Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 11-12-2013, 01:13 AM
Hmm Hmm is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 57
Default Does it offer the same support?

This question is half personal, half theoretical, so please bear with me.

My only real relationship was 1.5 years long with my first love. The breakup is still pretty fresh (3 or 4 months ago) and it was a mess. Horribly stressful time for us both, she lashed out at me with tons of anger, bottled up rage. But after the fact, it was clear we were both still in love.

We handled it different ways. She repressed her love for me by saying I "didn't love her, because..." and then convincing herself I didn't love her. I don't have that same ability to deny feelings...I loved her, and I knew I did, very deeply. The only way I could reconcile that with feeling remotely okay was that I could love her and love others. Thus my initial turn to polyamory as an idea.

In practice it has been a stumble stumble fall kind of struggle and I don't know whether this is right. Long story short, basically the more I let people in, the more alone I felt. I had no "one"...no unconditional lover. No one who really wanted to be there for me above all others. A few of the girls I've explained it to have said, love "can't be" between more than just one person on one person...but I know it can be done, it's been done! So it must work...but is it the same? Does it offer the same emotional support? The idea of "one true love" is very compelling and I don't know what exactly I'm feeling.

Just tonight a friend told me it took her over a year to get over her last breakup...mine was just a few months ago. I've had days where I felt totally okay, and then sometimes, especially when I'm getting close to a friend it seems, I just feel so empty and especially alone and especially missing her again. Just talking to her gives me such a feeling of bliss and okayness I can't seem to feel with other people. Even people who say they love me, who are there for me, who support me and have sex with me. Did I fuck up? Or am I just having a bad day? And how does polyamory really compare to that feeling of being someone's one and only? What are everyone's thoughts and experiences with this?
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 02:52 PM.