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  #31  
Old 12-10-2013, 10:21 AM
InsaneMystic InsaneMystic is offline
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Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Well, I guess I gotta ask, why try then? Is having additional relationships important right now? It would be one thing if you'd already fallen for someone and were trying to make it work, but if your life is already full, why seek to add to it? You can be poly in spirit -- not restricting of each other's ability to love others -- without seeking to do anything about it in practice.
I wonder for how many folks it's like it's for me - "always open, never actively looking".
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  #32  
Old 12-10-2013, 05:39 PM
hersweetleaf hersweetleaf is offline
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this is fascinating to me.

hubs works 5 days a week, 8-4. I stay home (I don't drive ) and take care of our child as well as the house responsibilities, bill payments, cooking, etc etc. so to me, I don't feel like I have time to do this poly thing. but I want to try. so we alternate between grandparents, although they are getting a bit old (complaining all the time that picking him up hurts etc) so its hard to leave him to go explore ourselves and our new found status.

the relationship we are trying to forge with a woman we met a few months back has been mostly just us, she has met our son once and she adores him, because her sister has a 4 year old she sees and takes care of so shes good with kids. that is a huge thing for me, it took me a long time to feel comfortable with her meeting our son, we didn't want her or even him forming an attachment and then decide down the road that she doesn't want to see us anymore, it would take a toll I think.

but, sometimes I wonder, whose going to find a housewife, stay at home mom who doesn't drive attractive, or relationship worthy?
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  #33  
Old 12-10-2013, 06:18 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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I wonder for how many folks it's like it's for me - "always open, never actively looking".
Raises hand.
Even when I was mono this was true of me.
I just don't understand "actively looking".

I socialize. I make friends. Sometimes those friends become more.
But I don't "date" to meet people. Never have, probably never will.
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  #34  
Old 12-10-2013, 06:21 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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but, sometimes I wonder, whose going to find a housewife, stay at home mom who doesn't drive attractive, or relationship worthy?
Someone who sees people as people, and doesn't judge them on their superficial qualities. Who doesn't look down on someone for focusing on her family, or for lacking a certain skill. Exactly the sort of person you'd want to be involved with, in other words.
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  #35  
Old 12-10-2013, 06:22 PM
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but, sometimes I wonder, whose going to find a housewife, stay at home mom who doesn't drive attractive, or relationship worthy?
No one-unless you do.
I say that with all due respect.
Because I remember feeling that way too. But the truth is that if you find yourself attractive; other people will too.

I have never, not ever one time since I turned 16, ever ever dated someone who didn't spend some of those dates with kids in tow. I have kids (had my first at 16). I am cautious about introductions to my kids. But I don't date people until they are a friend.
I socialize. As a sahm I took the kids to the parks and all sorts of activities that were kid/family friendly and started introducing myself and talking to other people that were there. I take them to LGBT events like pride parade and meet people there.
Dates and potentials come from the pool of people who are friendly and kind and considerate and foster a friendship when they DO know my kids from these types of events.
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  #36  
Old 12-10-2013, 06:40 PM
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sometimes I wonder, whose going to find a housewife, stay at home mom who doesn't drive attractive, or relationship worthy?
hey now! I drive, but I am a stay-at-home mom. I consider myself a trophy wife. Makes me feel better about my status as a "homemaker." Plus, I sound so much more desirable, dontcha think?
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  #37  
Old 12-10-2013, 09:21 PM
hersweetleaf hersweetleaf is offline
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hey now! I drive, but I am a stay-at-home mom. I consider myself a trophy wife. Makes me feel better about my status as a "homemaker." Plus, I sound so much more desirable, dontcha think?
i consider myself the "trophy wife" also, just one that doesn't drive. lol.
what makes us a trophy wife anyways? and do other women want a home maker/trophy wife/sahm?
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  #38  
Old 12-10-2013, 09:37 PM
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I dunno if other women find that designation attractive. My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind though!

To me, a trophy wife doesn't work and gets to be arm candy. Whenever I am feeling mousy, I remember that I'm a trophy wife and then I feel fabulous.
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  #39  
Old 12-11-2013, 12:24 AM
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I used auto complete. There was a working mother tag, no working father one.

This discussion is happening because I'm trying to figure out how it works because my wife has asked.
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  #40  
Old 12-11-2013, 07:03 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I'd sum it up like this, I think -- some people who go the marriage-and-kids route choose to make their nuclear family their whole life (not counting work or family-of-origin). That's ok! Some other people choose to make time to have a life outside of their nuclear family. That can include other friends, hobbies, classes, exercise, games, social events, or any number of things.

I think we can all agree that any working mom or dad who also works it out with their nuclear family such that they can go to a class for one night every other week, or go out with friends for coffee on occasional weekend afternoons, or whatever, is not therefore a bad partner/parent. Well, just substitute out "date" for any of the activities I've been describing above and bam, non-monogamy (and possibly poly if feelings are involved).

Now, obviously time will be limited, and any new partner who wants to get more than passingly close to the person in question will need to be able to be ok being around kids so that the relationship can extend beyond the small amount of time allocated for dates. Hopefully, with time, the new person will become close enough to the family to have both the trust from the parents and the personal interest to help out in some ways, such as babysitting from time to time, which can help the parents keep their own bond strong.

So -- are you and your wife the "nuclear family only" types or the "maintain an outside life" types? If the former, maybe let the idea of poly go. If the latter, maybe see what you could let go of in order to put dating in its place instead.
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Last edited by AnnabelMore; 12-11-2013 at 07:06 AM.
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