Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #41  
Old 11-10-2013, 09:33 PM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Talking Had a Date Last Night

and we will see each other again on Wed !

My new guy, KW, and I started chatting in August on OKC and we started texting shortly after. Then both of us sort of lost interest, maybe, I'm not sure. I partly wrote off any type of relationship with him at the time due to the distance between us, 45 minute drive to his place. Also at that time, both of us had vehicles that needed work.

KW, from the get go, has been so sweet and respectful and I think I got side tracked by other contacts, ones that were more aggressive in their approach. Unfortunately, nothing ever went any where with those contacts and the couple that were more "romantic" well...read previous pages it's all there, have some issues.

But KW...he and I have always had an easy time discussing stuff and of all the men he has been the only one to never ask me for pics. He is in the airforce, been 2 years in and stationed at the local AFB in the next state over. I asked how long he'll be stationed here (he's originally from Kentucky) and replied he's been told it's a "black hole" so probably for quite some time. When we were chatting this week he was mostly concerned he'd only get to see me one day a week. When I said starting out we'd get two days (due to having children DH & I have agreed upon this, we each get 2 days/nights a week to see whom ever we wish so 4 nights a week the kids always have a parent at home & the other 3 nights are ours together since we both work days etc), he was a little more interested in finally meeting.

I didn't post about him yet since I felt like every time I did post here about a date, I'd jinx myself and nothing happened except a cancellation. Our first date had been planned for Thursday. Guess what, he had to cancel. At least it was due to his tire blowing out, etc (no spare). He felt so bad and was worried I thought he was a flake. So we rescheduled for yesterday, but.....

He didn't get off work until after 9 last night. So our dinner date didn't happen since the restaurant closed at 10 but we did meet at a bar near his place. He is so attractive to me, tall, a good kisser, etc. There definitely is a connection between the two of us (even though there is almost a 20 year age difference between us). I made it home around 2:30 am.

I am so glad KW and I re-connected on okc. He even told me yesterday that he wanted me to know he isn't interested in just a casual relationship, he really wants more than that. I am also glad we took this long to finally meet. I call it charma, meant to be, whatever I AM FRICKIN' HAPPY we are dating!!!! and I really like KW.

DH is feeling mass amounts of compersion for me today. Funny, he and I both know when DH starts feeling those insecurities...when he's half asleep or it's morning. Like the other day, he started going into his emo world an hour before it was time to actually wake. Now that I know how his pysche works and he is now recognizing it in himself, either of us will state the obvious. This is not the time to discuss this. We both need that hour more of sleep, let's table it and come back to it when you are off work.

Thursday DH had his real first date with MG (our 2 yo ended up really sick Mon meaning I had to take her to the ER that night, so DH had to cancel his Tues date with MG) and Yes, I was going to have my date first and when I came home DH was going to his date (maybe we can figure out how to have more time with our other relationships and the kids, eventually, tiny steps at first).

They met over drinks. She really likes him and he her. He's worried about how he feels for MG (another one of those emo moments when he returned home). He was concerned he'll feel less for me because of how they connect. I tried explaining to him, "yes you love me so much and feel so in love with me, but on some levels, I just cannot 100% complete you and isn't that what being poly is about? Loving more than just one an having needs met"? MG definitely does something to DH and it makes me so happy for him that something I cannot meet (a need, not really sure what the need is but that's ok, no insecurity or jealousy about it) he can find in another and feels like he could "fall" for her.

But the emo moments were more because 1) he didn't let me know he made it there (I started to worry something happened on his drive {our newbies live over 30 minutes away} an agreement we have on dating someone in another city) and once he made contact (over 3 hours after he left the house) he felt bad and then 2) MG and him were going over to SF's to discuss things but MG didn't show up and it was just him and SF. SF became sexual with him and he finally had to let her know that emotionally, he didn't feel it for her and broke it off. SF was falling hard for DH. I'm glad he did it in person and not through a text or email. Makes me love him so much more for his honesty with everyone involved.

I just can't stop smiling today. I did explain to KW about the surgery etc. He said he's probably visiting family in Kentucky at that same time, so we both wouldn't be able to see each other then. I said I wasn't sure I should start a relationship with him before or after that so I decided to do the before. Not sure what we'll do on Wed but it will be fun.
Reply With Quote
  #42  
Old 11-23-2013, 06:39 PM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default

KW was short lived. I probably screwed it up by being too intense about my feelings. Was sort of hard not to since he led me to believe he really wanted a relationship and it wasn't going to be casual for him. I now have another new item for my list of preferences. If under 30, consider the guy to be a potential fwb who I'll enjoy the fun with and pleasure a young man can provide (the sex was awesome with KW). I forgot how "boys" fuck, like bunnies.

DH and MG are going full bloom, very much falling for each other and definitely serious. Tomorrow night we are going out for drinks with her and her husband. It's a full circle, in a way. I "liked" her husband, SG, on okc back in late July/early August (he me at the same time). I can't remember if he sent me a message then or not (I think he did) but because we were new to poly, working through jealousy/envy and doing a lot of communicating, I never replied. It wasn't I didn't find him interesting, but what was the point if DH was having issues then.

SG and MG have been poly for many, many years. SG is in a relationship with their massage therapist who is mono, is very emotional about their relationship and from what MG's discussed with DH, breaking it off. SG and I started messaging on OKC this week. Lots of chit chat, banter and teasing. He asked how my poly life was going: slow was my response. He stated he is transitioning with SA (his girlfriend). Always interesting to me how "gossip" works...SG tells MG one thing, she tells DH who tells me...some where along the way what was originally decided between SG & SA has been lost in translation.

I am enjoying the messaging with SG (a bit just like KW's and mine had been). Basics, not much about our interest in each other (it is there or neither of us would be getting to know each other). LOL what started it was DH has been wanting me to meet both of them together. On Thursday she gave us his username on okc, I looked him up and then said to DH "I gave him 5 stars" and looked to see how long ago. Later that night SG sent me a message. We've been chatting since then (except today, he's out hunting and has his evening with SA). He keeps telling me we need to save the conversations for Sunday.

I met MG last Sunday when she met DH outside the gym when he dropped me off. She was in our town on her way to a wikan (not sure spelling) gathering and wanted to see DH. Nice opportune time since I had to, no needed to workout as the breakoff with KW was really screwing with me. She hugged me and is really nice. I could see my metamour and I being close friends (but I have told DH this needs to happen naturally, I don't want it pushed on me).

Then I had plans with KB for yesterday (he would be a fwb) but he couldn't get a sitter so we've rainchecked for another time. Might not be until the new year. SG asked me when my date was (boy it's funny cuz i never told him about my date but DH told MG and viola SG knows) and I replied cancelled. LOL SG's response "that's bullshit".

Okay back to my thoughts about meeting tomorrow night. DH asked me what I would be comfortable with, him touching kissing me and MG both or only one of us. I am not really sure. I'm not sure DH's and MG's intention of us all meeting aside from meeting his girlfriend's husband or if DH & MG are trying to set me and SG up to date. I'm thinking the latter. I've been visualizing tomorrow and I guess we'll just let pda happen organically without expectations.

And this week we told CT (our oldest child who will be 16 in Jan) about polyamory. DH was worried. He knew intellectually she could handle it but was worried emotionally not. CT and I have such a good mother-daughter relationship and (makes me think of a post in the relationships corner about "controlling" spouse but even kids future sex lives) I've always discussed things with her. When we decided to have kids, my philosophy was honesty (not detail by detail sex activities) and just tell the kids exactly how it is. She and I have watched shows like Big Love and this British one called Skins together. But I had been worried she wouldn't understand polyamory a few weeks ago. She likes this boy but he's a huge flirt. She said she decided to stop liking him because she wouldn't want to have to deal with being jealous (see my kid knows herself well and is a 4.15 gpa student). They are now trying to hang out with each other after school when he returns from Thanksgiving vacation (kids get all next week off). So we brought her into our room, (the look on her face was "oh no, they're going to tell me they're getting divorced") and I said, "dad and I love each other very much but we also have the ability to love others, it's called polyamory. Our love for you will never change but it's time you know since dad has a girlfriend he's pretty serious about and I, I have a few guys I'll be seeing here and there".

LOL her response "well a year ago you told me you were "open" and both of you have dating apps on your phone". DH was shocked she knew about that, he thought she couldn't see it lol. So the feared conversation went great. All three of us (CT, DH and I) discussed when to tell her younger brother (he's 8) and for now, he's not emotionally ready. The youngest is two so she'll be growing up around our "openness" in our home.

Well I hope tomorrow SG and I click because I've enjoyed our banter so far. I am a tad bit leary though if he is transitioning from a break-up that if we do go beyond friend's that I'm more of the rebound but is that possible if you are poly to rebound? I've never thought about that aspect. It seems like rebounding is not applicable as it is for a mono who goes through a breakup.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 11-23-2013 at 06:42 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #43  
Old 11-24-2013, 01:16 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is online now
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,668
Default

It's spelled Wiccan.

Yes, of course it's possible to be "on the rebound" if you're poly. If you're in a relationship of any kind that goes sour and there is a breakup, you need time to recover. You could stop and think if you need time to recover from your short-lived relationship with the young and sexy KW, for example, before jumping into anything with your husband's gf's husband. (Not to mention, quads are graduate level relationships. For example, what if you start something with this guy, but it doesn't work. How will that affect your h's relationship with his gf?)

Speaking of rebounding, I had a short-lived thing with a guy this summer who was more unbalanced than I knew. We had some PMing, a few long phone calls and then a lunch date. However, a couple days after our first date, he tried to kill himself. I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks. His phone went straight to voicemail. He didn't answer texts or PMs. I finally read on one of his dating profiles, what happened. That experience kind of freaked me out and put me right off trying to date ever since. (I mean date anyone besides my 2 primary sweeties.)
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #44  
Old 11-24-2013, 03:52 PM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
It's spelled Wiccan.

Yes, of course it's possible to be "on the rebound" if you're poly. If you're in a relationship of any kind that goes sour and there is a breakup, you need time to recover. You could stop and think if you need time to recover from your short-lived relationship with the young and sexy KW, for example, before jumping into anything with your husband's gf's husband. (Not to mention, quads are graduate level relationships. For example, what if you start something with this guy, but it doesn't work. How will that affect your h's relationship with his gf?)

Speaking of rebounding, I had a short-lived thing with a guy this summer who was more unbalanced than I knew. We had some PMing, a few long phone calls and then a lunch date. However, a couple days after our first date, he tried to kill himself. I didn't hear from him for a couple weeks. His phone went straight to voicemail. He didn't answer texts or PMs. I finally read on one of his dating profiles, what happened. That experience kind of freaked me out and put me right off trying to date ever since. (I mean date anyone besides my 2 primary sweeties.)
that is definitely true (the bold). i doubt h and gf have even thought about that side. gf may, as her metamour from hub is their massage therapist who comes to their home for over the last 2 years and she has been dating SG for about 2 to 3 months now.

i do know i have no expectations aside from getting to know SG. we're meeting for drinks then going back to their place (um I can't pass up a large pool and hot tub). even though this is dh's first relationship since this journey started i know i'm ok if he and SG go off for lovings while at their house, i just hope SG will hang out so i'm not sitting there twiddling my thumbs.

MG told DH last night that her husband is the slowest "mover" (in getting a relationship going) on earth and DH told her I was the "fastest". Meeting SG will be good for me.

Yeah, I still think about KW. When we had met and I had the understanding it would be casual, I think I wouldn't have crushed so hard, so fast. Emotionally on the surface I'm fine less than a week later but images of him still appear in my head. And I don't want SG to be my rebound nor do I want to be his rebound. Most good SG's a slow mover, at least then we can get to know each other, let a connection form if it is there, not to be pushed because of outside expectations (DH & SG).

I am so sorry about the short-lived from this summer. That is awful and not knowing he had some issues, what a blow. I can see how that will have a long term effect on wanting to meet new people for love or even sex.
Reply With Quote
  #45  
Old 11-28-2013, 07:58 PM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default Happy thanksgiving

Sunday's dinner with MG, SG & DH went off great. LOL but as DH & I were heading over to the restaurant (we live 30-40 min away) I realized the KB might work there. I text him and yep, he works there and was almost off from work. So weird to finally meet a potential fwb while on a date with hub & my metamour and her husband.

Um yeah, so KB is definitely into me as I'm into him. Just some timing issues for us. But the guy's been staying in contact with me for over four months now. It may go slow, but we definitely feel some chemistry. I went there again the next night after dropping DH off at MG's place. He was super busy but it was nice getting to chit chat with him. Me heart goes pit pat, ahhhh.

Dinner was fun, lots of laughing and conversation. Hard to find an item to eat because of the low iodine diet I have been prescribed by the surgeon. The bunless Vegie Burger was perfect.

We went back to metamours place. MG & DH went into the hot tub while SG and I talked. We talked for over an hour when we realized we should join the love birds outside. So SG and I are interested in each other. SG was upfront about the fact he goes really slow in his relationships. This is good since I usually go too fast and wind up disappointed.

And this week I started talking with a new guy CC who is very interested in meeting but we have the Holidays upon us and family visiting. Speaking of family. Due to possible snow in the mountain passes my mother is coming over 5 days earlier than planned. My surgery is in a week. So DH gets tomorrow night with MG (he now has Monday's full overnight, where MG brings him home sometime on Tuesdays and Friday nights) and won't be able to see MG on Mon/Tues as planned. We're not out to any one aside from our oldest child and a few friends. And right before my surgery is not when we un-closet ourselves.

Schedules, SG & I discussed what I'm okay with. Funny he pretty much did the negotiating with me for MG & DH. Sometimes it's easier that way. The Friday's are flexible for change if I need that night. But again, sort of at a stand still with dating due to time constraints and surgery. And MG wants Fridays because she has coping issues from SG being with SA. Funny I seem to find myself (and I think SG is fine too) able to function without my spouse home. It's sort of nice actually. I get the bed to myself to stretch out, when the 2 yo wakes in the night, more room to cuddle her and have found by making the no calling or texting when on way home rule has helped me to get some deeply needed sleep.

I am now finding I don't do well with mornings. Not like dh had been, but I am just not ready for negotiations or being told something on the DH's plans before I've even had a cup of coffee. I find it just a time to actually take advantage of one's weaknesses when they are not fully awake.

Next weekend I'm sure I'll be on here a lot during my recovery. And shoot, I was going to ask SG on a date for Saturday night but now that my mom is planning to come over, well all my dating opportunities are definitely now on the back burner. LAME
Reply With Quote
  #46  
Old 12-06-2013, 01:44 AM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default

I had my thyroid surgery today. Lab results came back benign so only the tumor was removed but in 3 to 5 business days the lab could say cancer. I'm doing good. It's sore but nothing like my c-sections but I can't lay down, that's when it really hurts.

DH is taking awesome good care of me and my metamour and her hub have been so supportive of me, him, us.

Today I have been wide awake, then asleep and eating all within seconds of each other. Guess that's what happens when up at 4 am. And typing/texting makes my eyes close, so weird. Yes it's a struggle a this moment.

DH started a blog. I hope he writes more.

My love life....slow, interesting, guys who "disappeared" or that I "disappeared" from have been in contact with me this week. I began chatting last Friday with someone. It's been different, alas, why are the one's that I do have intellectual, fun conversations with live a few states away? But I like and we chatted on yahoo Monday night. Definitely a way to verify how one looks versus pics.

Okay I'm too groggy.
Reply With Quote
  #47  
Old 12-06-2013, 04:39 PM
Nox Nox is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 214
Default

Have a good recovery, and I'm hoping for good lab results!
__________________
Me: 40 straight male in a V with
Wife: Kay - mono female - married 18 years
LDR girlfriend: Susan - poly female - 3 year relationship
Stakes - very intimate friend
Reply With Quote
  #48  
Old 12-06-2013, 07:44 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,572
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by alibabe_muse View Post
I am now finding I don't do well with mornings. Not like dh had been, but I am just not ready for negotiations or being told something on the DH's plans before I've even had a cup of coffee. I find it just a time to actually take advantage of one's weaknesses when they are not fully awake.
HA - I don't do mornings either. Don't even talk to me before coffee, at least if you want me to agree to anything.

Happy recovery and prayers that the test come back negative for cancer.
Reply With Quote
  #49  
Old 12-08-2013, 01:45 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 267
Default

Sending "get well soon" vibes.
__________________
Me: 40s female
Kip: 50s male, married.
Prof: 50s male.
Reply With Quote
  #50  
Old 12-08-2013, 09:41 AM
alibabe_muse's Avatar
alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North Idaho
Posts: 346
Default

Thanks for the get well thoughts. Had a scare today. Swelling under the steri-strips had me worried. I waited until dh came home before I called the dr. DH has been helping with this and caring for me and the surgery site that I needed his thoughts before I called. Dr said completely normal only call back if oozing or a fever over 101/102.

I brought up the "business" part of poly with the ldr guy. He agreed to sti tests before I am in his town. I told him condoms are ok but I want to fluid bond with him. It'll be up to him & if he doesn't he will buy them.

When we cam'd on Monday we had been chattin for the prior three days. During our chat ldr told me he had marked out his calendar for the weekend I'm there.

I'm thinking about how we started chattin. He was in my quick matches....and my pain pills are taking over, this will be where I pick up after some sleep...
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 08:22 PM.