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Old 11-21-2013, 01:15 AM
Hislittlemasochist1 Hislittlemasochist1 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Default Advice on the OSO relationship

On the advice of my love I'm reaching out for help on a poly situation that none of my friends can understand...

I fell into my first poly relationship about a year ago. My partner (t) has a fiancé (h) which he was in an open relationship with before I met him. As we developed a deeper relationship he decided to make it "poly" and not just open. Then at about six months into our relationship he decided to find a third partner (p). We are creating a non-hierarchial poly family in which we all can hopefully get to a place with at least some interaction and potentially deep and loving relationships between all individuals.

Over the past few months I have been communicating with p. A week ago we met for the first time. We are very consciously trying to develop a relationship/friendship in order to create more comfort and love for the entire situation. The problem is that as a result of focusing on my relationship with her I'm feeling a disconnection from my partner. The more I get to know her the more it feels like he is her boyfriend, and not mine at all. In reality I know it has actually strengthen our (me and my partners) connection but its hard to feel it on my end sometimes. Like working on one relationship is taking focus and depth from the other. I'm worried it means I really am mono and I can only work on deepening one relationship at a time.

Is this a thing? Do people feel this when they go from a V to a triad (or at least some relationship with the OSO, I'm not saying it's a true triad)? If so how do I prevent the disconnection from my love (which is the only reason I'm doing this in the first place) while still trying to keep my heart open to his OSO?
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