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  #21  
Old 11-01-2013, 02:05 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Originally Posted by crazyinlove View Post
Just know something. Go with your gut. If it feels one sided then its one sided. He will always come first.
This was difficult to read, but powerful. It's frustrating, because everyone just says, "you have to talk about it". But we do. She says all the right things. But the passion we had at the beginning isn't there... not on her side, anyway. Every now and then, she'll show me affection like she used to, and it's heaven. But it hurts that much worse when I realize it's still not the same.

Thank you so so much for your response. I feel like we are definitely in similar situations. I'll PM you!
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  #22  
Old 11-01-2013, 02:56 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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*Is* she pregnant? Because pregnancy hormones really screw with the emotions and the libido, big-time.

I cried at commercials. COMMERCIALS. If she has become pregnant, I can see the hormones magnifying the emotions she feels when she's missing her husband, and it has nothing to do with how much she loves you.
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  #23  
Old 11-01-2013, 03:25 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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*Is* she pregnant? Because pregnancy hormones really screw with the emotions and the libido, big-time.
She's not sure. She's getting conflicting results on the home tests. IF she is, then she's probably less than 1-2 weeks along. I appreciate and completely understand that this is consuming her attention for now. And I can understand if hormones are out of whack a bit. I just wish I felt needed. And I don't.
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  #24  
Old 11-01-2013, 03:43 PM
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Originally Posted by polywannacrackeryo View Post
She's not sure. She's getting conflicting results on the home tests. IF she is, then she's probably less than 1-2 weeks along. I appreciate and completely understand that this is consuming her attention for now. And I can understand if hormones are out of whack a bit. I just wish I felt needed. And I don't.
Ah. If the results are conflicting, it sounds like the hormones already are out of whack a bit, pregnant or not.

I understand you want to feel needed, and I'm sorry you don't. From personal experience, my emotions weren't just out of whack. They were completely WONKO. TBH, some things never went back to the way they were before (I'm much more of a "crier" now, after having kids, than I ever was before). My libido went up, then off, then all over the place.

I have no idea how hormonal changes would impact NRE chemistry, either, but if your NRE is wearing off at different paces, and she's got other hormonal changes going on, that change and difference in body chemistry may be part of the issue.

All I can suggest is try to take care of yourself too, during the whole emotional roller coaster. I'm sorry you're going through the crummy feelings right now.
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Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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  #25  
Old 11-01-2013, 03:55 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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I have no idea how hormonal changes would impact NRE chemistry, either, but if your NRE is wearing off at different paces, and she's got other hormonal changes going on, that change and difference in body chemistry may be part of the issue.
Thank you. That helps to hear from someone with your perspective. I truly want to believe it when she tells me she still feels as strongly for me as she ever has... and really, I don't have a reason not to. I guess I just like to feel like I'm part of her processing. But she's much more private than I am... Not that she wants to keep things from me; it's just how she deals. Whereas for me, I want to talk to people and share with them when I'm processing. Honestly, last night when she talked with me, on her own terms, about what was going on with her body... I felt so included. It was lovely. I tried to make sure she knew how much I appreciated that. I just have this fear that I'll have that "punched in the gut" kind of feeling creep up on me when I least expect it. I know these things can be a bit of a learning curve anyway... but throw hormones into the mix, and you've really got a cluster fluff.
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  #26  
Old 11-01-2013, 06:35 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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After my first pregnancy-all of the consequtive ones we all knew within days-because my hormones went so screwy I was a disaster, in days.

Definitely has a big impact.

But also the stress of not knowing could have a HUGE effect.

And-on a side note of all of that;
some medications can do all of that too.
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  #27  
Old 11-01-2013, 06:41 PM
peabean peabean is offline
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I'm concerned that you shouldn't brush it all off to hormones. It doesn't appear to me that she sees you as a full partner. I've both had a child and supported my gf through a pregnancy (and subsequent miscarriage) and I have to say, she always made me feel needed.

Besides, all this started before the hormones, right? Also, for me the passion is a real indicator. The fact that she can go WEEKS without being with you (despite sleeping side by side at night, I presume) and will have sex with her husband whenever he's home speaks volumes. It sounds like she's not that into you anymore. I hate to say it, but if she does get pregnant and have a baby, you will be even less of a priority for her. Unless you are an integral part of her support system from the get go, you will get pared down.

Please be careful with yourself. What does she say about the long term? Are you supposed to co-parent with them? If not, will you move out when the baby comes? What if they do move, will you then move but not live with them?
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  #28  
Old 11-01-2013, 06:47 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Originally Posted by peabean View Post
I'm concerned that you shouldn't brush it all off to hormones. It doesn't appear to me that she sees you as a full partner. I've both had a child and supported my gf through a pregnancy (and subsequent miscarriage) and I have to say, she always made me feel needed.

Besides, all this started before the hormones, right? Also, for me the passion is a real indicator. The fact that she can go WEEKS without being with you (despite sleeping side by side at night, I presume) and will have sex with her husband whenever he's home speaks volumes. It sounds like she's not that into you anymore. I hate to say it, but if she does get pregnant and have a baby, you will be even less of a priority for her. Unless you are an integral part of her support system from the get go, you will get pared down.

Please be careful with yourself. What does she say about the long term? Are you supposed to co-parent with them? If not, will you move out when the baby comes? What if they do move, will you then move but not live with them?
These are the fears that are always in the back of my mind. I feel like I completely focus on all the things that are affecting ME, that I must be forgetting about what she's going through right now. That's why I keep telling myself maybe it's just the situation and her hormones, etc. Maybe that is really naive. I don't know. All I know is that I keep voicing my concerns to her, and she keeps telling me I don't have anything to worry about. I'm not really sure what I should do.

They've invited me to move with them if he gets a job out of state. I know they are both comfortable with the idea of living together. But to be honest, I think I'm the one with the most reservations about it.
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  #29  
Old 11-01-2013, 07:00 PM
peabean peabean is offline
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It makes sense to have reservations about it. She can't actually believe that you will be satisfied with her response of ' you have nothing to worry about'. People need to plan things in life, she can't expect you to just follow her without any resolution to these issues.

Also, you SHOULD be focusing on things that are affecting you. No one else will advocate for you! She is likely going through a lot, but if you have a full partnership (as you want) then you will support each other through these things. When my gf was going through the miscarriage, I was diagnosed (the very next day!) with a serious health issue. Through everything, she was there for me, and I was there for her. We cried together, we drove each other to doctors appointments, my husband cared for each of us when he came home from work, and he did all the child care.

What I'm trying to say is, if they have a baby, will you be part of the team? Do you want to be part of that team? These are life altering decisions and they don't seem to recognize the significance of the changes that are ahead.
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  #30  
Old 11-01-2013, 07:27 PM
polywannacrackeryo polywannacrackeryo is offline
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Originally Posted by peabean View Post
What I'm trying to say is, if they have a baby, will you be part of the team? Do you want to be part of that team? These are life altering decisions and they don't seem to recognize the significance of the changes that are ahead.
Speaking just for myself in life, I've never wanted kids of my own. My previous partners have known this, and my current partner knows as well. That's one reason it was so difficult for me to wrap my brain around the possibility. However, IF I felt part of the team, and if they both truly made me feel included, then I might actually see it as a possibility. I'm not sure I would want to live with them at that point, but I could completely consider it. The true problem for me lies in the fact that I fear I'll always feel like an "outsider"... not a part of their little family unit.

I think it may be very possible that I am (*gasp*) monogamous. I don't know for sure. I love who I love. And right now, that's her. I would be willing to reshape my entire definition of "happily ever after" if I knew her heart was in it. The problem is, I don't know if it is.
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