Originally Posted by bookbug
I was in a very similar situation - except that our relationship was actually encouraged by the wife - until she suddenly changed her mind completely, and there was no negotiating. We lived together. She gave him ultimatums time and again, but he would never choose. However, each fight between them resulted in requirements that he pull further and further away from me. She finally asked me to leave herself. He let me go and tried to make their marriage work for the sake of their children, but their marriage ultimately did not survive. They were married 15 years.
Because I lived with them, I was privy to the complete and constant emotional hell he was subjected to. I actually did not see how he withstood it. At times I wanted to leave hoping it would end his pain, but he always asked that I stay. I would be willing to bet that your guy is dealing with something similar. I am not saying it forgives how he treated you (I am betting he feels very guilty about it, because my guy did and he stood his ground and refused to choose), but you probably do not have a full picture of the emotional anguish to which she subjected him.
I will never know what went on in their house between them. I can't judge something I don't have information on. I did see a "counting" system going on and they did seem hell bent on punishing each other for past relationships. That's the resentment I spoke of earlier.
I appreciate the advice I've received and it has made me realize that I don't need to expose myself to jealous hypocrites. I need to surround myself with people who I admire. Love. Appreciate. And make my day better just by being in it. It's a process. Hard to mourn the loss of a deep connection.