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Old 11-29-2013, 11:53 PM
SparklePony SparklePony is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 14
Default Not mono but not poly, what is my poly identity? How do I "label" my relationship?

I believe in Abundant Love, but I'm not sure how to define my poly identity. In fact I may not be poly at all. I do not feel any needs or desires to have multiple partners and can be completely satisfied in a monogamous relationship.

However I wouldn't consider myself "mono" because I am with a poly man and I embrace, encourage and enjoy the fact that he is poly. I hardly feel jealousy, can feel strong compersion, and enjoy bonding and (when possible) sex with him and his partners in three or moresomes. In fact I am probably responsible for him breaking from his pattern of serial monogamy and exploring his poly identity. I encouraged him to see other women and (since his last girlfriend was the jealous type) I "untrained" him of his preprogrammed behavior so he could feel comfortable hitting on other girls and talking about his relationships with me.

I've been wondering if I would be attracted to other men while in this relationship but it hasn't really happened yet. I'm not sure if this is because subconsciously I know that my man would not be comfortable with me being with other men. In past mono relationships I often would feel attracted to others but would not pursue my attractions. But just because he is poly doesn't seem to make me want to pursue outside partners.

Neither of us knew the word "polyamory" until now, 4 years into our relationship. We just called it "single together" and we did not call each other "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" because we assumed those labels implied sexual exclusivity. We've been resisting labels for so long but this means I have a hard time explaining my relationship to others, and they take my confusion as a lack of confidence. This has been my biggest struggle with being in a poly relationship as people think I'm being taken advantage of and letting my man run around because I have low self esteem. In fact it is my very high self esteem that keeps me from feeling jealousy. For the most part I have learned not to care what other people think (and since my man and I are very public characters in our community people do think and talk a lot). But still I want to find confidence in the right way to represent our relationship.

What am I? For the sake of convenience, how do I "label" myself and my relationship? Words of wisdom and experience welcome! Thanks!

Lauren
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