#1
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We got into swinging because the Mr. was interested in a 3some and the Mrs. was bi curious. 10 years later we have found swinging is mostly couples and one of us always feels left out. For the Mr., he doesn't like losing his wife in the midst of playing and for the Mrs., she doesn't enjoy watching the Mr. We are very much in love and we prefer being together in a 3 way connection.
Our best experience has always been with a bisexual girl but that is very hard to find. We want to find an exclusive bisexual girlfriend instead of swinging... We thought about gay clubs but worried that might attract the wrong type. We tried meeting single vanilla girls but that doesn't work. Do we try monogamous sites with girl looking for girl? Do we try dating separately and be honest until one of us finds a good match to bring home? Are there any online websites with poly girls looking for couples |
#2
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Do a search here and you will find innumerable threads on it. Most of the threads will be negative - as in do not Unicorn Hunt. There is nothing wrong with what you want. Lots and lots of people have the dream of finding a third person to be involved with both people in a couple. It's a lovely desire. But there are a lot of common pitfalls that we see over and over here. And those pitfalls can cause enormous pain both for the couple and the women they date (unicorns are commonly bi women but not always). One pitfall is wildly unrealistic expectations. It is hard to find one person you click with, no? Now you are seeking someone who will click with both of you, at the same level, throughout the relationship. That can happen but it is exceptionally rare. Most people click more with one person in a couple. Even if someone is wildly into both of you, that can change over time. Interests wane. Maybe one person in the couple becomes a friend type person rather than a lover type person. Or someone in the couple realizes they like the third person just fine but don't want to be romantically involved anymore. Change will happen. Setting hard and fast expectations before meeting anyone often just leads to disappointment. Another common pitfall is being unprepared to deal with couple privilege. Search for couple privilege here. There are a number of good threads on it with different perspectives. Some examples of couple privilege is the expectation that the couple's desires and needs are put first, that their schedules are the ones to be worked around, that the third person is to be 'shared' by the couple, that they want to bring someone into 'their' marriage. This seems inherently natural to many - it's a common 'blind side' of our culture (assuming you are in N. America). But it can be deadly to healthy triads and lead to much pain for all concerned. (A triad is where all three people are all involved with each other.) Specifically, if the Mr. doesn't like losing the attention of the Mrs. while she is with another person, and the Mrs. doesn't like watching the Mr. getting his freak on with another woman - why in the world would adding a third person help with that? You would still have the same insecurities and dislikes - but now you have a relationship with the person who is at the center (but not the cause as that is on you) of those dislikes and insecurities. Adding a relationship with the person will not solve those basic insecurities. It will make them infinitely worse because now there may be a romantic/love element. And if the goal is hot threesome sex - and really nothing wrong with that! - there are infinitely easier ways to get that rather than seeking a relationship. Advertise on Craigslist. Get active on Fetlife if you are kinky. Find swingers who are specifically into MFF threesomes. They exist. Hire a pro. All of these are easier and less stressful than finding someone to love and have a relationship with and have hot threesome sex. And if the goal is a relationship based on love and respect, what do you have to offer? Why should someone get involved with both of you? And what you can offer needs to be beyond sexual experience, dick or boob size, or financial stability. Why would someone want to date you? Why are you awesome? What's in it for them? Are you willing to do the hard work to be truly open to change your relationship and yourselves in order to become a healthy triad? It's a shit ton of work - a level of complexity beyond coupledom. It's not impossible - people do create triads. But it is quite hard. And there are other pitfalls I don't mention here. I really strong suggest just browsing through the threads on unicorns, unicorn hunting, couple privilege and so on. It will be hard reading at times. You will say to yourselves 'But we are not like that!'. Do try to learn from other's fails. It may save you pain. Quote:
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#3
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Can I just ask you why is one of you feeling left out when swinging with couples? Surely there are two of you and you get to play with two people, isn't that one person for each of you then?
More chance being left out in a threesome isn't it? *confused* Anyhow, I know you spent some time reading yesterday and saw a bit of the Unicorn Hunting discussion so you kind of knew what to expect so...surprised by the post tbh.... |
#4
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How do you know this? Kinda creeped... |
#5
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Because I rule the world!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mwahahaha
Or alternatively, I just read their profile whist they were reading a triad/Unicorn thread. |
#6
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Ohhhhh! Whew!
Although Pinky and the Brain scenarios are running through my head now.... |
#7
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"One of them's a genius the other is insane"
That takes me back ![]() |
#8
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That would really creep me out, to date a guy and find out he's actually scoping me out to 'bring home' to have sex with his wife.
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#9
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Stable subplot of many a lesbian 'dramedy' I think. I last saw it in 'Lip Service'.
I also recall reading complaints from Poly women who will go to Poly events, start talking to a man, things are going well until he brings over his wife and he disregard her when they find out she is straight and doesn't want to be with them both. It's not funny. |
#10
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I'll elaborate...
The reason we don't enjoy playing with couples is because of bad experiences...we've had guys slip condoms off and made us really upset!!! So naturally I'm always worried about her being ok with a couple and I can't focus or stay hard because of it. Mr. is perfectly fine in a 3some where all three are involved together. Mrs. doesn't like watching me and doesn't know how to get over her jealousy if she isn't involved...so she doesn't like 3somes with a str8 girls. It has to be a bi girl into her too. The reason we want to be exclusive is because we've been pulling back more and more since we are worried about diseases. We have friends that don't use condoms and some have confessed to getting STD's so that scares us! I would think that if we find a single "bisexual" girl that she would be worried if we continue swinging too. I guess we are looking for something more exclusive so we don't have to worry about diseases. We even talked about finding a boyfriend for her and girlfriend if that's easier but the wife talked to another swinger couple and she told her don't do it! So she is also getting negative advice from other girls in the lifestyle that have been there done that and don't want us to try it. |
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hot bi babe, unicorn hunter |
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