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Old 11-17-2013, 04:33 PM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Unhappy New partner - is young and I need advice

My new boyfriend is 22 and I am almost 42. He is in the air force as a fuel system repair specialist. KW and I started chatting on OKC back in Aug and then I kind of stopped due to other potentials that were a bit older and at that time I wasn't sure of number of days we could meet but kept it simple at once a week. The beginning of this month I saw he looked at my profile so I sent a "hi" to him. Conversation ensued and we began to discuss meeting and he said "It'd be nice to see you more than probably once a week too".

We then started texting again. We had a date on the 9th and then saw each other again on the 14th. Between the two dates, he wasn't texting me as much (he has worked 3 weeks straight with a week worth of 12 hour shifts) as before the first date (which was not consistent on either of our ends). I started to get into whacky doubting world and finally just sent him this:

"i like you & that's why we lost contact b4. hub and i were still working through accepting we'd be dating others. I didn't want you to be a part of that so I waited until the time was right to really connect with you. I've enjoyed our conversations from b4 & recently.

And u & i never discussed this but I am poly, that means to me that if you are dating/seeing more than me I AM VERY OK about it. I just ask for respect & honesty, let me know.

You say you want me & my mind says you do. Yet ur actions & my gut says maybe u r worried if u tell me u r not interested/didn't feel a connection i'll "freak" or something crazy.

I honestly won't if you changed your mind about seeing me & last sat was just casual nsa. I just need to know so I can either think about you or move on & start the "search" again.

Sorry this is long...its what is on my mind & i can't be in this weird mental place not really know what to expect".

He replied back about how when he's at work he's the lowest ranking guy, he does all the work and doesn't have cell on him..."i want to continue seeing you".

I tell him I understand work, just that he was sending me morning "hello's" and then stopped but then said he'd try to keep those up.

The next day we have a date and we have a great discussion about us, my expectations, he said he might have a date with another girl, but wasn't sure. I said just let me know and I did admit I might feel a bit of jealousy but I can deal with it. He thinks jealousy is normal.

We had a great night talking, making love, getting to know each other.

I asked about making set days ours to see each other. Possibly Sat (which was yesterday) and he let me know he had plans. He did text me a little Friday and yesterday told me he's working on his car....and then silence, again.

I know my choice is to continue and discuss with him what I actually need. Set days to see each other and if he has to cancel that is ok, but some sort of structure. I also realize he is 22 (had been married for a year when he first enlisted and she didn't like it out here and they divorced) and that men at that age, well they do forget about keeping in communication. Heck some of the first arguments my DH and I had were exactly this at this age.

I don't want to do the long text again, I feel that is coming off as too needy. I actually just feel better writing it out, but I am still just torn about how to still be patient but demanding at the same time with him.

If I didn't feel a strong emotional connection with him, I would really be moving on and figure this is what dating is all about. I know he feels that connection too; otherwise we definitely wouldn't be spending over 5 hours together when we see each other.

I also know my problem is when I want something, I want it now. I want resolution and want it planned out. I'm a capricorn and know that if I was some other type of personality, I'd be doing better. Also, now that I'm finally experiencing that beginning nre, I want more of it and that is my problem I need to resolve.

Well I'm not sure any one can advise me but thanks all the same if you just read this or to have some thoughts.
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