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View Poll Results: Are you known to, and welcome among, all the people in your partners' life
All of them, just as much as if I were a spouse 7 36.84%
More than half of them 3 15.79%
Fewer than half of them 5 26.32%
Not at all. 4 21.05%
Voters: 19. You may not vote on this poll

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  #11  
Old 10-28-2013, 02:49 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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My family and Runic Wolf's family know Wendigo as my best friend, because that is what he was when they were introduced. All of our mutual friends who have asked know that we are seeing each other. Wendigo's wife was once in a quad with us, so obviously I'm known to her. We catch up when we can in the mornings when we pass in the parking lot after dropping the guys off at work. Since she is an author and writer/ copy editor and works from home, there isn't much opportunity for her to hang out (working 11 hours a day doesn't help.) As for their family, we're seen as friends. Up until a year ago, Wendgio lived with his wife's sister and her 2 kids. Prior to that, they shared property with his mother-in-law, brother-in-law, his brother-in-law's girlfriend and kids. This meant there wasn't a lot of privacy, so we would only visit occasionally. (And since at the time, the property was his mother-in-law's, they didn't want to risk her finding out that everything was not what it seemed. Everyone in the family know's he comes over to our house though, so it's just kind of stuck in their memory that we're really good friends. At the moment, our kids only know that we're best friends. His son is a senior in high school and just lost his virginity (though he doesn't know that Wendigo knows yet) and Wendigo felt that it would be better to explain the poly/ kinky thing after his son had a few relationships under his belt since he's just starting to explore his own sexuality.
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  #12  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:47 AM
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My current partner isn't going to be the guy I have a baby with or end up living with. This is something we discussed and therefore, he isn't going to be introduced to any friends or family as a partner. It's highly unlikely I could be out to my family in the sense that they meet more than one partner and after hearing some fun facts about my family, my partner agreed that we wouldn't go there. I've met his friends though, as his girlfriend. I might meet more of his family.
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  #13  
Old 10-28-2013, 03:48 PM
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I am known to almost all of M's friends. The ones who don't know me, it isn't because I am a secret, but because we haven't been dating long (just under 3 months) and he hasn't had the opportunity to introduce me. I am a secret to his mother and to his in-laws. This doesn't bother me. His son knows who I am.

M is known to almost all of my friends, and to my children. My inlaws and my parents don't know I am poly, so we are similar in that way. I have struggled with the idea of letting my parents know, but in the end I keep coming back to the fact that they probably will not be accepting and there will be drama with no point to it, so I stay silent.
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  #14  
Old 10-28-2013, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
In what situations would you be unable to introduce them as your boyfriend? With your family? Would you feel that being introduced as someone important, but not specifically as a girlfriend, is the same as being kept a secret?
I have introduced H to my family. H was even in C and my wedding party. My family has been around H several times and they really like him and think he is a great guy, but as far as they know he is just a good friend of mine. My family knows that I stay the night at H's house a lot when I am visiting him (LDR), but they don't think anything of it since H also has a gf.

Since my family is very conservative Christian, I could never see myself telling them the truth about H. It would just lead to judgement and disappointment on their part.
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  #15  
Old 10-29-2013, 01:27 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
I'm curious, from those who are secondaries: how much are you a part of your bf/gf's life?
We are a family. There is no exclusion, intentional or otherwise.

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Are you kept completely isolated, and a secret from, from their friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, or anyone else?
No, and honestly I wouldn't have an interest in being excluded. If we met as people and didn't like each other, that would be on thing, but being removed intentionally would be annoying, at this stage, for all of us.

I say at this stage because shit happens and things change. Just a matter of how and when.

Quote:
Is your relationship known to some of the people in your partner's life? Is there some integration, but some people from whom your partner chooses to keep your relationship secret (or private, if you prefer?)
Everyone in our world is poly friendly or family friendly. No one is excluded and there is no secrecy.

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Or are your partner's friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers as much a part of your life as they would be if you were a spouse?
Yes.. heck even my metamour. I get along great with his family.. haha

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If your partner, or the two of you jointly, decide to keep your relationship private from some or all, what are your reasons?
When we all first got together we didn't scream it from rooftops. We simply let things lie until we knew more as a couple of couplings. As we got more involved and more intertwined more people knew. Some we intentionally came out to, otherwise we simply let see our relationship for what it was, without labels. Its not to say we aren't out.. we just didn't give it a label... we are a family, we live as a family and we are accepted as a family.

Lastly anyone who wasnt poly friendly... We ditched.. period. Not worth out time to put that much work into friendships which just became annoying more than productive.
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  #16  
Old 11-01-2013, 03:21 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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I did vote, although out of my three partners, only my husband is currently operating under the primary/secondary models, as far as I understand, both my other partners just consider people "partners"


Are you kept completely isolated, and a secret from, from their friends, family, neighbors, co-workers, or anyone else?

Brian, my partner of 2.5 years, is not out as poly to his family, and they live in another country. When his mother visited this year, I did not meet her, neither did his other partner of 7 years. He is really private and just thinks nothing is their business. His soon to be ex-wife didn't want to be friends with me, and I respected that, but it did mean there wasn't meshing of space on that level, no board game nights or movies. Now that he and his wife have separated. I have recently been invited a couple times to events where coworkers would be. In general hs is not interested in his coworkers knowing his personal business.

Greg, who I have been with less than a year, is not out to one sibling, but not to his parents, though it looks like he will be not too far in the future, and he is looking forward to introduce both me and his other partner to them. He has recently become more out at work, which is nice, as my husband works at the same company, and my husband is very out as poly. He's invited me to a work type party but we didn't end up going.

I would be open to being totally a secret to family/coworkers in a casual relationship, but never to friends/other partners.

Is your relationship known to some of the people in your partner's life? Is there some integration, but some people from whom your partner chooses to keep your relationship secret (or private, if you prefer?)

Don't think there is anything to say that I didn't say in the former answer - both of my other partners are either all out in places, or not out, neither of them introduce partner A around, but not partner B, or vice versa. My relationships with my partners are known to my friends and family that I care enough to have in my life, my husband feels free to reference to his friends and coworkers when I have plans with my boyfriends.

Or are your partner's friends, family, neighbors, and co-workers as much a part of your life as they would be if you were a spouse?
No. I don't have to talk to their neighbors because I don't live with them. I don't have to go to holidays if I don't want to. I don't have to go to work events if I don't want to. I feel more of an obligation to do some of these things with my husband.
That said - Greg is making an attempt to make me a part of his life in a way that makes it possible for me to spend time with his other partners and friends. I *may* have them be as much a part of my life as I would if they were friends and partners of my spouse, my husband doesn't mind hosting people here, so at some point a nice general extended family dynamic might be taking over. My goal in general is to spend time with people I like, and not to be with people I don't have stuff in common with, and that goes the same for your friends, partners and coworkers if I'm married to you or just seeing you once a month.

If your partner, or the two of you jointly, decide to keep your relationship private from some or all, what are your reasons?

As I mentioned, both of my partners aren't all out everywhere. I respect this, and will refrain from PDA or mentioning being in a relationship with them as needed. Nevertheless, this has made me realize that I am not really interested in being involved with people who are not fully out if they want to have me around people they care about, especially if they are close with their family. I don't have any interest in hanging out in a group "pretending" I am just a friend, and luckily I haven't had to do that.
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