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Old 11-14-2013, 10:50 PM
shinrei shinrei is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Default Polyamory and depression, advice please

Hello all!

I am (right now rather reluctantly) in an open relationship with my primary partner/girlfriend for a little over 7 months. I'm insanely in love with her and have never met anyone who I've wanted to be with more than her. When we both met, we agreed on the fact that we'd both like to be open. Everything was great with us, and we were both seeing other people a couple of times a month or more.

Now, things aren't so great. Since the beginning of the fall, I've been suffering from serious depression. I've got anxiety, low self-esteem, lack of interest and sleep and all the other fun stuff that comes with it. I've since stopped seeing anyone else.

Before my depression came, my girlfriend had 2 other partners who she was seeing irregularly, maybe once or twice a month. My mood has admittedly caused a lot of issues in our relationship, and neither of us feel the strong connection we had before, although we both still love each other very much.
She has also started seeing 2 new people in the last few weeks. She says that these other relationships are not as meaningful as ours is, and that I shouldn't feel threatened or jealous. But, obviously I do...

Principally, I know that the feelings of hurt and jealousy and fear stem from my own weakness, and I am trying to work through them and seeing a therapist. And, I have a lot of ups and downs. Some days, I'm perfectly fine with the idea of her seeing others, while other days (especially the ones where she is with another partner) it just hurts so overwhelmingly that I can't block it out, or even sleep sometimes.

I've read that depression and polyamory don't mix, and I'm experiencing it now firsthand, I suppose. I don't want to break up with my girlfriend, but also I don't know how much more I can bear my mind being tortured like this.

I've had the idea to suggest to her that maybe she could stop seeing her other partners for a little while until I feel more whole myself, and we could restrengthen our own bond. I don't know if this is fair or not, but I so overwhelmingly feel that this is what I would need. I know I need to work on myself and feeling better, but it's so damn hard when I can't stop free flow of neurotic thoughts about her sleeping with other people.

What does anyone think about this? Would I be unreasonable to ask that she take a break for a couple of months for just for me?
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