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Old 11-16-2013, 04:18 PM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default Overnights how to get over missing a body in bed

I think I'm fine with it as long as DH lets me know when he gets there (MG his new OSO-other significant other-lives about 40 minutes away) so I don't worry something happened on the trip there. I don't need texts while he's there or even to tell me he's on his way home. Last night was his real first overnight with her (sadly it doesn't last until morning for him cuz we have one vehicle and he works at 6:30 Thursday through Monday and on his days off I work at 7:30 and we have kids who need to be places) and I did awesome not having him here to fall asleep with. He is right though, I still nurse the youngest, and she pretty much puts me to sleep at times so it is easier for me to make this adjustment along with the fact I've gotten sorta use to it too. The first time he went to see SF (see my blog) I didn't handle him being gone well but it wasn't super bad either. Just felt strange to have an empty bed (we've been together over 19 years and have had times a part).

So that's my side and as I said, I'm fine with it. I wish it could be longer than 3 or 4 am, that he could wake with her. I even have offered for her to stay here. I'd sleep on the couch and be cool about it. (dh suggests we could all sleep together but i haven't met her yet and if there is a connection then we'll go from there but is not my "game plan").

Ok I'm digressing. back to why I am posting. Thursday night I went to KW's earlier than I had Saturday night. KW lives just as many minutes away too. I text'd I got there safe and sound (we also have snow starting to fall too now). When I left. DH really didn't want me to be there late since I worked the next morning and he's having a harder time with not having me there next to him to fall asleep and he's correct, he can't just nurse the youngest like I can, so if she wakes it takes a bit longer to get her to sleep. He was actually doing fine until I sent him a text saying "I'll be leaving around 2". That was about 12:45. I sent it due to his concern about me being late. When I left he text'd to not forget he had to leave by 6 for work. I read that to mean "stay late but be home before then". But right after that he sent another basically saying he wasn't okay with me being there too late. That is why I sent him the time frame. Possibly could have said, between 2 and 3.

When my alarm went off at 2, I hit snooze because I wasn't wanting to wake and leave KW's arms. I had my ringer off so I didn't hear the texts or call seconds after 2 am when DH started to worry (understandable since I created an expectation).

I realize I should have not given an exact time and it's funny, because that text was sent in consideration but it caused him to wake and not be able to fall back to sleep. He asked me to not stay late next time or maybe go to KW's earlier in the evening (that is not a thing I really have control over due to KW's work and his life priorities ). I want to help him with this so he can handle not having me there to fall asleep with on my 2 nights I am with KW. I don't want to stop or limit my time with KW due to this need adjustment DH has. How or what can I do that I still get my needs met while at the same time working through this with him? And DH knows he's asking for me to slow down might be unreasonable as his relationship with MG is going strong and they've seen each other 3 times this week (one overnight & 2 visits at our house during the day on tues/wed until both DH & MG have to go do the parent responsibilities).

I think DH and I should agree to the text when we get there and a text when we leave for home & a promise to be home 30 minutes to an hour before we have to wake for the day so we can get in some cuddle time together.

Thanks in advance and any thoughts, advice, comments are greatly appreciated.
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