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  #191  
Old 10-22-2013, 04:34 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Feeling the most at ease I have since the break up. I can think of him and us not only without falling to pieces but also with joy and pleasure at the happiness we shared.

Sent out olive branch to both of them on reestablishing our friendships. Looking for individual friend dates with each of them and one with both.

Probably going to wait on dating until moved out. I don't knew where he is in healing and it seems rude to either bring a date home or be gone from home for one without knowing if he could cope. Woodsmith and I are looking so I'm less concerned with that stall than I would be if there wasn't a set plan to leave.
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Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
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  #192  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:53 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Ugh. So since I told him I was done and we both had to move on, let go, and get our friendship back (10 days now) Seven has been in such a foul mood. If Lamian isn't home by the time I return from the zoo I'm calling him out on it.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #193  
Old 10-28-2013, 01:58 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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So there's a part of me that is actually contemplating going to a kink Halloween party on Friday. I'll make a decision that day because I know a part of it is that I'm pissed at how Seven is acting that I'm thinking of doing something that may hurt him.

Anyways, the reason I came here. To share something I wrote on a FB poly discussion group I'm a member of.

I need to do a rant myself. And maybe someone will have advice as to what to do from it. I don't even know what advice I'm looking for if any.

The end of August my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. Our relationship and it's development (including power exchange) was apparently causing fights between him and his wife. Needless to say neither of us wanted the break up and during check ins to see how each of us were doing there was continuous conversation about the two of us getting back together once they figured out their shit. Plus living together makes things hard

He finally makes a comment that he doesn't know how long it would take for her to be comfortable and that he's up for a work promotion sometime after the start of the year that would have him working every weekend. The biggest need that I kept mentioning was a need for time. I've learned that I don't like casual relationships and for me a serious relationship needs a full day open and available for it (so for me, as long as I work I get polysaturated at two partners). That comment made me state that the two of us need to let go and just channel all our energy/feelings back into being best friends and confidants (which we were for a few years before starting dating).

Now he's been in a foul mood since. Sulking like a child because he's upset/pissed about something rather than addressing what is making him this way. Plus he and his wife both blame me for everything that happened. While she tells me that she was never mad at me or thought I was doing anything wrong he says that she believes I never respected their marriage. However, I trusted that he was telling me the truth about what was going on. Everything in our relationship I made it clear he needed to talk with her about to make sure it was okay and every time he said it was. So all of my actions were being based off of what he said was okay.

The thing is, this was his choice. He could have made others. I asked when he finally mentioned she was having problems that the three of us have a sit down with Amy (a local kink/poly friend therapist here) to have a discussion with a mediator. That request was ignored. The biggest problem in regards to their fighting was the power exchange. He could have listened to her when she said kink only in the bedroom and to me when I said even though I needed some sort of kink with him I needed time with him more. But no, he wanted a slave too badly to listen to anyone.
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Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #194  
Old 10-30-2013, 03:23 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Dear Cattiva,

Why haven't you moved out of the house yet????

There is nothing, NOTHING that you have said--and I have been reading this blog for a while--that makes me think, "Wow, Seven is awesome, what an amazing guy." He is not. He is childish, manipulative, self-centered, and possibly emotionally abusive. There is NOT ONE good quality of his that I can see.

Your blog here has become really engaging to read since your relationship with Seven ended. I am really rooting for you. Your personality is starting to shine, and you have sounded more independent and thoughtful and HAPPY since August, even though you have been understandably grieving since then.

Earlier I had had to stop reading your blog--it was so depressing and one-note. Seven wouldn't make time for you, but he would make time for Peaseblossom. Seven's wife Lamian wouldn't compromise with you on seeing Seven more, even though she had a boyfriend of her own. I could not understand why you didn't move out of this emotionally deranged household. You sounded like a better, stronger person than everyone else involved.

Right now, Seven is acting like a sulky child BECAUSE HE IS ONE. He reminds me of my ex-boyfriend from college. He lived with another woman and I was comfortable with that, but he would sulk instead of talking to me when he was upset. When the other woman and I struggled to get along, he would tell me one thing and her another, while manipulating us both into thinking he was communicating well. She would flip out for no reason, and I thought she was crazy, but it was because he was lying to both her and to me.

The reason you, Lamian, and Peaseblossom ALL could not thrive while seeing Seven was because SEVEN IS THE PROBLEM.

He cannot continue to be your best friend either, because I have not heard of EVEN ONE THING he has done that is supportive of you or helpful to you.

I do get that you love him, and I understand your grief better than you know.

But you need to MOVE OUT AND FIND A NEW DOM. There is nothing else that will work here.

And WHY IN THE WORLD do you need to consider Seven's feelings regarding whether you go to the kink party on Halloween? He is not considering your feelings AT ALL. He is being a self-centered douchebag if he thinks you should wait around for an indefinite period to see if he can grow a pair of balls (er, I mean, to see if Lamian will let him see you again).

Go to the party. But not to make Seven jealous. Go because you need to move on with your life, have fun, and meet new people.

You've been doing so well lately. Your recent posts are interesting and show strong signs that you are healing and finding yourself. I am writing all this because I care about you and I think you deserve better than a manipulative, self-centered, emotionally stunted whiner who thinks he deserves a slave.

And that's my rant

Ignore Seven and pick out your outfit for the party!
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  #195  
Old 10-30-2013, 03:36 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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I agree with Meera
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Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #196  
Old 10-30-2013, 04:42 AM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Money is why haven't moved yet. Started looking for places when the breakup happened but realized that with my pitiful pay and Woodsmith not working couldn't afford any rent on places. Now looking to buy but need a co-signer to get the pre-approval because of my pay. My dad might be willing to do that. But isn't sure.

Why I can't live with my parents. One they don't really Artica of either the poly or the kink. Two my mother has a history of hitting me when I don't agree with her in actions or words.

Woodsmith's parents know nothing about our life and would kick us out of they found out. His mother already blames me for him leaving the church and just because of photos I've posted going to burlesque events (much let's if she knew I did burlesque or nude modeling) thinks of me as a whore and porn enabler.

I don't feel welcome or even safe really at my home. I never told anyone but I actually started looking for someplace in April. I doubted Woodsmith would understand my need to leave then so I was looking even just at studios. But I started feeling things were so tense between Lamian and I she would rather me dead than sharing a space with her. Now I find out the reason Seven is hiding is because he feels he would snap aggressively just being around me. I'm hate the feeling of being terrified of someone I've loved, cared for, and who meant so much of hating me so much he's afraid he would hurt me if he shared space with me.

I will be going to the party if they are staying home that day. I may still go otherwise. But no matter what I will not mention the kink aspect if only now for my own well-being.

I'm really hoping that my dad is willing to co-sign on three loan and we find a place. My leaving here is my priority right now.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #197  
Old 10-30-2013, 04:54 AM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Wordsmith needs to get a job.
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40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #198  
Old 10-30-2013, 12:54 PM
CattivaGattina CattivaGattina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dagferi View Post
Wordsmith needs to get a job.
I know. His things is two fold. 1) He wants a job that is going to help him along his career once he finishes his degree. 2) He doesn't want to give up his weekends and doesn't know how working during the week with school would help. He gets money each month from his dad while he's in school but that doesn't help with anything regarding a loan because since it isn't income they don't count it.
__________________
Cattiva: Me
Woodsmith: My husband
Tighearn: boyfriend/dom
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
NT: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: NT and Merry girlfriend
Umbra: Elle's Dom
Pet: Umbra's slave/wife, Elle girlfriend
Domo: Pet's submissive
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  #199  
Old 10-30-2013, 03:05 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CattivaGattina View Post
I know. His things is two fold. 1) He wants a job that is going to help him along his career once he finishes his degree. 2) He doesn't want to give up his weekends and doesn't know how working during the week with school would help. He gets money each month from his dad while he's in school but that doesn't help with anything regarding a loan because since it isn't income they don't count it.
And people in hell want ice water. In this job market a lot of people are not working in their chosen field. You work at McDonalds if you have to. As for not working weekends you do what you need to do. Do you think Butch wants to be home with his kids and me. He gets one weekend off every three weeks. Murf works every other weekend. We missed a lot of fun things this summer because he had to work. 12hr midnights at that. I have to work several weekends a month. It its the nature of emergency veterinary medicine.

When I went to college I was a single mom with a toddler. I also worked 40 hours. In a competitive science program. I even managed to get a 3.9 average and accepted into vet school. I sucked it up and did what I needed to do for my son.

Just like I suck it up now to help with household expenses. Woodsmith needs to do what he needs to do to take care of his family. Not be a leech who sucks his parents and wife dry. Men take care of their woman's needs.
__________________
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.
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  #200  
Old 10-30-2013, 03:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I agree. CG, you are surrounded by immature babies who push off all their responsibilities and dump you with the consequences. UGH.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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