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  #21  
Old 12-11-2013, 05:48 AM
EpsilonLyr EpsilonLyr is offline
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Lol, that's awesome. Maybe she just needed time to absorb and think. Fast text replies can be a good sign, at least. Hope you're having a great time!
  #22  
Old 12-11-2013, 04:14 PM
hersweetleaf hersweetleaf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EpsilonLyr View Post
Lol, that's awesome. Maybe she just needed time to absorb and think. Fast text replies can be a good sign, at least. Hope you're having a great time!
we would have had a better time with a sack of freaking potatoes!

I had a feeling when she texted back so soon that it was too good to be true. especially since she mentioned coming over last night and I didn't, I thought it would be a weekend thing. so that was weird.

about 615 she texted me saying "go a head and watch it without me, im so sleepy!" this is the 4th time shes said shes "so sleepy". come to find out, shes back with the fu^^ing boyfriend, and had been since the day they broke up. she never told us that till we had to blatantly ask her last night. I guess "its too easy to cave in"...freaking bs I tells ya.

so hubs and I ended it. we said that obviously shes got too much going on and we don't want to be a part of the back and forth, and the games. and obviously we weren't that important to her in the first place, like she made us believe we were. keeps saying "I love you guys" all the time to the point where we don't believe it.

we have to move on, otherwise, we will keep going through this stupid ass roller coaster that shes running. our hearts are not something to be messed about like a chew toy.
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  #23  
Old 12-11-2013, 04:34 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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She is back with HER boyfriend, just because she slated him doesn't mean he is a bad guy, you don't really know him so swearing about him is not a nice thing to do.

Besides, I thought after the night of talking it wasn't going to 'work out' was she less of a basket case when you thought she was single?
  #24  
Old 12-11-2013, 04:47 PM
hersweetleaf hersweetleaf is offline
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She is back with HER boyfriend, just because she slated him doesn't mean he is a bad guy, you don't really know him so swearing about him is not a nice thing to do.

Besides, I thought after the night of talking it wasn't going to 'work out' was she less of a basket case when you thought she was single?
wow. ummm....

first of all, he is horrible. hes a bad influence, doesn't work, does drugs (hard drugs), and is constantly taking her to places that are dangerous or just full of drugs. its not healthy, and he treats her like shit. im pretty sure ive stated that even when they were together or broken up. and yes, I can swear because im frusterated, I highly doubt im the only one.

after that night, we were thinking it wasn't going to work out, then she gives us a little bit of hope that it could work out, but then this happens and its gone. it was a roller coaster ride that im getting the f off of.

so thanks for your constructive, caring and insightful reply.
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  #25  
Old 12-11-2013, 05:06 PM
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So her boyfriend is a hard core drug user that she is willingly with and you wanted her your partner? It is clear she doesn't have good judgement so.....what does that say about you? Perhaps she is emotionally vulnerable and easily influenced, does this make her good relationship material for you?

It is good that you have decided to stop pursuing her but I don't really feel your anger is warranted. Instead you might want to look at your judgement and your expectations.

Being defensive won't help you grow as poly people btw.
  #26  
Old 12-11-2013, 06:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Natja View Post
So her boyfriend is a hard core drug user that she is willingly with and you wanted her your partner? It is clear she doesn't have good judgement so.....what does that say about you? Perhaps she is emotionally vulnerable and easily influenced, does this make her good relationship material for you?

It is good that you have decided to stop pursuing her but I don't really feel your anger is warranted. Instead you might want to look at your judgement and your expectations.

Being defensive won't help you grow as poly people btw.
I agree why in Hades would you want to bring someone who keeps company with someone like her boyfriend into your life. Everything said here screams hot mess.

Why the heck would you want to bring a person like that in your life? Maybe because those types of women (people) are easily manipulated.
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  #27  
Old 12-11-2013, 06:33 PM
hersweetleaf hersweetleaf is offline
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Unhappy

*big sigh*

I guess we are the people that care, and want to help where we can. she expressed she didn't want to do those things anymore, and that she needed something with more stability. people go through shit sometimes, weve been there, done that. sometimes people need guidance, and support. and we tried to provide that, but not in the parental, smothering way. I guess that makes us bad people for caring and wanting to help.

don't worry, the "hot mess" isn't a mess anymore, its non existent.
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  #28  
Old 12-11-2013, 06:47 PM
EpsilonLyr EpsilonLyr is offline
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So gals and guys, let me kindly give my opinion. I know you are trying to help but I am sensing what might be construed as hostility in the comments. I think hersweetleaf could use some more compassion here than "you screwed up". We've all fallen for people who are maybe not the best for us. It is in getting to know them better that we discover this. Sometimes that discovery is painful.

Bottom line is those of us that are really new to poly just need guidance and support. We are most prone to making mistakes and our relationships are usually the most vulnerable. Any of you out there that have found third partners and are keeping everyone happy (or at least generally content) at this point in time should count yourselves lucky. The rest of us are just out there investing feelings in people that don't work out.
  #29  
Old 12-11-2013, 07:11 PM
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Never found myself associating with people who are drug addicts or associate with drug addicts. Never tried to begin a relationship with a "basket case."

Nor do I have a superhero or white knight complex where I try to save anyone.

Sorry not going to console or pat anyone on the back who behaves badly. The OP and her husband were looking for something from this woman and are trying to make themselves feel better by hiding behind the belief that they were trying to help/save this woman. No they were unicorn hunting. We reap what we sow.
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  #30  
Old 12-11-2013, 07:13 PM
hersweetleaf hersweetleaf is offline
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wow. I never knew poly people were so freaking mean. good bye polyamory forum. this is no place for me I guess.
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