Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 11-12-2013, 10:06 PM
GSAS082612 GSAS082612 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Laveen, AZ
Posts: 37
Unhappy Just Don't Know Where To Go From Here

So, the poly relationship took a break back in June. I ended it and found that I loved them more than I hated the situation. The hiatus lasted one month and was re-kindled due to Sam and it started the same way it did last time, through a three-some. At first we called our relationship a gray area, and wanted to see each other every other weekend, like some custody battle or what not. But the second weekend in a row after seeing other, Sams jealousy over Glenn and I having sex caused me to want to rethink the relationship, and obviously I chose to stay. I live with them of course. And I have found Sam never wants to be around me, it's like some stupid game with her. She says she wants me to give her attention but she pushes me off like I'm scum. And she will have sex with me 1 time for every ten times with Glenn. And it just drives me nuts. I want to be with her and I love her but it seems the closer we get, the more we fight. We argue all the time and it seems even Glenn can't be the voice of reason between us two. We have been in the triad for almost 15 months now, and it seems as if I am in the same predicament that I was in from the get-go. There is just so much more at stake when I think of leaving. I mean I could take off my engagement ring and leave if it wasn't for the kids. Jocelynn and Connor are the main reason I am still here. I mean Glenn and I fight but not like Sam and I. It is just Sam prioritizes Glenn. She puts him first wants him first, and everything I do annoys her. And Glenn and her have both said that they are not "in love" with me, and they care more about each other than me. But that they still love and care. I am in love with them, i just don't know how so much can go wrong when love exists. I am really confused and needed poly friend advice.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-13-2013, 01:30 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,182

So same shit, different month?

Look they treat you as an occasional sex partner and babysitter. That has not changed. They have told you they are not in love with you. They treat you poorly. BELIEVE THEM. They do not want you in their lives in any meaningful, loving way.

You deserve partners who want you. Get off this roller coaster. Move on with your life.

Are the children yours? If so, figure out how to co-parent. But leave. If not, maybe you can be involved in their lives as an aunt figure or family friend. But they are not your responsibility. Doing the same thing over and over is not going to change anything. You cannot change them.

Love is not enough on its own for a healthy relationship. However, they do not love you. This is not how you treat someone you love, even as a friend. They are using you. It's time to learn this lesson and move on.
Reply With Quote
Old 11-13-2013, 03:47 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,333

Because you feeling love for them is not enough. There must be love and loving/kind behavior flowing in all directions -- not just you dispensing it out and getting nothing back.

I am glad you tried to break up -- that was you showing loving/kind behavior to yourself! Also shows you are willing to leave. Best if you could also PHYSICALLY leave. Otherwise they may try to suck you back in.

What blocks your "ABLE" to leave physically? Money? Transportation? Something else?

We have been in the triad for almost 15 months now, and it seems as if I am in the same predicament that I was in from the get-go.
Yep. Sam and Glenn do not change their behaviors toward you. They use you for sex and for the work you provide in the home.

There is just so much more at stake when I think of leaving.
Yep. Because you have tried once before and it did not stick, so your chutzpah for trying to break out again may be smaller and now that they know they may be trying to cut your escape off or make it hard to leave emotionally with tears and false promises for a new future. But that's not a reason to stop trying. You need you too...

If your thoughts are running on those lines? I can appreciate that it feels pressing and urgent for you right now.

You sound like you could be in that "ping-pong" stage for leaving abusive situations. Could read about that stage to see if that helps you any to progress to stage 4 and 5. If you start to feel sucked in by sweet talk, could measure against http://speakoutloud.net/wp-content/u...urphy-2010.pdf to remind you why you want to go.

You deserve to be treated WELL. And it may take some ping pongs before you finally break out. Please keep trying, and please stay safe while doing so. Leaving people who want to suck you back and use you up is hard to do. See if you can tap into local resources to help GET you out safely and provide support you need for aftercare. Emotional, psychological abuse -- that's still abuse and it still leaves bruises on the soul. It doesn't have to be physical abuse "to count" as abuse.

i just don't know how so much can go wrong when love exists.
Because love is not enough -- there must be loving behavior to support it and create space for it to exist IN.

Right now? It only exists on your end of it. Your 100% love for them and your efforts toward that is not enough fuel to run a 3 people polyship.

Your 100% part of it only represents 33% of the total fuel it needs to run. And 33% is an "F" grade. I see that you want it to work, and it could be hard to accept that it doesn't.

I am sorry you continue to live in these less than ideal conditions.

You have worth, dignity and value -- even if your partners do not treat you so. You deserve to be treated WELL.

I hope you keep trying to break up and break out and start a new life on your own. Again, seek local AZ resources to help you as best you can. Google your home town along with "safety plan" and see what links, resources and tips come up.

Hang in there.

Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-13-2013 at 03:58 PM.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 02:32 PM.