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Old 11-27-2013, 05:47 PM
8bit0reo 8bit0reo is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Default I am monogamous and my g/f is polyamorous. I don't know how to handle this...

So long story short, my g/f (now ex-g/f) became a poly during our monogamous relationship of 3 months. I know this sounds like insignificant amount of dating time and nothing to get "worked up over," but its not about letting go of her, but accepting the fact that she is now dating my roommate and friend who told us about polyamory to begin with.
Obviously, she was sold--quickly. I, however, was not and still am not. Not because I am not open-minded or believe monogamy is the ideal relationship, but because I wasn't educated enough to understand the functions of a polyamorous relationship and how to exercise it responsibly.
To be fair, I did discuss with her during our monogamous relationship that if things were not going to work out between us, then I think it would be fine to talk about polyamory as sort of an "experimental trial." However, I never mentioned that my roommate would be an acceptable "secondary" or heard a single peep from her that our relationship is having any serious problems that polyamory can solve. And the key to a successful polyamorous relationship is communication, no?
I understand that she should have the freedom to date who she chooses, but to jump into a relationship with my roommate/friend just to avoid any conflict (her lack of communication leaves me to assume this)? How does a monogamous person handle that? I wasn't ready for all of this and it seems forced upon me. Because she is dating my roommate, I am constantly reminded about how the entire situation unfolded, leaving me to feel betrayed--not jealous.
On a side note: Neither have I or she have read "The Ethical Slut" or much out-sourced material other than from what my roommate has told us. I don't consider him a liar, but even if he has been forward and honest about everything, it is still an appeal-to-authority for her to transition the way she did; leaving me to believe there were alternative motives involved. For example, she probably fantasized about having 2 boyfriends for selfish, unjustified, reasons rather than for her actual needs and the concerns of our relationship.
What should I do about this? All I want to do is to move on from this issue so I can get back to living life...I could move out, but that would risk losing my friendship with my roommate. I don't want to cause drama.
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