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  #271  
Old 11-15-2013, 07:44 PM
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I will do that, thank you.
And that was a whole bunch of precious time wasted.

There is nothing I can find, if you can point me in the direction of these second time around Unicorns I would be much obliged.
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  #272  
Old 11-15-2013, 08:22 PM
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natja-I think one was username blackunicorn. I'm not positive-but I seem to recall that login name.
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  #273  
Old 11-15-2013, 08:24 PM
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http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7024

That's the one I found Natja. I haven't read it recently. I just remembered the log in name.
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  #274  
Old 11-15-2013, 08:44 PM
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Black Unicorn posted in one of the threads Cindie linked, with what she gets out of dating couples and being a secondary.

northhome, what can I say? I am not intending to abuse or harshly judge. And a crusade is strong language coming from you. It's a pet peeve of mine, these Unicorn Hunters, but I think most of my information, support and advice is given in a rather caring or at least matter of fact way. I will link to the "So Someone Called You a Unicorn Hunter?" and "Secondary's Bill of Rights" articles if I feel a poster has no clue of what is wrong with their Unicorn trap and expectations. Why not? They are full of great info. Have you read them?
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  #275  
Old 11-15-2013, 08:50 PM
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7024

That's the one I found Natja. I haven't read it recently. I just remembered the log in name.
Thank you, I read that thread.

To summarise, she came into Poly looking to date couples but had no experience doing so, then she seemed to end up in many various configurations but at no point did it seem she dated a male and female couple, though I think she had a man and a woman at the same time who were not a couple. Then she decided to be monogamous, than she decided to be solo poly before she ended her blog.
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  #276  
Old 11-15-2013, 09:24 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
I will link to the "So Someone Called You a Unicorn Hunter?" and "Secondary's Bill of Rights" articles if I feel a poster has no clue of what is wrong with their Unicorn trap and expectations. Why not? They are full of great info. Have you read them?
I have. They're quite good, and I have referred people to them as they cover a lot of good ground.
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  #277  
Old 11-15-2013, 09:36 PM
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Default Allegory of the Smart Phone

So, I saw a young woman walking down the sidewalk in town, today, absorbed in a text conversation on her smart phone. Because I've seen it happen before, and because I've seen statistics about the increasing number of ER visits resulting from distracted walking, I stopped to look ahead of her to see if there was some hazard in her path.

Sure enough, she was walking directly toward an open manhole!

I shouted but, absorbed in her texting, she didn't hear me.

I shouted louder and began to run toward her.

She half heard me but waved me off with obvious annoyance.

I caught up to her and finally got her attention. By this point, I was winded and slightly exasperated so I said, with a little too much force: "You really should put your phone down and watch where you're going! A lot of people get hurt that way . . . and you're walking straight toward that open manhole!"

To my surprise, she blew up at me: "How dare you tell me what to do! I really want to finish this conversation!"

I spluttered: "BUT YOU'RE WALKING TOWARD AN OPEN MANHOLE!"

"Jesus, what a jerk!" she shouted. "I really don't have to put up with this kind of abuse! If you don't back off and stop harassing me, I'm going to call the police!"

Baffled, I backed off, and she went on her way, eyes still glued to her phone.

(Yeah, I know, no analogy is perfect. And besides, I don't know for sure she's going to fall into the manhole. Maybe she's the kind who can walk on air!)

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 11-16-2013 at 12:16 AM.
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  #278  
Old 11-15-2013, 09:39 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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And besides, I don't know for sure she's going to fall into the manhole. Maybe she's the kind who can walk on air!)
Or maybe it's her karma to fall into the manhole. Some people insist on smoking, no?
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  #279  
Old 11-16-2013, 03:21 PM
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Mags started this thread for this purpose:
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
. . . There are a couple regulars who always defend triads, and there is confusion about triads growing organically as opposed to being forced, as a prescribed "box" for a unicorn to fit in.

I hope we can discuss this, use this space for venting for those of us who are tired of the same old issues with forced triads and unicorn hunting that we see day after day.

Triads, an established couple looking for a single woman for a poly fidelitous 3way, we all share sex together thing, is NOT the only way to do poly. Why do so many people think that is THE way to do poly? It's odd, really.
If anyone wants to argue about the kinds of reactions and "treatment" that people looking for triads and unicorns are met with on this forum, that would be off-topic. A meta-discussion (discussing the discussion) is off-topic.

Mags is looking for responses from others who are tired of seeing the types of posts she describes. She wants to have a space to rant and is asking others to rant with her and discuss why people seem to believe that a "Couple Plus One" situation is the only way to be poly.

I was once tired of seeing so many threads from and about couples or people in group situations, so I started a thread for solo poly people and asked that other solos offer their ideals. Anyone is isn't solo poly or wanting to be solo poly would not have the type of experience I wished to see shared in that thread.

This is no different. This thread is not the place to argue with Mags or anyone else, nor to point fingers, about how to word posts to newbies who appear to be chasing unicorns. Please keep it on-topic and civil. Thanks.
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Last edited by nycindie; 11-16-2013 at 06:41 PM.
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  #280  
Old 11-16-2013, 05:18 PM
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Thanks, NYCindie.

So, it's been established that the term Unicorn or Unicorn Hunter is condescending and/or derogatory. To tell some newbie couples coming here that they are Unicorn Hunters and their goals are unrealistic is to condescend to them and speak to them in a demeaning manner.

Well.

Personally, I am in favor of ethical non-monogamy. The problem with the ideal "third" these couples want to "add" is that the box they want her to fit in is prescribed and confining. It's all about what they want. When they don't get what they want with this or that unwitting woman who "engages" with them, they say, "She just wasn't the right girl," and go on looking for Her, thinking if they just find Her, all will be well.

Some people come here, get mad at their treatment when they describe the box for the girl they want, and they leave (much to II's chagrin, it seems). However, some couples with the Unicorn Hunting mindset, getting the exact same treatment and response from longer term members, have a veil lifted from their eyes and realize, "Oh, my relationship goals were unrealistic, unethical and possibly could cause harm to my current relationship, as well as hurt the prospective woman we are seeking!" Then they change their intent and methods of attempting polyamory.

Some people are just not ready to change. Some people are stubborn. Some are so afraid they don't even know they are afraid. In my opinion, none of the experienced members here who call a spade a spade (a UHer a UHer) are abusive or overly judgmental. We are all over the board dispensing information and support to all kinds of new people with problems. Most of them benefit from it and thank us. For some reason, newbies who are UHers are extra testy, maybe because they are SO jealous of each others' poly feelings, and rather than work through the jealousy feelings and come out with compersion, they need that Unicorn woman in a box. So, having that pointed out to them is just WAY too uncomfortable.
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