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  #11  
Old 11-11-2013, 09:38 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Originally Posted by northhome View Post
Good point. We don't hide who we are, but we don't push it either. We simply act as if it's "normal", and that in itself gives a level of security even to those who are not comfortable with the situation.

If nothing else, they know exactly where they have us (and who to call if need be).
Exactly! I have found this is true with all of our mono friends as well. One family, she is a Deacon in the Episcopal church. LOL!
With all of them, they figured out really quickly that we weren't actually CHANGING anything-we were just acknowledging what already was.

They just don't really care.

But-even those who feel some discomfort knowing-tend to be ok after a little while of realizing that being poly doesn't mean we're going to invite THEM to participate in our sex lives and it doens't mean we're going to break out in sexual activity in front of them.
Ah the naivete.

It reminds me of when I came out bi and the other ladies would freak out thinking I was looking at their bodies-only to be offended when I expressed disinterest because they weren't my type (um yeah, if you are straight-not my type...) lol
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  #12  
Old 11-11-2013, 09:44 PM
northhome northhome is offline
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Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
But-even those who feel some discomfort knowing-tend to be ok after a little while of realizing that being poly doesn't mean we're going to invite THEM to participate in our sex lives and it doens't mean we're going to break out in sexual activity in front of them.
They were probably just suffering from some serious wishful thinking and a touch of jealousy! (just kidding). But it's funny how some people react when confronted with something they might, in some deep dark corner of their soul, want to explore themselves if only they could.

One of our neighbours keeps calling me "The Rooster". I pretend to ignore it and we get on just fine. I think it's great he can joke about it.
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  #13  
Old 11-12-2013, 04:07 AM
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I am confused - that particular blog post was already being discussed here: Excellent Blog Post - The Problem with "The Problem with Polynormativity"

LR, you participated in that thread, so I am wondering why you felt the need for another one? I think we should merge them.


BTW, the original article that is referenced in the cited blog post was also discussed here: excellent article on polynormativity
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An excellent blog post against hierarchy in polyamory: http://solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-i...short-version/
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  #14  
Old 11-12-2013, 06:26 AM
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The original thread posted in nuggets was a notification of the article, and discussions of the article itself.

If LR's intention here is to discuss the concepts behind the article in greater detail, and separate from the article or author themselves, then I see no issues with this thread standing on its own.
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  #15  
Old 11-12-2013, 06:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I am confused - that particular blog post was already being discussed here: Excellent Blog Post - The Problem with "The Problem with Polynormativity"

LR, you participated in that thread, so I am wondering why you felt the need for another one? I think we should merge them.


BTW, the original article that is referenced in the cited blog post was also discussed here: excellent article on polynormativity
This thread was designed to try and prompt me to retract my statements about people who require a family style of poly raising red flags.
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  #16  
Old 11-13-2013, 01:30 AM
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Nyc-II-
Honestly-I forgot about the thread.
The reason I started this one-was because there were some comments regarding it (when I linked it in a totally different thread) and didn't want that conversation to derail the thread.

But I'm totally ok with them being linked or not.

I think the topic is an important concept to consider.

We spend a lot of time giving advice regarding what is or isn't a good idea in poly.
But there's always alternatives to the "norm" even if the "norm" here isn't the greater population norm, it's still just a norm.

There's a lot of negativity towards people who do poly in a way that "breaks the norm of utopian poly".
But there doesn't seem to be so much understanding of why, as individuals, people's way of doing it may actually be the best way for THEIR group.
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Old 11-13-2013, 02:29 AM
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And I'll say again that a particular configuration or particular rules are often attractive because of flaws in the relationship or the people in it. If you want to argue that those flaws don't make one an altogether bad person, I agree. It can make them a bad person/bad people to get involved with relationship wise though. Like the author of this article pointed out: yes, trust is lacking between them ao they need rules for extra protection. I've discussed that trust issues in a relationship offer the newcomer a choice between discovering you have an insecure metamour or a untrustworthy (potential) partner. And that's the only point I make.
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