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Old 11-16-2013, 06:02 PM
JadeDoor's Avatar
JadeDoor JadeDoor is offline
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 96
Default what's "normal" in poly? ?

my thread about my husband's gf breaking up with him and him wanting to be mono again can be found here:

Brief synopsis is that we worked that out and are still practicing poly but he has a huge issue with me dating his brother, which I've been doing since July. Today it came to a head again and he told me I have to choose. He said it's a taboo he just can't get past and that I'm having an incestuous affair.

On Thursday my counselor saw just me and we discussed all this. She said what many of you said, that I shouldn't break up with Mark because I will be resentful. She said I need to work on being a thermostat and not a thermometer. With my anxiety and codependency I get really stressed out by others moods and issues.

So my question is a difficult one. ... What's "too strange" "too much of a taboo" "crossing boundaries" in poly? Neverwhere suggested talking to more seasoned poly people to see if maybe it's just a hang up of his. Personally I think he and his brother have issues from the past they need to work out. I got the impression that our kind of made up family unit is unique but not dysfunctional in poly life. Am I wrong? Have I crossed a line and this is just too much for my husband to deal with? Do I let him keep trying or do I give up? ?
--Jade, 31/f
Neverwhere - exH, we have a son together.
Amanda - Neverwhere's 1st wife and one of the reasons my marriage to him ended. They have three sons together.
Mark - Neverwhere's brother. We are dating. He is mono.
JBR - My boyfriend of 8 months, also poly, has kids, we live together.
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