to poly (and still not sure I am poly) it was highly stressful to hear S and K in the next room. Even laying alone trying to sleep while S was less than 15ft away gave me a fair bit of trouble. For many people this is probably a non-issue but it is a potential one that I haven't seen brought up yet. It is one thing to know your partner is out on a date in a mystical "out there". It is something else entirely to know your partner is with someone else a couple of rooms over. S, K and, I have all had to work on being conscious of how much noise we make in bed
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  #40  
Old 04-02-2010, 04:49 AM
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Very true Twig.
I don't have sex with GG while Maca is in the house-ever.
I do have sex with Maca and GG can hear us-GG and I talk about it frequently.
But it's not as big an issue for GG. He gets a bit aggravated if it's keeping him up when he's tired, but generally we go to bed a good 2-3 hours before he does.

Maca on the otherhand has been very clear that at this point he's not able to handle that-so we don't do it.

AND even if I weren't in a poly relationship-when/if I ever build my own house-the inside walls/floors will have insulation because I FLAT HATE getting woken up by the kids/animals in the mornings!!!
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