Searching or Happenstance?

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

She was looking for more relationships and I was looking for women just to use for sex.

Look at us now

OK, but would you say that she was looking because something was missing from her relationship with Nerdist? Because that is what it seems to imply in what you said up there just now:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

The idea of one partner going out to "look for more love/sex/relationships" indicates that there is something missing to me. I am much more in tune with the idea of love/relationships occurring naturally.

I'm not trying to be a jerk; I'm trying to understand. Your words just contradicted something that you know to be otherwise in your very own experience.

Explain pls.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by YGirl

OK, but would you say that she was looking because something was missing from her relationship with Nerdist? Because that is what it seems to imply in what you said up there just now:

That's for her to say, not me.

Originally Posted by YGirl

I'm not trying to be a jerk; I'm trying to understand. Your words just contradicted something that you know to be otherwise in your very own experience.

Explain pls.

No worries my friend, but I'm not sure what you mean by that . Where's the contradiction?

[SourGirl]

I have a ad on one site, and I talk to a few people on that site. I look at profiles, and enjoy chatting to new people.

I don`t have profiles on any other site. I just don`t feel any urge. ***update,..ok,..that changed.***

Past that, I have no interest in the meet-n-greet type of poly settings/parties. I have met people from online, on a individual basis, but the meets always feel like a 'meet/meat' market to me.

So I guess,... to each their own ? Might just be a personality/previous experiences type of thing.

I have just started to 'see' someone whom I initially met online. It is still in its infancy, but I don`t believe there is anything about him, that is 'missing' from my primary partner, that I seek. I see it as icing on a great cake, not a cake that needs filler, to taste good.

[GroundedSpirit]

I think this has to have a lot of variation depending on where someone is at with their current life. How busy, how "full" as we often refer to it etc.

I think it's hard to draw a line between "looking" (actively in some way) and being open and aware.

There seems to be lulls- quiet periods - in any relationships where everyone becomes part of a conversation such as - "you know - it might be nice IF....." - and you can fill in the "if" appropriately.

When these points occur - these conversations come up - it just seems to put everyone into some heightened state of awareness of other potential connections.

Is this "looking" - I suppose so in some form.
Is it because of some "lack" - well I suppose someone might define it that way too. But in reality I don't think it's quite like that. It just seems to be more like - well I have these fries here - maybe some ketchup would go nicely too.........



GS

[idealist]

Good discussion!! I am single and live alone, but I have 4 male lovers and one female lover. I have known Steven for 10 years- met him at a convention. I've known John for 11 years- met him at Home Depot! I've known Richard for 6 years- met him on a dating site. And I've known Charles for 8 months- met him in a bar-(he met his primary partner on a dating site though). I've known Katherine for 2 years.....met her at my own house- at a New Years Eve Party!
Life just kinda happens and dating sites are part of it for me, but not everything!!

[SchrodingersCat]

I'm on fetlife to connect with other people in that lifestyle. I joined okc hoping to meet other poly people just to connect with and share a common and rare interest.

I've never found anything by looking for it, from common household objects to true love. But whenever I've had the sense to quit looking for something, it's usually fallen right into my lap.

[redpepper]

I looked at length in many places for Mono. I dated three guys a week for about four months steadily. It was like getting to the end of a marathon not knowing where it ended or when.

My thought was, "we decided to get back on the horse (poly) so lets riiiiide!"

I just enjoyed the ride and let it get us started. I met several people on line that I now hang out with and it started me up with the whole community here. I have some crappy stories about on-line dating, but I didn't let it discourage me and I didn't take it too seriously. I was just curious.

Of course my husband has had a different experience in that, in that he is male. I had tons of attention, he has next to none. Totally different thing... men seem to have a hard time meeting anyone.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Originally Posted by redpepper

Of course my husband has had a different experience in that, in that he is male. I had tons of attention, he has next to none. Totally different thing... men seem to have a hard time meeting anyone.

I'm going to list that as the understatement of the month!

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

No worries my friend, but I'm not sure what you mean by that . Where's the contradiction?

The contradiction was here:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

The idea of one partner going out to "look for more love/sex/relationships" indicates that there is something missing to me. I am much more in tune with the idea of love/relationships occurring naturally.

and here:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

She was looking for more relationships and I was looking for women just to use for sex.

Look at us now

So, am I to understand that what you meant is that although you are "in tune" with things "occurring naturally", that it did in fact happen the other way for you two? I realize that you may have been speaking with irony in your tone of voice. That is why I said "Pls explain". It's better if I just ask you to explain rather than playing 20-questions.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by YGirl

So, am I to understand that what you meant is that although you are "in tune" with things "occurring naturally", that it did in fact happen the other way for you two? .

Right