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  #21  
Old 12-03-2013, 03:59 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Originally Posted by Juliana View Post
Thank you to those of you who put compassion, reason and thought into responding instead of just throwing insults. I talked with him, and in fact it was not me being a spoiled brat like a couple of you threw out so enthusiastically. There were some real things going on and some fairly important adjustments made. I was hoping this might be a good forum for dialog about dynamics in poly relationships and wonder if perhaps I triggered a couple of you? Anyway, I hope things go well for all of you and that you find support from eachother.
Your attitude towards the new girl and kink were rather condescending. Apologize if you felt attacked, but when you say things like he treated you like a queen and a girlfriend, "more than a sub," how he "had" subs like they were objects to be used, how you were devastated that this sub was "upgraded" to a "relationship," well, you must understand that doesn't come across well to some people.
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  #22  
Old 12-03-2013, 04:02 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by scarletzinnia View Post

Natja, I was applauding at your post. I too do not see a point to this forum unless we are here to try to help instead of attack.
Thank you Scarletzinnia but I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression, I can be impatient too and I am far from being a really helpful person on this forum, but I can't stand it when people are being pointlessly rude and there simply was no reason to respond to the OP like that.
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  #23  
Old 12-03-2013, 04:19 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Who was being pointlessly rude? I softened my critique with advice on coping. London might have offered more hostility, but she was merely defending kink relationships. And she also offered helpful suggestions and reassurance that the OP has a valid place with the boyfriend. Sometimes a dose of cold reality is what people need, not unthinking validation. Being "nice" is overrated.
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  #24  
Old 12-03-2013, 04:29 PM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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Being nice is not overrated.

Anyone who wants their advice taken seriously would be well advised to present themselves as the kind of person someone would respect and want to take advice from.

When a rude, hostile person is presenting me with relationship advice, I am far less likely to pay any attention to it than to advice given with grace and empathy. That is because I assume that someone that angry and hostile probably is making a mess of their own relationships, so why would I listen to them at all? I might also assume that they are mentally ill, depends on how bad it is. I definitely think that about one person who posts very frequently here, and I've only been here a few days.

So, if others are like me, and I suspect many are, you nasty peeps are wasting your time, and your keystrokes here.
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  #25  
Old 12-03-2013, 04:39 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Who was being pointlessly rude? I softened my critique with advice on coping.
My point is there was little need for critique in the first place, you made an assumption based upon the way the OP was written, I just saw floral language, you otoh saw an insult were probably none was meant. Better to at least ask than assume the worst and come across like a rude person.

Quote:
London might have offered more hostility, but she was merely defending kink relationships.
I am pretty sure kink relationships can survive without London's pointless help.

Quote:
Sometimes a dose of cold reality is what people need, not unthinking validation. Being "nice" is overrated.
Clearly she did not need it, she did not like it and you just ticked a new person off for no good reason than to make yourself feel better...bully for you, have a cookie!

Last edited by Natja; 12-03-2013 at 05:00 PM. Reason: Edited for being too British.....
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  #26  
Old 12-03-2013, 05:19 PM
london london is offline
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The OP didn't like being told that kink relationships are as valid as her holier than thou girlfriend/boyfriend relationships. The OP doesn't need to learn that from me, she just needs to look at how her partner Is bonding with his new partner. It's awful cute how you gang are going around commenting on all my comments, but in this thread, where the OP clearly stated that she thought she would be above his subs, you are just making yourselves look butthurt and rather bitter. So do jog on. The pair of you.
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  #27  
Old 12-03-2013, 05:39 PM
pulliman pulliman is offline
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There's an ignore feature? Gotta look into that. I've been really frustrated by the direction some of these conversations take. Over. And over. And over.
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  #28  
Old 12-03-2013, 06:47 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
There's an ignore feature? Gotta look into that. I've been really frustrated by the direction some of these conversations take. Over. And over. And over.
It's pretty cool.
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  #29  
Old 12-04-2013, 02:32 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
"more than a sub"
See, I took that not as "better than a sub" but "rather than a sub."

I've used that phrase before myself, so maybe I can relate... "I'm feeling disappointed more than sad."

"I was this and this and this more than a sub" does not, to me, sound the same as "I was this and this and this. I was more than a sub."

I can see both interpretations, and I can see how the "superior to a sub" interpretation would evoke opinions of privilege and "you got what you deserved." But I find that communication is more effective when I give people the benefit of the doubt and choose the more generous interpretations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pulliman View Post
There's an ignore feature? Gotta look into that. I've been really frustrated by the direction some of these conversations take. Over. And over. And over.
I prefer not to use ignores. It confuses me when someone responds to someone I have on ignore. I prefer to remain "in the loop" and then practice my ability to ignore people whose opinions aren't worth a response.
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  #30  
Old 12-04-2013, 04:04 AM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Juliana View Post
He (the non marital partner) is a dom, but considers me his girlfriend, spiritual and life partner and a queen more than a sub.

He has had subs while we were together and always valued and prioritized my time with him, which is hard to arrange due to having families and living far away. But we prioritized our relationship and he put me first.
As I read the OP and then the first few responses I felt so confused as I didn't interpret it the same. Does it not say "HE" considered her more than a sub, telling her she's a "Queen"? And I never once got from this OP she's vanilla but actually in a D/s relationship with him.

I have to say I love that GalaGirl never judges an OP, that she asks if her interpretation is right or wrong and lays down choices for the OP to ponder and make. Those are posts that many of us are coming here for, not to be judged & found guilty of some unknown poly crime by the holier than thou poly perfectionists.
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