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Old 11-14-2013, 06:37 AM
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Scarlette Scarlette is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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To quell your curiosities, he does spell it Issac and pronounces it "EE-sak".

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
That's the blunt way of putting it. But the point is, time between Isaac and Scarlette isn't about Hannah. At all. It's about Isaac and Scarlette.

Unless... maybe it is about Hannah...

Scarlette: What are your feelings about her? You mentioned that you guys explored things a bit at first but she said she didn't want to stand in your way. I'm just wondering if some of her reaction isn't in part that she also wants to be with you romantically, and maybe that's even why she's hovering when you're with Isaac. And why she's willing to put herself on the sidelines, sleeping at work, so you guys can be together. In other words, maybe none of this is about romantic time with Isaac, but rather with you. Just a thought, feel free to tell me I'm out to lunch.
It is possible and it has come up as an issue in the past. However I am not sure that is the case this time around. Hanna works a lot of hours, as an owner of a new business would, and Issac works graveyard. She feels like she doesn't get much time with him as is, and any time she does have for him he spends with me. Since I am the one currently asking her for time with him, that is causing her to feel resentful to me. I am trying to push for Issac to "regulate" how much time he is giving to each of us. It seems like a fairly simple concept, but he is practically allergic to "drama" and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. He would rather avoid it all together rather then deal with/face it. Since Hanna and I are so close and talk more, he kept telling us to work it out between us and tell him what the plan is. Hanna having to negotiate with his girlfriend for time with her own husband is ridiculous. Since sending him that long text (copy put in previous post) he told me he felt I was right and is going to step up and be apart of the schedule making process.

Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
What kind of 'needs' are you talking about? Sexual? Dinners out? Adult conversation? Romance? Fixing your toilet? Helping around the house or with young kids?

Why is your house not available? Where are your children when you're with Michael overnight or the other evening?
Just general stuff. Sexual, companionship, romance, adult conversation. My parents currently live in my house to help out while Michael is gone, so I don't at all feel comfortable bringing someone back to my place. They take care of my kids while I am out.

Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Quads and triads are complicated beasts! Everyone needs to look inside themselves, feel and identify their feelings. I know from experience, one can get into that self sacrifice mode when one's primary is with someone new, and step back to give them space, feel some compersion, but also some resentment and fear. Maybe she'd rather sleep at work than have you two get a hotel, to save money? Hotels are expensive.

Calendar sharing is a must. There isn't much room for spontaneity when one has kids, and when one is poly with a primary, even more planning is necessary. It's just a fact of life.
Hanna stepping back and trying to give us space and feeling resentment is something we've been working with since day one it seems. How do you let a new relationship breathe while still keeping away the resentment? She is all about saving money which is probably one of the reasons why she is going to stay at work.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
From my understanding, the Michael-Hanna connection was an afterthought. Scarlette met them first and started dating them as a couple, but then Hanna stepped away so that Scarlette and Issac could get closer. Scarlette really liked them so she encouraged Hanna and Michael to form a connection as well.

That said, there's still this Scarlette-Hanna connection that seems to have been completely forgotten. I personally suspect that has more to do with it than the Michael connection, whom she's only met once.
The Michael-Hanna connection was kind of an afterthought, I agree. I wanted Michael to be apart of my life as much as possible while he is gone. Since I felt Hanna, Michael and Issac would get along, I suggested they chat on Skype and/or text. Hanna was already on the hunt for an FWB to help relieve some of the stress the three of us were feeling when her and Michael started talking a lot. By the time he came for a month long visit, Hanna and Michael had already declared themselves as BF/GF. They were pretty much inseparable the whole month he was here and they grew much closer.
One big happy family!
Me: Married to Michael since 2008. Issac's GF.
Michael: Married with 2 kids with me. Hanna's BF.
Hanna: Married to Issac since 2003. Michael's GF.
Issac: Married with no kids with Hanna. My BF.

Last edited by Scarlette; 11-14-2013 at 06:40 AM.
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