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Old 10-16-2013, 12:50 PM
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Scott Scott is offline
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Location: near Toronto, Canada -.-
Posts: 237

I told everyone. I told my last girlfriend on the third date, before we were a couple. It was hard, but the last thing I wanted was her mistakenly assuming that I had eyes only for her. During our 1 year relationship, I never really did much with anyone else, although even with the few times that I did a few things (a casual online relationship, a neighbour who I really liked), she didn't do so well with it. I think things really went south when I dispelled her parent's illusion that I was monogamous minded.
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Old 10-16-2013, 02:39 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Haven't read the replies.

But-we definitely told our families asap and we are out to anyone who inquires. He's the other love of my life. It would be disrespectful to him, to keep that in the closet.
We are not secretive about our other loves.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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Old 10-16-2013, 06:44 PM
Inyourendo Inyourendo is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Crazytown USA
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my family, my ex's family and DH's mom knows (she lives with J). The rest of his family mostly dont know because it's never come up as they are out of state.
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Old 10-17-2013, 02:34 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 915

I have only read the responses on this page.

I told them years ago and took it back recently. The maternal side knows not to mention it or my ex. The paternal side knew about the relationship and the end, but they learned today what happens when they bring up a forbidden topic. DH's family now views us as a mono couple. He is mono, and they hated me flaunting (not hiding) my extramarital relationship. It caused some serious problems. We are still feeling the undercurrents. If DH ever reaches a point of tolerance again and I ever want to get in to another relationship, he has made it clear that he refuses to be out to family, friends, or co-workers. I cannot force him to be outed because of formerly my poly tendencies, so I have no ground to argue with him on this.

I have sincere regrets about coming out to our families. If I knew now what I knew then, I would have stayed in the closet and kept it to myself. Dirty little secret, disrespectful, or not, it was not worth the hell, strain on most relationships, and rifts created. Lesson learned.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.

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Old 10-18-2013, 08:32 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 331

My best friend knows and one of my brothers (and his wife) knows. The best friend worries a little about it thinking that my wife might decide she's not OK with it after all and I lose access to my children.

My brother is not down with it and refuses to discuss Susan ever. It really hurts because I've supported them in lots of non-conventional thinking. And if his attitude is like that, I have no idea how I'd ever tell my parents. Also, Susan and Kay would both hate it if I did.
Me: 43 straight male in a V with
Kay - mono female - married 20 years
Txgirl - 2 year relationship
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Old 10-25-2013, 04:07 AM
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Piroska Piroska is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 90

Guy - both his brothers know he's poly, but so far they only know about our attempted triad with our ex-girlfriend J. He's leery about telling them about my current relationship with Morp (because he's a man, and that would be more frowned on than a woman). His sister would never speak to me again if she found out about Morp - not that she does now, anyway, but it would be even more of a stone wall. His parents also know about J; but while his mom pretty much ignored it, his dad stopped talking to me until the end of the relationship - and now pretends I never sent him a long letter with reference articles etc (probably a stupid move, but I was trying to help him understand it, since he wasn't talking to me) or that J was ever in the picture. Again, if Morp was mentioned - it would be worse. Now that his grandfather is moving in state - he wants to keep it even quieter. On the other hand - he found out the ethnic community he's part of actually has an active swinger contingent - which is so very funny, and makes him a little less terrified of the prospect of the (very tight knit) community finding out about us.

Morp - the sibling he's currently roommates with is very very strict religiously - she would hate me, and kick him out for dating a married woman. So, she's not getting told. He's told his kids about me, though, since he's divorced and they were pestering him to date again. Other people in his life know.

I told my parents separately (they're divorced) - she was more worried than I expected, about stds and the kids' perceptions. My dad thinks it's all about sex, which I guess makes sense - he cheated on mom, and then they sorta-kinda tried poly - his famous words "I liked my mistress so much I brought her home to meet my wife" - but after that broke up he just stuck to regular cheating. My middle sister knows (she bought me Sex at Dawn when she found out, cause she's awesome like that), and my eldest and youngest will know next time I have a chance to really talk to them.

The kids haven't been told in so many words yet - when J was staying weekends she was "mommy's friend who is having a sleepover" (just like they have sleepovers at their friend's houses). I've talked in general about the theory of poly - more in the; 'it's fine for people to have multiple relationships as long as everyone agrees'. Which is reassuring to my second daughter - she and her best friend both have a crush on the same boy in their class. (yikes). And I refer to Morp casually in conversation sometimes - like in a conversation we had about movies the other day - his tastes are different than Guy's - but they haven't met yet.

I wasn't out at work until Morp took me to lunch one day and when he dropped me back off he and I were kissing in the truck when a coworker came out to leave for the day. So I introduced him to her - I didn't want her to think I was cheating. She was a little weirded out - but I'd brought up poly before, mostly cause of the dating website our boss was on that he wanted to give us updates on his (lack of) success all the time. After I quit that job I was at a client's office and had to leave by a certain time so was rushing to get done, and running late - he asked about why I was rushing and I told him I had a date with my boyfriend. If anyone would have taken it badly I think he would have - very conservative, religious, etc - but he'd already started bugging me to tell him about my book (erotica) and I'd warned him I had "non mainstream relationships" which he insisted didn't bother him - so I up and told him. He did a double take at the mention of boyfriend - and I reminded him 'non mainstream, remember?' and breezed out the door. So - at this point - I'm just about completely out.

It definitely helps though, that I'm not tied to a job any more. Cause while I don't know if my former boss would have taken it badly - he could have, and he's very arbitrary, so I could have found myself fired. (Tiny firm, no real recourse.) And my current biggest client - I haven't told yet, but his son is gay, so it's less likely that he'll freak out when he finds out.

Oh - and I started wearing a bracelet about a year ago (most days, not every day) when I was tired of being invisible (it's pretty easy to mistake me for a heterosexual mono vanilla woman) - that has the leather flag (red heart, black, blue and white), the diversity flag (rainbow), the polyamory flag (gold pi sign, blue, red and black), and the bisexual flag (pink, purple, blue). Most people don't know what it means and therefore ignore it, but I feel more comfortable knowing that I'm "out" without being in-your-face, and if someone else recognizes one or more it enables a softer approach, conversation starter.
current relationships:
Guy - Dom/husband
Minx - sort of dating
Cru - (no longer dating)
Lee - Guy's girlfriend
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Old 10-25-2013, 08:07 PM
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ColorsWolf ColorsWolf is offline
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Location: CA, U.S.A.
Posts: 360

I told my family the moment I realized I see absolutely no reason what so ever to "try" to "stop myself" from loving more than one person.~

I get discouraged by people who "like to keep it in the closet" because it seems to me like they are "ashamed" of who they are and what they are doing.~ The same goes for every thing: showing affection in public, letting people know about their multiple relationships, not hiding their sexuality or lack there of, etc.~

I am an "open-book" and I am NOT "private" in ANY sense of the word, so I don't like to be with people who are like the above.~

I don't believe you can control who you love, so why try to fight it?~

Love isn't about convenience, schedules, lists, time, rules, or logic: it just "is" regardless of every thing.~

That's not to say you CAN'T make schedules for "quality time" and what not, but make no mistake: love is going to be love no matter what you do, some times you don't want to "go with the schedule", just chuck it all, and do what you feel like doing.~


Love yourself, you are beautiful!~ ^_^

*Believe in yourself, you can do anything*!~ ^_^

Appreciate every thing, every thing is precious.~

Last edited by ColorsWolf; 10-25-2013 at 08:13 PM.
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Old 10-26-2013, 02:35 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 923

BF has not told his family in 17 years of an open marriage.
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Old 10-28-2013, 12:38 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,444

My husband's family (his mother) knew but she died this year. My family... I'm not sure. I barely ever talk to them and never told them directly but never hid it either, and I'm out on Facebook and all. So they might know, they might not, and I don't really care either way.
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coming, coming out, coming out poly, coming out to family, religious

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