Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-14-2013, 01:41 PM
Norwegianpoly Norwegianpoly is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Norway
Posts: 607

To me, my 2 boys are quite enough!

I used to say I could probably see myself having maximum 3 lovers. But then I was thinking my husband plus maybe 2 secondaries (or seconary +tertiary). Now that my boyfriend is quickly becoming my second primary instead, I feel that my time and energy will not suffice for more people. And I feel saturated, very unlike when I was with my sort-of-secondary for 4 years and was having small flings on the side.

My boyfriend does not want me to have any more, and neither my husband I think (my boyfriend for emotional reasons, my husband for more practical). Also, we are considering kids and there is work and hobbies... I guess having lots of lovers would be a bit like having friends only with the sexual/romantic part. I love spending time with my many friends, but I just could not do it like that.

Last edited by Norwegianpoly; 11-14-2013 at 01:45 PM.
Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2014, 11:21 PM
leilasi leilasi is offline
New Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 4

Personally I find that 4 steady partners is the max a person can handle, plus the, well, meaningless (I can't handle any of these). I never had more than 2 at the same time so I can't really say much. Hubby agrees. My perfect picture at this moment is hubby+1 lover
Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2014, 11:27 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
Posts: 1,885

My 2 partners are enough. I have a pretty full plate between work, school, family, and friends
Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2014, 12:34 AM
Emmy37 Emmy37 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 118

For us the dynamic we have now is all that we can handle. There are 3 adults and 7 children between all of us plus 2 of us work full time and one goes to school full time while being the stay at home parent. Our resources are used up. There would be nothing left to give to another relationship, at least not in the way we would want to. Could one or all of us possibly find something within ourselves to give another person? Sure, we probably could. But it wouldn't be fair to anyone involved.
Reply With Quote
Old 08-05-2014, 06:17 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,579

Re: vodkafan's post ... a polycule can steadily accumulate more partners, and some intimate networks are quite complex. But I don't know whether those networks formed by a process of gradual accumulation, maybe they mostly formed all at once. In any case, it's not necessarily true that poly groups tend to grow larger and larger. Quite a few stay at three (maybe four) adults pretty much for life.

In fact it can go the other way. Many poly groups shed members here and there, as people change and compatibility consequently changes. It's rather common, for instance, for a group to start out as a quad, then shed a member and turn into a triad or a V.

I don't think you could assign a number to the title "Most Poly Partners Allowed." Everyone is different, and different people have different ranges of how much quality time they want to put into each relationship. Heck some people need less sleep than others. I think "two partners" is a very common limit for a lot of people; yet I know of many poly tangles with 7-10+ adults, often with kids.

In short, the answer to, "How many is too many?" depends entirely on who you ask.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2014, 01:07 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,525

What sucks is when you think your partner has too many partners, but he doesn't realize he is spreading himself too thin until it's too late.

My situation. One gf, one bf. Gf has one bf. But my (now ex) bf had his wife, and me, and was FWBs with my gf, and kept on dating others as well (once his NRE with me and my gf wore off)! In 12 months he dated 6 others, ending up with an ongoing relationship with a married MF couple, who had 3 kids, and wanted only spontaneous last minute dates (which threw off the routine I'd had with bf). Add to that, the new male partner was jealous of his wife being with my bf. He made a rule for only 3way sex, although he was allowed to come over whenever and have sex dates with my bf one on one. Bf's head was spinning with the work at keeping things on a somewhat even keel in this new relationship, and ended up neglecting me and my gf.

He finally admitted to being in over his head. But by that time, I was so hurt and angry at his neglect of me over the previous year, I was ready to break up with him. And I did.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62)
Pixi (poly, F, 40) my partner since January 2009
Kahlo (poly-curious, M, 45) my bf since August 2017
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixi's Dom/bf since April 2013
Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2014, 02:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,219

How many is too many?
However many that goes beyond your resources.

Am I just going crazy with this new way of being?
NRE high. Plus "OMG I am poly shipping for real!" High.

I am I going to burn out if I take on too much?
That is the definition of burning out.... Taking on too much.

Has anyone else had this rush of excitement and wanting it all at once
Yup. Maybe these pitfall articles could help you? Enjoy the rush, but keep it doable so you do NOT burn out?




Last edited by GalaGirl; 08-08-2014 at 04:33 PM.
Reply With Quote

primary, secondary, tersiary, time, time limit, time management

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 05:52 AM.