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Old 11-09-2013, 10:15 PM
london london is offline
Join Date: May 2013
Location: UK - land of the free
Posts: 1,635

Attempting to change your mindset from a monogamous one to a polyamorous one is difficult for someone who ids as poly, let alone someone who doesn't or is unsure if they do. Attempting to do so to be with someone who has that relationship style opposed to doing it because it's something you feel would work for you is inadvisable but it does work out for some and will probably involve some hardship along the way. It is therefore greatly advisable to take an objective look at the relationship and decide whether the hardship is outweighed by the benefits of the relationship at the end. Eg. I read something by a mono in a poly relationship where he said that he would have never agreed to go through the hardship if he didn't have some assurance that they would have a primary style relationship, at least in terms of things like kids and a house. Going through all the pain wouldn't have been worth it if she were to go on to do that with someone else. Largely because that would mean him sacrificing that desire. Plus, if you do weigh up the pros and cons objectively, and find that it is more beneficial than not that "list" is something you can refer to when shit gets tough.
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