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  #11  
Old 11-14-2013, 06:15 PM
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I imagine if you planned on bfing them for.the first year at least the baby would need to live with mom. Maybt if mom works dad could have an opposite schedule so he could be the caregiver.

Lots of women are single mothers and coparent with their ex so its possible. Living apart isn't ideal but for moat its not a choice.
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  #12  
Old 11-14-2013, 06:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by london View Post
You can absolutely breastfeed and co parent in this way. When you are away from your baby, express milk and someone else can feed that expressed milk to the baby via bottle or cup. True, it's advisable to make sure baby is breastfeeding efficiently before you get bottles involved but cup feeding is a good alternative in the meantime. Plenty of babies are breast and bottle fed from day 1 though and don't have any issues.
As someone who works and breastfeeds there is no way I'd be willing to allow someone else take my baby outside of the time I absolutely HAVE to be away from them. Exclusively pumping is rarely ever successful and I would not jeopardize my supply for.my baby to gone any more than what is absolutely.necessary. just pumping for the time I was at work was hard enough and required the use of donor milk. Also the more baby is bottlefed the more likely they ate to reject the breast altogether.
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  #13  
Old 11-14-2013, 06:38 PM
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As a Midwife, I'm saying that many mothers don't view the child's other biological parent as "someone else" for one. They realise that both that parent and the child have as much right to an uncomplicated relationship with each other as the mother does with the child.

Secondly, nobody mentioned exclusive pumping, what I did mention is expressing milk for when you're away from the baby. Something that many mothers achieve with ease. I also mentioned that it is advisable to ensure the baby is breastfeeding efficiently before you introduce bottles. Many, many babies are mix fed from the start though and don't have the latch problems that research says they will.
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  #14  
Old 11-14-2013, 09:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inyourendo View Post
As someone who works and breastfeeds there is no way I'd be willing to allow someone else take my baby outside of the time I absolutely HAVE to be away from them. Exclusively pumping is rarely ever successful and I would not jeopardize my supply for.my baby to gone any more than what is absolutely.necessary. just pumping for the time I was at work was hard enough and required the use of donor milk. Also the more baby is bottlefed the more likely they ate to reject the breast altogether.
Ditto on that.
Currently my daughter is working 2 days a week for a few hours and pumping to fill that gap.
It's been a fiasco.
It's not JUST the issue of losing milk-but also with new babies, flipping between bottle and breast can be confusing.

BUT-the hard part is actually for those of us who are caregivers while she's at work. The baby (who is now 5 months) becomes VERY emotional and upset when its feeding time. He can and will take the bottle. But it isn't giving him all of what he needs (which is his mommy time). So he isn't calmed. A baby who is otherwise happy and fun-is miserable until mommy feeds him. Once he has his breast time-he's back to normal.
But that can be hell on shifts she works 8 hours. Absolutely HELL for him and the caregiver.

Which is NOT to say one can't co-parent. It is to say-be aware-that in prioritizing babies needs, you will need to pay attention to the babies personality.

Our daughter was exclusively breastfed for a year. She couldn't wait to get AWAY from me. As soon as she was done eating-she wanted her daddy and NO ONE ELSE would do. She would scream for hours if he was unavailable.
But, if he was here, I would feed her, and then he would burp her and she was happy as a lark. I can't imagine trying to get through those nighttime feedings without him lol! She was just so determined that after she ate it was HER time with daddy.
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Old 11-14-2013, 11:58 PM
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Would it be an option to have the other parent live / stay with you for a few months while things get stable, and then move out when the child is old enough to no longer need 60/60/24/7 attention?

Just because there are plenty of single parents out there finding a way to make it work without support, I doubt any of them would recommend it as a first choice, or do it the same way if they had it to do over. And there is no way those kids are getting the best possible care. They're doing their best, but being awake for 72 hours straight with a screaming baby and no relief makes it absolutely impossible for anyone to be at the top of their game.

When you have no choice but to make it work, you make it work. But when you're sitting there contemplating the possibility of single parenthood and you're not even pregnant yet, I doubt many single parents would encourage it. It's nothing against the parents, but one person doing a job that's meant to be done by an entire family is just not what's best for the kids. So why put yourself in that position if it's not necessary?
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  #16  
Old 11-15-2013, 12:14 AM
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The thing is Schroeding-
that just because you have different homes doesn't mean you can't be a family.

Using the 72 hour thing as an example.

If you live within walking distance of each other (lets say 1 mile, based upon a 15 min/mile walk); and you were both completely devoted to the co-parenting process;
child is up, it's been sick all day, you've taken turns through the day, but it's midnight and been your "turn" since... lets say 6pm and you NEED a break.
There's nothing stopping a phone call to other parent and saying "hey-need a break, can you come sit with baby for the next few hours so I can get a few zz's at your place?"
A quick walk over-places switched.
No need to be up 72 hours.

When Maca and I lived apart-it actually ran SO MUCH smoother. Because when we are all in the same house-it really doesn't matter whose "on duty" because EVERYONE is present so everyone is on duty as far as the kids are concerned.
It was actually the moment when we realized-we would all be happier if we buy property and build three houses-maybe 50 yards apart from each other, around a central building with kitchen/socializing space. We would all still be easy access for the kids-but we would also all be able to step away and have some private time to recharge.

BUT-it DOES require creativity and both parties (or how ever many parties) to be fully committed. If one is not so much-the other will get the harder end of the bargain.
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Old 11-15-2013, 12:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
The thing is Schroeding-
that just because you have different homes doesn't mean you can't be a family.
Oh, absolutely.

Sorry, I probably wasn't clear. My comment was more that a co-parent is much more than a "bonus." Wasn't in regards to anything you or the OP said... Just didn't feel like quoting.

Quote:
It was actually the moment when we realized-we would all be happier if we buy property and build three houses-maybe 50 yards apart from each other, around a central building with kitchen/socializing space.
hehe... if you did that here, I would include underground tunnels. Walking outside to get a bite to eat at -40 is... unpleasant.
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  #18  
Old 11-15-2013, 12:28 AM
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lol, here too. I don't want to do that here.
TOO COLD.
Goal is to move somewhere warm first.

I totally hear you. Walking to the mail box on some days is like "yeah-um no. I just don't care enough about what might be out there to go OUTSIDE in this weather!"

LOL!
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  #19  
Old 11-15-2013, 04:54 AM
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And thereis no way those kids are getting the best possible care
I'm sorry. Bullshit. Single parent, for one, does not mean "no support network". I've noticed an ignorance about single parents on here before. But, yeah, bullshit. What you just said suggests that no single parent Is able to give a child the care that a co parent could. Every single child that comes from a single parent family has had worse care than their counterparts with parents still together.
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  #20  
Old 11-15-2013, 09:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
Would it be an option to have the other parent live / stay with you for a few months while things get stable, and then move out when the child is old enough to no longer need 60/60/24/7 attention?

Just because there are plenty of single parents out there finding a way to make it work without support, I doubt any of them would recommend it as a first choice, or do it the same way if they had it to do over. And there is no way those kids are getting the best possible care. They're doing their best, but being awake for 72 hours straight with a screaming baby and no relief makes it absolutely impossible for anyone to be at the top of their game.
Yes and yes I would and frankly the rest of that is so offensive and hurtful to me I can't even.......

I am a single mother by choice btw. I have never been awake for 72 hours (perhaps I don't have the demon baby gene but neither of my daughters have done that) and I am pretty certain that if you asked my sister who did have the demon baby, she would say the same thing.

Having done both situations, this time around hasn't been greatly different with regards to stress levels. Practically the hardest thing is finding time to have a bath, but half the time she is sleeping and if I can't wait until she is sleeping I just bring her into the bathroom and she is as happy as a clam (she likes to see me).

So, that is where I am going now, to take my inadequate, not at the top of my game, single parent ass to the bath, with my obviously badly cared for daughter, thanks a bunch.
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