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  #11  
Old 03-29-2010, 11:04 PM
lisbeth lisbeth is offline
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Younger is not always better! Just wait until you're 30, then you will be seriously hot. Thirty-something women rock.
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  #12  
Old 03-30-2010, 12:38 AM
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I have always been drawn to older women. I think it had to do with sleeping with a woman in her late thirties/early forties when I was nineteen. She wasn't "traditionally" attractive but had a sexual energy that could fill a room. I knew right then that experience and self confidence was my aphrodisiac!
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  #13  
Old 03-30-2010, 12:45 AM
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Knowing my wife has struggled with a similar situation in the past, I wanted to reply to this thread from the beginning, but had no idea how to describe what I was thinking. I could never explain it at the time to my wife either...not in a way that she ever seemed to believe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
He doesn't see me as I am today. I have to ACTUALLY SHOW HIM the changes with pictures for him to notice them. He still see's me the way he memorized me 17 years ago. Seriously.
Thanks LR for phrasing it in a way I could never figure out.

Of course, even when I see pictures, and then look at my wife, she's only become more beautiful with every passing year...but I see things that she doesn't...or maybe I don't see things that she does.


Quote:
Originally Posted by lisbeth View Post
Thirty-something women rock.
Amen to that brother.
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  #14  
Old 03-30-2010, 03:09 AM
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I know what you're going through and I want to offer you hope!

I'm 43 and have been poly for quite a few years. When my husband and I started out, he dated a much younger woman and I went through what you are experiencing. It was really difficult and I had to face a LOT of demons.

However, once I started focusing on myself and on meeting people, to talk, make friends, ask about poly.. something wonderful happened. I found out that being an "older woman" (I was 37 at the time) is actually VERY alluring in the poly world!

Six years later, I have had many younger lovers and am currently dating four partners between the ages of 22 and 37. I love them all dearly and I love myself even more than I did when I was monogamously married.

I have stretch marks, a big C-section scar, and grey hairs. I also have sexual confidence, a love of life, a sense of adventure and not many hang-ups (I left them behind once I passed 40, lol).

My advice is to remember how wonderful a thing experience is, and also that joy in life is a far more powerful aphrodisiac than youth alone.

Be courageous and be yourself, and you'll be irresistible into your 90's!
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  #15  
Old 03-30-2010, 05:57 AM
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Oh how I have been through those same feelings... everyone had great things to say that I would say all over again if it would make a difference to how you feel, but I wanted to remind you that those stretch marks were made carrying HIS children to term. Should he not love you more because of that? Was he not proud to walk beside you when you carried those kids that he helped create? I would hope so and I would hope he would remember that when looking at you today.

You have experience in the world that she doesn't have yet and that is invaluable! There is nothing like a confident older women. They have a richness that youth just don't have because they have not experienced enough yet. Each age and stage has value and should be honoured. I'm sure your husband knows that and recognizes that. If not then you can remind him
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  #16  
Old 03-31-2010, 01:16 AM
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Ok so my wifey ( LR ) asked me to give my two cents ( without reading hers first) in this situation. So here goes



I would first echo evrything that the others said. Having not read LR's post, I have a suggestion that Im betting will help you feel better about yourself and the love you share with your Hubby.

Make a list of the reasons that you "think" your husband will like this other woman more then you. Then ask your husband to make you a list of the reasons he loves you and the things he finds exciting and sexy about you. Ask him to be detailed.

Im willing to bet that when you compare the two lists you will see that the depth of your husbands list will be so " REAL". I bet you will see that he "LOVES YOU" and will forever find you hot and sexy.

You want to know what SEXY is???? You want to know what is HOT???
Confidence, confidence in yourself, confidence in your love for each other, sexual confidence. Its all about confidence. I hear women say all the time that the guy has to be confident. Well from this guys point of view so does the woman. Its very hot. Its very sexy. Confidence dosent mean that you have to be " in charge" it means being sure of yourself.

Try to remember that we are our own worst critics. We all fall prey to these feelings.Ill be turning 40 this year and Im not as fit as I once was. Im gettign lines around my eyes and gray hairs in my gotee. I wake up with a sore back and I have body parts that hurt ( that I didnt even know I had ). But when I take my wife in my arms and I smile into her eyes ( yes I said smile into her eyes ) we are beautiful, hot and sexy.

Im sure LR gave you some advice about maybe doing somthing sexy with your hubby. That way you can see his reaction and you can prove to yourself that he finds you irresistable. Well DO THAT!!!! If nothing else you and your hubby will have a good time and Im sure you will see that its not all the little ( young, tight, perfect ) parts that matter. Its the full package that matters. There's no way in HELL that I would trade any part of my wifey in. NO WAY NO HOW. She is hot , sexy , beautiful and irresistable because she is " she". She has built a love with me that is soul deep not skin deep.


If you need to talk more feel free to PM me anytime.

Ok now I can go back and read LR's post



Peace and Love

Maca
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  #17  
Old 03-31-2010, 04:24 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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You're welcome and I'm glad that the idea was appreciated.

I've tried it-worked very well.

It's not easy to deal with the changes in life-and "growing up" is changing as is "growing old".

But we all do it-ALL of us.

It helps if we focus on the posative.

Somewhere I read (I think it may have been on xeromag.com but don't quote me) something along the lines of, "secure people and insecure people spend the same amount of time focusing, but secure people focus on the posative and insecure people focus on the negative."

So if you determinedly start focusing on posative things-you will find that you can create more security within yourself too.



One more thing which I think several of the other woman who have responded can attest to my dear-

YOU are the younger woman OUR husbands/boyfriends would be considering right now.

When we (I'm 35) see them checking you out, thinking how hot it is when you brush the hair off your child's forehead at the grocery store, or the way your hips sway (something that a woman with no child just doesn't do QUITE the same), or the way they see that fresh 27 year old face that doesn't have crows feet at the corners of your eyes YET,
We have to remind OURSELVES-that we've earned not only our stretch marks or saggy boobs, but our wrinkles, gray hairs, vericose veins etc.




In a book I read... by Piers Anthony about the incarnation of "fate"... the incarnation of fate was actually 3 women each in different stages of womanhood.
One was very young and "typically" sexually nubile, beautiful as we see magazines and tvs idolize.
One was the embodiment of middle-aged beauty, experienced and at a sexual peak.
The third was a wizened motherly or grandmotherly figure, the embodiment of knowledge and experience as beauty.

As we age we all need to recognize within ourself the aspects of BEAUTY that we are embody-ing (made that word up hope you get my drift) at THIS age and to be PROUD of it.
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Last edited by NeonKaos; 03-31-2010 at 12:00 PM. Reason: merge posts
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  #18  
Old 03-31-2010, 05:15 PM
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tinylove tinylove is offline
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I just wrote a long response and lost it. I love all the advice and wisdom in all the responses.

I agree that being positive is a great place to begin. I have always had a hard time with that. I have many fears that cloud over my mind.

My husband and I talked and talked for hours last night and to me it seems luke we didn't get far .

I feel like are parents to our children and that is all. I feel like we have a lot of things we have to work on first. If we are spending all our time focusing on other relationships how can we work in ours?

I have so many questions about being poly , I don't even know where to begin.

Okay I know I am missing a lot of what I had planned on posting. I am feeling so lost. What if this is a way to escape from what we do not have?

Ok ok this is sounding ranty . I am just feeling so so lost
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  #19  
Old 03-31-2010, 05:35 PM
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Can I ask how you first came into poly? I'm making assumptions that are probably incorrect I'm afraid
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  #20  
Old 03-31-2010, 06:12 PM
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We were in a three way relationship when we first got together a long time ago. Since then we really haven't seen anyone else. Last year we talked about being poly how we missed having someone else in our lives. Last year we agreed that we would try and fund a third a woman join us. For months we had not found anyone . Then recently a friend suggested that we try ok Cupid. We each made a profile but we never discussed what we wanted . Until now . I had suggested we talk many times bit it never happened. Now he has started an online relationship with someone. I am feeling insecure since we never discussed anything . I am the one feeling insecure and I am not getting any reassuring advice from him.

I know we want a poly relationship. We just did not star out they way ithink we should have.
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