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  #11  
Old 03-29-2010, 11:07 PM
lovebird13 lovebird13 is offline
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My heart has really been hurting off and on today. They have been texting me and I've had no acknowledgement of my 'break up' emails.
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  #12  
Old 03-29-2010, 11:16 PM
lovebird13 lovebird13 is offline
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Oh and...I realized that they are probably not poly. They want to include me in a limited way but the schedule and out of state thing is such a barrier, plus the fact that she really doesn't want me to be alone with him. One and maybe two weekends a year...she said. I can be with them together more than that, but it is he that I was(?) in love with. He has been mum.
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  #13  
Old 03-29-2010, 11:21 PM
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{{hugs}}
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  #14  
Old 03-30-2010, 12:07 AM
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I am coming in on this late, but you have my empathy. I hope things are better for you all soon.
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  #15  
Old 03-31-2010, 02:27 AM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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'All we can do is proceed through life with love & integrity, planting seeds as we go. Some will rot - some will sprout and blossom beautifully. We can't see the future. '

GS



That is great, GS. I really like that. Thank you.


LoveBird,..I am sorry this did not work out as you had hoped. I must say, reading your post, the first thing that came to my mind, was how in tune you seem with yourself, and those around you. You seem to have a excellent head on your shoulders for this. I hope you persevere, and look onwards to the future.
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  #16  
Old 03-31-2010, 02:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superjast View Post
'All we can do is proceed through life with love & integrity, planting seeds as we go. Some will rot - some will sprout and blossom beautifully. We can't see the future. '

GS
Integrity is one of the most important virtue to me as it encompasses many along with it. I love this GS, thank you for this. Words to live by for sure.
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  #17  
Old 03-31-2010, 03:53 AM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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She's likely scared. All of a sudden, he's developing a connection with someone that she hadn't expected. She probably thought that it would happen more slowly or not be as deep as her own. Plus, new relationship energy is really scary when you're the one being left behind. Some people don't know how to handle it so that the primary isn't left feeling like they're not desired.

I doubt it's any comfort or help, but we went through this when we first started. Asha asked me not to be alone with Sunday, or spend time bonding. I was kind of going through similar issues about the feelings between her and Easy, so I went along with it, and of course it didn't last long. Only long enough for her to figure out that (Sunday + me - Asha) was not a viable equation.

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. Of course you know you can post here if you need some emotional support.
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  #18  
Old 03-31-2010, 04:58 PM
lovebird13 lovebird13 is offline
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Everyone has been so warm here. I feel somewhat numb right now. Yesterday he said hi DID NOT accept the end of out intimacy and today he texted saying he did. The hard part is...I know they are making decisions as a couple. I never get to know what the discussions look like. I don't see that he is an independent man masking these decisions on his own. They now present a united front that I either accept or not. It's makes me feel like a child. My imput has never been asked for. Maybe that is as it should be. I am the 'stranger' coming in.
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  #19  
Old 03-31-2010, 05:22 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovebird13 View Post
Everyone has been so warm here. I feel somewhat numb right now. Yesterday he said hi DID NOT accept the end of out intimacy and today he texted saying he did. The hard part is...I know they are making decisions as a couple. I never get to know what the discussions look like. I don't see that he is an independent man masking these decisions on his own. They now present a united front that I either accept or not. It's makes me feel like a child. My imput has never been asked for. Maybe that is as it should be. I am the 'stranger' coming in.
Yea Lovebird it's a hard position to be in.
Some people react very negatively and even violently to this role because it seems so unfair. There's that early time when we "come in" to an existing relationship where we can't help but feel like the "outsider". We'd want/wish for that role to go away ASAP. In reality however it takes time - and that time varies with the individuals and the dynamic.

If any of us can help these situations it's maybe by spreading knowledge and hopefully raising awareness on all sides. Remember (we say it all the time!) this is all soooooo new to most everyone in this culture. We have few role models to observe and stumble and fumble as we go. If everyone considering poly relationships knew that you have to ease your way into the water and that everyone's feelings were very vulnerable during that period then maybe dialog would be more frequent and deeper. But for most - we get swept up in all the emotions, NRE, new sexual chemistry etc and totally forget that there's a LOT more that needs to come with it for it to last.
If you can pursue that, and hang on, it's worth it.

GS
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  #20  
Old 03-31-2010, 05:41 PM
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Lovebird, I'm so sorry that you're in this unhappy place. I think the only thing you can do is figure out what you want for you and go from there.

GS, I liked what you said.
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