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Old 03-29-2010, 02:40 AM
confidence confidence is offline
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 6
Post just trying to get some honest input

Hello all.

I am a poly female who currently has one boyfriend I have been with for about two and a half years. We started out our relationship as poly and have stayed that way the entire time we've been together. We certainly love each other and I have no desire to see the relationship end, however, I think I need advice on the sustainability of our relationship.

Since the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend and I have been in a disagreement regarding our approaches to love and sex. He is very selective about who he is physically and emotionally intimate with (so much so that he has not been with anyone physically or emotionally since we've been together) but would ideally like to have multiple partners. On the other hand, I am much more relaxed about establishing relationships and desire to pursue people much quicker than he would ever consider. His focus is towards multiple long-term relationships whereas mine is more just letting things come and go as they will, hopefully resulting in long term relationships but not necessitating it.

We have come to this realization about ourselves through trial and error. Initially, we had several big problems centered around me pursuing friends I was interested in, being physical with them, and me being caught off guard and hurt by his negative reaction something I was particularly thrilled about. I did have one other boyfriend for about nine months but since then, I have not been able to get into a situation that he "approves" of. That is to say, he often times disagrees with the people I like, the speed at which I want to take our relationship (both emotional and physical), and my "okayness" with the relationships not necessarily being long term material. This includes a situation where he essentially veto-ed someone I was very much in love with, which damaged both of us as well as the relationship.

Basically, I feel trapped and like he expects me to change myself. Early in the relationship, I made compromises I was concerned about but trusted such as "no physical involvement with people you aren't planning to have an established, structured relationship with" and as things pile on top of one another, it feels unbearable.

I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong here, he's in the wrong here, or if we're just fundamentally incompatible. I'm hoping some fresh eyes can give me some insight into this and maybe advise me of a next step. I want to preserve it but I'm starting to feel like it could be a dead end.

So. Thoughts? Suggestions? Anything is appreciated.


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