Advice for a newbie
Just recently opened up my marriage and I need some advice. My wife has repeatedly told me over the course of our relationship that she doesn't think monogamy is natural and would not be jealous of me sleeping with someone else. She has also said over the last few years that she has struggled not cheating on me. Well over the last year I've discovered she hasn't been faithful. She's had multiple other partners without telling me. She started pulling away from me 3 months ago saying she's confused and not sure what she wants. Finally about a month ago, after saying we should date others 2 weeks into a live in separation, she opened up and told me all about losing her battles and sleeping with others. I opened up too and said, while I hadn't slept with anyone, I've been close to it and it didn't change the way I felt towards her. I realized that I didn't have a problem with her being with other men physically. It was the deception I had problems with. We decided to try being open. One of the rules I said we needed to follow was to break off being with someone if we started having feelings towards them. She said that indeed there was someone special but it was only friendship. Nothing more. Turns our, after spending the majority of nights at his house over the course of 2 weeks she went out with friends, got really drunk and when she couldn't get ahold of him she had a one night stand with someone else. The next day I drove her to the airport because she had to fly out for a weeks worth of training. She told me that yes he meant a lot to her. She just realized that she had deeper feelings for him. And couldn't believe she had let it get so far. We texted all day and I felt like she was going to end it. The next day when I realized they were still in contact I told her she needed to end it or she had to move out. It was either him or me. She got upset over an ultimatum stating that it only made her want to choose him out of rebellion. She said that while she was attracted to him and didn't want to leave him she didn't want to leave me or our children. She said she needed him for an escape. That it's not going to last and asked me to be patient and trust her not to fall deeper for him. I agreed, but now I'm concerned that I opened up our marriage at the wrong time. She said on Sunday after returning from a night at his house that's she's happy because she can have her cake and eat it too. Is this bad? Did I just allow her to form a deeper relationship with him guilt free? I've told her while I'm being patient I still don't approve, but I'll trust her. Any advice?