Part 1 of 2
So, you started off by quoting my entire post from the other day, and I recognized it straightaway as the post in which I kind of implored and insisted that ColorsWolf stop right away with the rebukes and the patronization or else I'd stop responding to him when posting.
I figured, oh, this is a problem about me treating ColorsWolf harshly and unfairly. I guess I can see how it looks that way. I won't try to argue if that's how you see it.
But the fact remains that my "relationship" with ColorsWolf has already changed. I'm planning to respond to much fewer of his remarks, and the few I do, it won't be in a way that addresses him directly, it will only be a comment of mine about something he said. I don't even plan to quote him anymore.
That could change. I haven't blocked him and I can easily watch and see if his general behavior (cause other members take some of his abuse too and can swear to it) improves. Given enough longstanding improvement, I might peek out of my shell again.
But if I see more and more of the rapid cycling between Dr. Jekyll (for a moment) and then Mr. Hyde (for a large colorful rant), even if it's directed at me, I'll probably involve myself less and less in what he's got to say until my involvement equals virtually zero.
Am I ashamed for taking this stance? No. I think it's long overdue. I suspect some members have probably been observing my desperate attempts to pacify ColorsWolf and thought, "kdt26417, why aren't you standing up for some reasonable boundaries already? Drop this guy; don't you get that he's never going to listen to you? It's even damaging threads now with soap opera hijacks."
No doubt I could have spoken more nicely; I admit I was be-yond irate when I wrote that last post. But, in the end, I decided that post needed to be abrasive. ColorsWolf doesn't listen to silk. He only listens to sandpaper.
Anyways I don't have to justify my decisions to anybody especially when the justification further hijacks the thread. But you, too, Dirtclustit, are headed in ColorsWolf's direction as far as my non-involvement is concerned. Which I suppose'll make you happy. You'll be able to snark at me and then pretend like my silence is proof that I agree with your snark. Believe whatever you feel you need to believe, I guess.
Now, are we going to talk about racial -- yes racial, not just cultural -- issues that relate to poly, or are we going to intensify the kdt26417-versus-Dirtclustit-and-ColorsWolf WWF free-for-all that the thread is becoming? Oh gee, I think the mods sometimes lock threads when that happens. So how is this WWF free-for-all helping to improve relations between poly people of minority cultures and poly people of majority cultures? Just one of the many reasons why I'm taking a step back from your posts too.
ColorsWolf wants friends. I believe that. I believe he joined Polyamory.com in hopes of making friends. Unfortantely, his arrogant, judgmental, narcissistic attitudes are driving away from him the people who most wanted to be his friends. People are already blocking him because they don't even want to know what he has to say anymore. Others of us are still at least listening to him, but with a mighty cautious ear.
I honestly fear that this reflects the prognosis for ColorsWolf's present and future. He will continue to lose friends on this forum, and he will continue to lose friends out in the real world for the rest of his life, at least until he gets some serious professional help. Meds. Counseling. Most likely both.
Dirtclustit, I don't think you value your hypothetical friends as much as ColorsWolf values his. But I think you're a profoundly unhappy, aggressive, defensive, paranoid person. I don't think you sleep well at night and if you do, I cringe to think what horrors your dreams must reveal to you.
I won't hide that the two of you haven't seriously made borscht out of my heart and porridge out of my brain, nor even that I've shamelessly resorted to the old dysfunctional childhood coping mechanism of making light of shit just in order to get through it. Basically, I've allowed the two of you to make yourselves my childhood parents, and it's neither edified me nor helped my morale.
But the humor has helped, and I've grown more comfortable about using it. This thread, IMO, gets way way way too serious at times. I don't find the thread as a whole to be very amusing at all.
So selfish I am, but at the same time I authentically worry for both of you. If you're not getting professional help, get it. See a psychiatrist. Get meds. Get counseling. Understand that you're not functioning in "the human herd" in a sane or healthy way. You're going to end up very lonely; yes, you too Dirtclustit, who so disdains the approval of others.
ColorsWolf craves affirmation but attacks anyone who indulges that craving, just as intensely as he would a direct insult. He figures out in his mind how every compliment is actually an insult. You, Dirtclustit, do likewise, only worse. You have paranoid notions that someone like me could somehow physically get to you. You've been feeding off ColorsWolf's psychosis and vice versa, and so far it's doing neither of you any favors.
I only know of two (one?) member/s who feel/s threatened by any of my posts. Other than those two, no one's felt like they're being manipulatively played against their will.
I assure you my sarcasm and humor buttons are both turned off. I'm deadly serious, and I'm appropriately concerned about the kinds of verbal choices I've seen the two of you make. You cannot save the world if you make the whole world your enemy.
I wouldn't say I enjoy arguments like these although I must be addicted to them if I keep repeatedly tackling them.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Last edited by kdt26417; 11-29-2013 at 08:07 AM.