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  #11  
Old 12-08-2013, 07:13 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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As badly and offensively as that condition is worded, it is not a NEW condition.

He's basically still saying -- "I am willing to participate in polysexual but not polyamorous models." He's been broadcasting that a while now by the sound of it.

I hope your talk over the weekend arrives at some kind of conflict resolution -- even if the solution means breaking up so both of you are free to be friends without all the UGH and both of you are free to date new people who are hopefully more compatible.

GL!

Galagirl
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  #12  
Old 12-09-2013, 09:20 PM
bagofhearts bagofhearts is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post

What are you, his pimp?
LOL... I actually said that to him today when he asked me again if the other men have a woman for exchange. He just laughed. I think it kind of put him in check a bit.
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  #13  
Old 12-09-2013, 09:22 PM
bagofhearts bagofhearts is offline
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Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
If anyone I was involved with made a demand like that, I'd give him the boot so fast his head would spin. People are not commodities or bargaining chips and I find such a proposal so disrespectful that I could no longer look that person in the eye without feeling utterly and deeply disappointed. No, I would never tolerate that bullshit from anyone in my life. Someone with such a selfishly skewed outlook can take his dick and demands and stick them somewhere else far away from me!
Wow, this hit me like a brick between the eyes.

Thank you for the reality check.
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  #14  
Old 12-09-2013, 09:35 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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To balance things a bit, his request might make some sense from a monogamous point of view, and is a depressingly common starting place even for people who think they're trying to be poly (I don't consider it to actually be polyamory if you can't have a one on one relationship with anyone but your primary partner, but not everyone sets out with that mindset). From a poly POV his request is way messed up, but he's JUST beginning to consider these ideas, he presumably hasn't thought through all the ramifications of what he's asking.
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  #15  
Old 12-09-2013, 09:37 PM
bagofhearts bagofhearts is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
He's basically still saying -- "I am willing to participate in polysexual but not polyamorous models." He's been broadcasting that a while now by the sound of it.
Thank you for calling that out for me.

You're right, that's exactly what he is willing to do. I did not see it that clearly before.

He got more comfortable with the whole poly thing this weekend and read some resources I pointed him to and was a bit enlightened, I could tell. He asked that he still be the primary focus, which I have no problem with at this point in time, but I told him that the day is going to come when I fall in love with someone in addition to him and he said he'll figure it out when we get there. He just asked if I could reserve weekends for him since we can't see each other during the week due to opposite work schedules, and for now that my time with others doesn't interfere with our weekends together. I was planning on having it that way, anyway. I did propose that we just stop this now and continue as friends or something else so that he doesn't continue to get hurt, but he didn't want to do that. We must be masochists to continue in this. But it's hard when you are having all that new relationship energy/high.

We shall see.
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  #16  
Old 12-09-2013, 09:42 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Willingness to learn, compromise, and express needs are all excellent signs. I continue to think that this will be difficult, but not necessarily impossible. A big test will be how he reacts the first time you actually do get involved with someone else.
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  #17  
Old 12-10-2013, 06:53 AM
london london is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bagofhearts View Post
Thank you for calling that out for me.

You're right, that's exactly what he is willing to do. I did not see it that clearly before.

He got more comfortable with the whole poly thing this weekend and read some resources I pointed him to and was a bit enlightened, I could tell. He asked that he still be the primary focus, which I have no problem with at this point in time, but I told him that the day is going to come when I fall in love with someone in addition to him and he said he'll figure it out when we get there. He just asked if I could reserve weekends for him since we can't see each other during the week due to opposite work schedules, and for now that my time with others doesn't interfere with our weekends together. I was planning on having it that way, anyway. I did propose that we just stop this now and continue as friends or something else so that he doesn't continue to get hurt, but he didn't want to do that. We must be masochists to continue in this. But it's hard when you are having all that new relationship energy/high.

We shall see.
Think you're asking for.trouble by promising that. Seriously. You're going to end up letting him down.
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  #18  
Old 12-10-2013, 02:49 PM
bagofhearts bagofhearts is offline
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Originally Posted by london View Post
Think you're asking for.trouble by promising that. Seriously. You're going to end up letting him down.
My promising what? That my weekends will be for him only? And then I will let him down in the future when I find an additional person that I want to spend time on the weekends with?
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  #19  
Old 12-10-2013, 03:55 PM
london london is offline
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Great example. Let me build on that: you meet someone who initially slots right into that schedule at first but then their situation changes and they are only available on weekends. You've already built a significant relationship with them that you want to maintain and that means you have to share your weekends.

But you know, it's other stuff too. Things that might not seem a big deal now or you can't imagine wanting to do or feel for anyone else crop up. When you make those kind of promises to someone to protect your relationship and then want to change them later, your partner can mistakenly assume your feelings for them have changed.
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  #20  
Old 12-10-2013, 04:25 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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So your new partner would be told too bad so sad but you can't see me on weekends because my boyfriend comes first.

Who in their right mind would be ok with being told that your wants and needs don't matter?
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