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  #31  
Old 10-28-2013, 06:25 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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I don't like the concept of "having authority" over children as if they were little slaves that had no minds or thoughts of their own and needed to be commanded in order to function.~ This is why I reject the way many Humans treat their "pets".~

I see all creatures, whether they are Human or not, as freely thinking functioning individuals capable of making their own decisions and choosing how to live their own lives regardless of what any one else may think.~ I understand the want to protect them, but be careful "protection" doesn't go too far and become "control".~ Some times they may want help and guidance and other times you may feel like giving it to them even if they don't want your help or guidance, for the last part it is up to you to do this or not.~

Although personally, I wouldn't like any one who is not actually an "Uncle" or "Aunt" to be called one by my children or any one's children if we are connected in a parenting sort of way to the children and/or to each other as in a lovers sort of way as I would find that very weird because of the way I grew up knowing and using those words.~

I actually have nothing against those who choose to marry or have a romantic relationship with their siblings, but that's not the point, the point is I find the use or "Uncle" and "Aunt" used in this way to be demeaning to all of our relationships to each other.~
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  #32  
Old 10-28-2013, 08:37 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I find that interesting. I wouldn't want the kids not to know the relationship I have with their dad.
The type of relationship you're describing seems to be a live in one...and I'm assuming you put in equal time with the children (though I know few mothers willing to give up that kind of time to another woman!). I prefer one in which I'm something in between, not a mother, not an aunt, not a stranger. Also, I don't like live in for myself. I want my own space.

I'd rather keep myself as "friend of the family," which kids understand and are comfortable with....then some weird "aunt" role, which they don't understand, and might be interpreted as "new mother." Probably paranoid, but unless my change dramatically simplifies, I don't want that as another hassle to deal with.
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  #33  
Old 10-29-2013, 06:40 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
The type of relationship you're describing seems to be a live in one...and I'm assuming you put in equal time with the children (though I know few mothers willing to give up that kind of time to another woman!). I prefer one in which I'm something in between, not a mother, not an aunt, not a stranger. Also, I don't like live in for myself. I want my own space.

I'd rather keep myself as "friend of the family," which kids understand and are comfortable with....then some weird "aunt" role, which they don't understand, and might be interpreted as "new mother." Probably paranoid, but unless my change dramatically simplifies, I don't want that as another hassle to deal with.
Just because you may be "considered" a "mother" by children doesn't mean you HAVE to BE or DO ANYTHING.~

Despite what others may tell you, there is NO ONE DEFINITION of being a PARENT let alone a MOTHER.~

Besides if they have enough mothers or parents already (it varies) then it shouldn't be a problem if you express your "non-desire" to be a more "duty-bound" person just because you're involved with their lives, and if it IS going to BE a problem well that's up to you what do with that.~

LYING TO THE CHILDREN OR TO ANYONE is just being deceitful and makes it seem like you are "ashamed" of your relationships, at least that's the way it seems to me.~

Besides, children are much more clever than you may think and they WILL figure it out eventually, but like I said that DOESN'T MEAN they're going to automatically "consider you their new "mother"", they're more likely going to see you as they have always seen you.~

What you are and what you do as a parent or "connected via family" is more up to YOU rather than up the CHILDREN involved, yes they control how they see you but that can change depending on how YOU CONTROL what you DO OR DON'T DO.~

Being a "parent" or "person involved in some way in children's lives" IS NOT ABOUT SLAVERY FOR EITHER OF YOU, it's a MUTUAL AGREED RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU!~

I'm not advocating one parenting style over another, I'm just saying THERE IS NO "ONE" WAY TO BE A "PARENT"!~

Great luck!~ ^_^
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Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~


Last edited by ColorsWolf; 10-29-2013 at 07:26 PM.
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  #34  
Old 10-29-2013, 07:38 PM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColorsWolf View Post
LYING TO THE CHILDREN OR TO ANYONE is just being deceitful and makes it seem like you are "ashamed" of your relationships, at least that's the way it seems to me.~

Besides, children are much more clever than you may think and they WILL figure it out eventually, but like I said that DOESN'T MEAN they're going to automatically "consider you their new "mother"", they're more likely going to see you as they have always seen you.~
Of course they'll figure it out Probably quicker than adults. But there's "deceiving" and there's "oversharing." Did your parents tell you about their sex lives?

I would prefer to just let the children know, by actions, what they can and can't count on me for...and leave it at that.

But as for names? Just my own name. No silliness of nicknames or "aunt."
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  #35  
Old 10-29-2013, 11:30 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Of course they'll figure it out Probably quicker than adults. But there's "deceiving" and there's "oversharing." Did your parents tell you about their sex lives?

I would prefer to just let the children know, by actions, what they can and can't count on me for...and leave it at that.

But as for names? Just my own name. No silliness of nicknames or "aunt."
I feel sorry for you and for many others who still suffer from this meaningless unnatural self-destructive-causing concept of "shame".~

What does my parent's sex lives have to with ANYTHING?!~

By the way, YES, YES THEY DID!~ Although that was THEIR CHOICE to wait until we were well into our 20's to start casually mentioning their sex lives, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN EVERYONE SHOULD DO THIS, THE POINT IS NO ONE HAS TO "PARENT A CERTAIN WAY" AND JUST BECAUSE YOU MAY NOT AGREE WITH SOME ONE'S PARENTING STYLE DOES NOT MEAN THEY HAVE TO JUSTIFY IT IN ANY WAY WHAT SO EVER TO YOU OR TO ANY ONE!!!~

I'm glad that you seem to have gotten most of the point I was trying to make, with the exception of your seemingly thinly veiled "attack" directed at me.~
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Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~


Last edited by ColorsWolf; 10-29-2013 at 11:32 PM.
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