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  #51  
Old 12-02-2013, 01:38 PM
scarletzinnia scarletzinnia is offline
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GalaGirl, thanks again. I told my husband what you said about us developing skills so we can continue in our commitment to each other, and that definitely resonated with both of us.

London, it should be obvious. I don't trust his judgment of people, as I have already said, because the very first woman he dated threatened me with violence, and she was indeed crazy enough to carry it out. If he had reacted appropriately in that situation, things would have been different, but he did not. So since then, I pay more attention than I probably would be inclined to do. He has had one-on-one relationships with everyone he has dated, but when I am already not comfortable with a person, I insist on knowing what is going on. That has been part of our agreement since the first one.

Wow, what a contrast in personalities here. One kind, thoughtful, constructive comment and a person right after her who suggests that maybe my husband just hates me. I feel fortunate that I at least can handle nasty toxic people in a forum, just am less equipped to deal with them in real life. I sincerely hope that others who come here from a place of trouble can do so as well, otherwise a lot of people are probably just leaving this forum after having failed to get the support they came here for.

Last edited by scarletzinnia; 12-02-2013 at 01:50 PM.
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  #52  
Old 12-02-2013, 02:18 PM
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Natja Natja is offline
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Scarletzinnia, very few people (if any) have the same view about Herpes as London does, as far as I know she is the only person who keeps bleating on about how small the risk of Herpes is. Myself and many other people disagree with her very strongly on that.

I know it is your thread but don't feel attacked, I figure if 90% of the people, including many of us who have health or scientific background agree with you, you shouldn't let that one person make you feel bad.
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  #53  
Old 12-02-2013, 02:23 PM
london london is offline
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"If I was poly and married, felt splitting absolutely wasn't an option but my husband continued to let my toxic metamours affect us, or he couldn't stick to agreements about how we prevent harm to our relationship, the only viable option would be to close the relationship. If I feel the only way to stop it was to actively manage his other relationships by imposing restrictions and setting the pace, I would opt for closing the relationship to work on us."
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  #54  
Old 12-02-2013, 02:26 PM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by Natja View Post
Scarletzinnia, very few people (if any) have the same view about Herpes as London does, as far as I know she is the only person who keeps bleating on about how small the risk of Herpes is. Myself and many other people disagree with her very strongly on that.

I know it is your thread but don't feel attacked, I figure if 90% of the people, including many of us who have health or scientific background agree with you, you shouldn't let that one person make you feel bad.
There has been more than one time throughout the history of mankind when more than 90% of a population has shared an opinion or belief, and then been proven to be wrong for holding that opinion, or had their belief rubbished by science.
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  #55  
Old 12-02-2013, 04:54 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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There has been more than one time throughout the history of mankind when more than 90% of a population has shared an opinion or belief, and then been proven to be wrong for holding that opinion, or had their belief rubbished by science.
But in this case it's simply a question of erring on the side of caution.

No-one has ever died (I don't think anyway) from someone saying, "sorry, but I don't want to have unprotected sex with you" or "sorry, I don't want to have sex with you". Unfortunately people have died from saying "yes, I will have unprotected sex with you". This is really not an arguable point.
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  #56  
Old 12-02-2013, 06:01 PM
london london is offline
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From herpes? No. They haven't. But inmunocompromised people have died from complications of cold and flu.
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  #57  
Old 12-02-2013, 07:15 PM
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But in this case it's simply a question of erring on the side of caution.

No-one has ever died (I don't think anyway) from someone saying, "sorry, but I don't want to have unprotected sex with you" or "sorry, I don't want to have sex with you". Unfortunately people have died from saying "yes, I will have unprotected sex with you". This is really not an arguable point.
Exactly, it doesn't matter if the science is a bit overcautious anyway. Science says there is a RISK of my baby dying if she is left to sleep on her tummy or there is a RISK if I drink/smoke in pregnancy. The risk might be small but it is not worth me taking it just because it is small and the science is over cautious.

I certainly won't rail on some poor pregnant woman who refuses the small glass of champers and call her ignorant, because 'I' believe that the science is over cautious and I am right and I RULEZ the WORLD innit!!!!

At the end of the day, anyone can refuse anyone else sex for any reason, whether that person or anyone else thinks it is unreasonable is tough.
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  #58  
Old 12-03-2013, 03:37 PM
ButtercupGirl ButtercupGirl is offline
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Hi there! I am feeling compelled to respond to the idea expressed in this thread that it would EVER be acceptable and/or understandable for someone to not disclose that they have an STI. I find this idea horrifying. I understand that the stigma related to having an STI would be very difficult to live with and could limit who is willing to engage in sexual activity with you, but it is NEVER okay to knowingly expose someone to what you have, no matter how small you believe the risk of transmission is! I very much agree with the people who said there is no such thing as discrimination when it comes to sex. SEX is not a RIGHT. And no one has the right to have sex with someone and risk the other person's health! Furthermore, in many states knowingly exposing partners to an STI is a crime... in some cases a misdemeanor and in others a felony. And if I were ever in a situation when I contracted an STI from a partner who had intentionally not disclosed their status, I would not hesitate to file charges.
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  #59  
Old 12-03-2013, 11:40 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Mod Note

There have been a couple of posts removed because they are unnecessarily inflammatory and not in keeping with the site owner's wish that everyone show consideration for each other. This thread as a whole is fast heading in the direction of being locked if everyone doesn't stop with the petty bickering. Consider this a final warning.
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  #60  
Old 12-04-2013, 07:13 AM
london london is offline
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Originally Posted by ButtercupGirl View Post
Hi there! I am feeling compelled to respond to the idea expressed in this thread that it would EVER be acceptable and/or understandable for someone to not disclose that they have an STI. I find this idea horrifying. I understand that the stigma related to having an STI would be very difficult to live with and could limit who is willing to engage in sexual activity with you, but it is NEVER okay to knowingly expose someone to what you have, no matter how small you believe the risk of transmission is! I very much agree with the people who said there is no such thing as discrimination when it comes to sex. SEX is not a RIGHT. And no one has the right to have sex with someone and risk the other person's health! Furthermore, in many states knowingly exposing partners to an STI is a crime... in some cases a misdemeanor and in others a felony. And if I were ever in a situation when I contracted an STI from a partner who had intentionally not disclosed their status, I would not hesitate to file charges.
Just out of interest, do you inform everyone you come into contact with that youve had a cold or flu recently? You know, for someone who has a compromised immune system, it could kill them. At best, herpes is an unpleasant skin condition.

But as I've said over and over and over, I don't think non disclosure is right, ethically speaking, but in the current climate of ignorance where people protect the medically vulnerable from an inconvenient skin condition but don't take extra precautions to ensure they don't die of a respiratory infection, I can understand why it is tempting not to say anything. And that is what makes it risky for everyone.
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