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  #11  
Old 10-29-2013, 03:46 PM
LuvinCpl LuvinCpl is offline
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After I posted this last night I looked through the forums, you're right there are tons of couples looking for one person. Though it was nice to see plenty looking for male partners too. We don't see that in most other sites.
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  #12  
Old 10-29-2013, 04:13 PM
LuvinCpl LuvinCpl is offline
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Wow guys, seriously?

First of all, I know legally we can't marry a woman, there are other ways of going about it though. Commitment ceremonies, can still have a ring, etc, etc.

Yes, equal, in everything other than the obvious legal things like a marriage license. Equal in sharing everything.

Out? Totally. We already are out to everyone we know and have done the whole "PDA in public" together before. No dirty little secrets.

And you wonder if we understand why we are finding it so hard to find our "unicorn"... I wouldn't say this has been difficult to find someone due to lack of interest in us. In fact we have dated many women. There have been plenty that do want this type of relationship, sharing everything, living together eventually and even an equal as a "wife" as much as law would or wouldn't allow. So, why are we still looking? Since we've dated so many and so many are into this? Why are we still looking? Well, why does anyone go on a date and not have a second? Or date someone a few times then not anymore? Things just don't click sometimes. The same as with any two people, only there's three.

Also, you mention what if she doesn't like to do the things we do, great communication, cuddling, etc, etc... what? Am I to not list anything we like to do together? If I were monogamous I guess my ad should just say "I like to do stuff"? No, I would say what types of things I like to do and am good at. If a certain woman comes along that likes those things too, then she would message me... it's happened before. So why shouldn't we do this here as well? And of course it says WE do this and WE like that, we're saying WE would like to find someone to do those things with.

And last, seriously, why do I feel like you guys are bashing? I mean, I simply posted something stating what we're looking for and it seems most of you are, well, assuming we're like EVERYONE else. Not understanding of the situation, not in it for the right reasons, not interested in what the other woman would want. What's the deal here? I just got here and you guys make me want to leave.
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  #13  
Old 10-29-2013, 04:26 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Welcome to the forum, Chris and Michelle.

I am never one to tell people to live. I say...get it how you live.

My only question is why poly-fi? What if this woman wants to have a husband or wife of her own in a legal sense? What if she wants to have children--with someone outside of your husband? Will be she allowed to do that, or is that a breaking point?

I am not bashing either of you. Honestly? I could not give a damn what others do with their lives. If it does not impede my life in any way, it matters not. I am not going to lose any sleep, and my heart is going to keep beating. I encourage people to seek happiness and do what they want.

Do not let anyone run you off. These are common questions and concerns. Quite a few people have either been that couple or that woman, and could it be projection from a negative experience? Maybe, or they could be pointing out the error of your ways and trying to give you a perspective that you may not be able to see while in a situation. I call it the blind spot. Often, it helps me to get advice from unbiased people. Do not take it as criticism.

Either way it goes. I wish you luck, Chris and Michelle. I do hope you find what you are looking for, be an active member, make some friends, and even gain some insight. Feel free to even start a blog about your poly meanderings. Best of luck.

Ry
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  #14  
Old 10-29-2013, 04:32 PM
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Emm Emm is offline
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I've moved this to the Dating and Friendships forum, which means that anyone posting in this thread from now on who's not actively trying to date the OP is off topic.

If LuvinCpl wishes to discuss their dating style or ask for tips they can start a new thread in General Poly Discussions or the Poly Relationships Corner.
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  #15  
Old 10-29-2013, 04:35 PM
LuvinCpl LuvinCpl is offline
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Thanks for the kind words :-)

As I guess any polyamorous person knows, there are many ways of being poly. We do what works for ourselves. There is no one way of being this way. For us, we know that having a plethora of relationships is not what we want. We feel most comfortable and happy with it being three of us. We know we can more easily divide our time for each other and yet not feel like we barely spend time together. Like I mentioned in a previous post, there are plenty of other people out there that want it the same way, we've dated some, they exist :-) We would like to find someone that wants to be a part of a closed triad. If one day we all want to add a fourth, then we will. Will she be able to have a child by us? No, and I guess we should have mentioned in our ad, we're 38 and 40. We've had kids already and can't have more, nor do we want more.

So sure, this decreases the amount of women that would be interested in us, but we don't care. If it takes us another two years or two decades, we won't settle for just anyone just because she's a bi female. And we wouldn't want her to settle for us either. We should all stick to want we want and get out there and get it. Whether it's one partner, two or ten.
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  #16  
Old 10-29-2013, 04:37 PM
LuvinCpl LuvinCpl is offline
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Emm... I already posted this in Dating and Friendships forum. Some others here just decided to chime in a lot on what we're looking for rather than just saying welcome :-)
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