Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
The crux is whether or not the slowest person is making an effort to work through their challenges as opposed to just putting up roadblocks to sabotage the whole process.
That's what I mean. In theory and in practice, there is no reason to expect the discomfort to subside just because other people slowed down or stopped seeing each other all together. The way forward necessitates discomfort. The question is whether or not the slowest person is willing to feel uncomfortable. I'd go further to say that pacing is not an independent variable. Power over others may be instead when there is a severe lack of self-awareness in the slowest person. The slowest person then is bullying, not negotiating terms.
Some people are habitually 'lazy' in their unwillingness to work at anything that involves discomfort. That would be a red flag: a poor work ethic, or possibly clinical depression (in which case it's likely best not to get involved romantically).
Let's not forget one thing. Extreme jealousy correlates with violence and abuse. Some people/relationships are not ready for poly (too much invested in a relationship or identity based on a relationship that changes seem like the end of the world).