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Old 10-24-2013, 01:09 AM
Dstone Dstone is offline
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Default my real story of polyamory love...

How did I end up here?,...

Well, the word .polyamory, or Poly, to me, seems to describe best, my(our) relationship/marriage/lifestyle. In its most basic form, I am a guy, who 'Technically' is, and has been, for 6+ years now, in a wonderful, and yes, very intimate relationship with my loving wife, and her adult daughter (in our household, I despise the word stepdaughter). I suppose, at first glance, many would view this as creepy or wrong, Even morally Incestuous perhaps, but that is the cold, judgmental outsiders view of those who do not know us. Others would look upon this type of relationship as Me (The Guy), simply taking advantage of the 'Stepfather/Stepdaughter' relationship that is all too familiar, told time and time again across the Internet, where attraction to the 'Younger and/or More Beautiful' live-in just could not be resisted. Personally, at first glance, even I would normally be as sickened by this type of family activity, passing it off as some 'Sick Male Fantasy', destined for destruction, resulting in jealousy, Divorce, and most unfortunately, mental damage to the stepdaughter in the end, so the question now, is 'How did I, a normally resistant, reasonable person, end up in such a situation?'. This is my 3rd marriage officially, and ironically, I avoided and resisted, in my second marriage, this very thing from happening. Starting there would be more appropriate I suppose, in this long story of love and life that I am about to tell, so I will begin there...

After my first divorce, and being treated like total garbage by my first, very demanding, very self centered, selfish wife, I swore I would never marry again. I was convinced that Marriage itself, was the downfall of any relationship, where neither party had to 'Impress and Respect' each other any more, because neither could just walk away so easily if the other did something distasteful. After my first divorce, I landed a career that included full time worldwide travel (lucky me), and yes, I was a true 'Bad-Boy' with many part-time girlfriends, but I never hid my relationships. Being gone all the time, landed me with my house being broken into, and burned to the ground by thieves. I lost everything, and all that I had worked for, and oh yeah,...the insurance company told me,...you still have to pay off the house. I ended up living with one of those 'Part-Time' girlfriends, nearby but we didn't hit it off very well. We were just too different, but we stayed together nonetheless, simply out of convenience. We didn't even sleep in the same room together, and only 'tried' to have sex a couple times, where it just didn't work for me. Go figure the irony of that. Well anyways, she lost her job, and I was never there, traveling away, seeing girlfriends, and going out, all open to her, as we were now just autonomous roomies. I told her I would take care of the bills, no biggie on the job. She had an 18-yr old daughter that eventually came to visit regularly, and I, being a bad-boy already, was attracted to her physically, but not emotionally in a BF/GF way, so I kept my distance. Several years of living together, unmarried, just as roommates, we had a pretty good friendship, and her daughter grew to like me a little too much there for a time. She considered me her 'Step-Dad', even though her mother and I were not married because I gave her lots of attention when she was over. I actually fell into the role somewhat naturally as well, and still consider her to this day a 'Stepdaughter'. Yes, she teased me, walking around in panties, etc...I am an affectionate guy anyways who cannot get enough hugs and cuddles, so lots of that went on, but the temptation for sex was not at interest, believe it or not, and I think that is what pushed her to tease me. I think she had some uncertainty to her 'attractiveness', not sure. She was a virgin, and she would ask me about sex, and wanted me to tell her about how men 'think', and all things sexual between men and women, every detail, position, how-to, etc. I hold nothing back in who I am, nor am secretive about things, and she was an adult (21 by now). I would tell her about how men are lustful, and even pointed out to her that she turned me on once in a while when she was running around half dressed, and her naiveness and beauty itself was difficult to resist sometimes. We became very close, and I could tell she was ready for me at one point if I wanted her. It confused me greatly, and I did not know what to do. The 'Manly' part of me wanted her very much, especially on those days we would cuddle, and she would rub herself up and down against my leg very subtly and gently, hoping I wouldn't notice too much, telling me she loved me. I knew it wouldn't take much persuasion to get her in bed, but the reasonable, more sane part of me, said 'Its Taboo'. So young, and considered a stepdaughter. It literally tore me apart in my head for a while, so I sought outside opinion, as I knew my own was very unstable. After all, her mother and I were NOT married, and we were NOT intimate, and hadn't been for years. In the end, despite finding out that it was in fact 'Common' for this type of thing to happen, I resisted her, because of something very profound a friend that I had met told me. He actually was in the same situation several years prior, with not only one stepdaughter, but 4. He told me -- There are some doors that once they are open, cannot be closed again,... Some of the things we do in this world, once done, cannot be undone. Once you see something, you cannot UN-see it. Maybe not for you, but if she regrets it later,...And believe me, she will,...she, nor you, can 'Undo it', and fix it. What will she tell her future husband about how she lost her virginity?,...or where she learned to have sex?,... -- His point was clear, and it straightened my head right out. I stopped cuddling with her so much, but would still tease her verbally, letting her know she was attractive, so she wouldn't think I was rejecting her. A couple years later,...in college, she met the love of her life, and married him. She said to me on her next visit, during the holidays, thank you,...Thank you for not taking advantage of me when you could have,...I Married and loved as a true virgin, with my true love, and nothing in the world could have ever come close to that moment my new husband and I shared together. Moments like that happen only once in a lifetime, and are cherished forever. Nothing could have ever been more perfect and beautiful,...thank you for not taking that away from me.

(continued next post...)
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:17 AM
Dstone Dstone is offline
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(continued...)
I was very, very proud of myself for doing the right thing with her after she told this to me. I now understood the value of such a thing, and that the consequences of desire have no place, or right, interfering with someone's future or self esteem. I knew without doubt now, it would have been wrong, and understood the full meaning of 'Some Doors Should Not Be Opened'. I ended up marrying her mother because she had no health insurance, because she needed major surgery. The HMO denied health care anyways, and basically told her to go off and die, but thats a whole other story. A year after that fiasco, I met someone I finally wanted to be with. I fell totally in love with her, and she with me, but she was from another country. This meant we had to get married to be together. My roommate thought it was great I finally met and fell in love with someone, and encouraged it,...but,....wait,....realized one day, she would have to go. She turned against me with a vengeance toward the end, and I had to pay dearly, as the judge that divorced us told me what we did was attempted insurance fraud,...but it all worked out in the end. The woman I totally fell in love with had 2 children (soon to be adults), so we considered their feelings heavily before making any sudden moves. I spent time on-line with them, and her every day (As I traveled constantly), and we all got along great. 3 months later (Quick, I know), I just told her to pack up and move to the states. We got married, as it was the only way we could be together, and started a wonderful life together. Her son was 15, and daughter was 16, about to be 17. I like to cuddle and am very affectionate (not kidding here), and we all got along fantastic. Their actual father neglected them, literally, a gambling bosser looser, who was just terrible to them. They, especially my wife, and her daughter, were not used to such kindness, respect, and physical attention. In our eyes, we were the happiest family on the planet. My wife even said to me and others, that the love scenes she saw on TV, where people found their 'Perfect True Love', the ones that make tears come to your eyes,...she thought were just TV love scenes, but now she knows they are real. That type of love is actually possible. Her daughter and son, grew to love me very quickly as well, and it was obvious, very fast, that her daughter could not get enough of my affection, clinging to me like a magnet all the time. I loved it,...I was in cuddle-heaven non-stop by all of them, but it was obvious that her constant clinging to me was much more than just 'Make-Up' from years of daughterly neglect. She actually started falling in love with me, and it was very clear it wasn't, and hadn't been a Father-daughter, type of affection at all. She had never been 'Loved' by anyone, nor ever had a boyfriend, or guy at school 'like' her in that way. She also had an unstable personality, and had actually tried to commit suicide, cutting her wrists once. To top it off, she had a personal, vaginally external, sexual appetite that was hard for her to satisfy on her own. Yes she was still a virgin, but she could not stand the fact that she was. The one rule she said she would not brake was that she would NOT loose her virginity to herself, or an object, that just wouldn't be right. This made a recipe for disaster in our new family very quickly, and I knew it. I sat her down, and talked to her,...repeatedly,...telling her stories of my past, and the story of my 'still considered' ex-wife's stepdaughter. Explaining to her that her road toward me is not one that I would be willing to take, Especially in secret, and that EVERYTHING we talked about was going to be discussed with her mother. We would all sit down together and talk about things, but It didn't matter. She loved me greatly, and her mother (my wife now) knew it. Her and her mother did not get along at all, arguing and bickering, even before they had met me, and her mother and I decided that she would be a problem if she started going out to meet other guys, because it was obvious with her personality disturbance and self destructive nature, she would not be able to control herself, and if it went bad for her, she would be no further ahead, but instead could possibly try to commit suicide again. It was also obvious that for her, the daughter, I had now suddenly become that light at the end of that long tunnel of self disturbance within her. The 3 of us decided that if her exterior 'sexual satisfaction' was something she needed regularly, then there were toys for that that we could get her, so she didn't need to go out and find someone. When she turned 18, We went to some adult stores together, and got her a couple very nice, expensive toys, but nothing she could loose her virginity to, that would just be wrong. My first (ex) wife had tons of toys and was severely DE-sensitized by them, so I took the time to show my wife how to use them in a manner that didn't cause her to DE-sensitize herself so easily, as she had never seen such things either, and told her to go and show her daughter, I wasn't about to do something like that. Things quieted down after that, and we were close again as a family, being able to cuddle, love, and enjoy each other in a normal way, witch was nice after that,...for a while anyways, but it didn't last. I got heavily buzzed one night, drinking beer, and we were telling stories about our past, several hours into the night, and her daughter asked me if I had ever been with a 'Virgin' before, and how much it hurt, etc. Her mother told all of us the story of her virginity loss. She had never told anyone about it before...

(continued next post)...
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:18 AM
Dstone Dstone is offline
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(continued)...
It was a terrible experience for her. She got married to her first husband (their father), a virgin, and on their wedding night, as she went into the hotel room where he had been waiting already, she no more than got in the door, and he attacked her, forcing himself on her, raping her harshly and violently, right at face of the now closed door. Crying and hurting badly now down there, he told her to 'Get Over It'!!. Turns out, for the first 4 years of their marriage, he basically raped her without warning whenever he saw fit. She was young, and didn't actually know any better, because in the country they lived in, rape is NOT a crime if you are married. The conversation turned back to me again, this time from my wife, asking me if I had ever been with a virgin, and how I handled it. I told her a long story about the only time I had that chance with a girl, when I was a teenager, and that I started to have sex with her, but was so afraid of hurting her, I stopped just short of that special moment. It was only a couple minutes after that, when she said it was OK for me to go ahead, the girls mother walked in on us, and,...well,..I never had that change again. The sad part of that story, is that the girl's older teenage stepbrother raped her, and took her virginity, 2 days later. It was a regret I never lived down, knowing that at least if we had had sex, she wouldn't have had her step-brother take her virginity,...--,...At the finish of my childhood story, What I saw at that moment,....was a mistake,...You could see the light bulb in her head go off,...My wife's daughter's face lit up, and it was obvious. It was also obvious, that my mouth had run a little too much about my past. This was NOT something I should have told in front of her. From that moment on, she was determined, and thought if anyone deserved a second chance at 'That Moment', it was me, and she could provide it. Our harmonious family relationship now had a flaw that could not be settled. One that was out in the open, with overwhelming unspoken temptation that would not go away unless something gave in. It was ignored for a while, and I held my ground, and loved my wife's daughter as best I could, hugs and cuddles, and nothing more, but it would not go away,...and my wife knew it. Now, in my wife's daughter's eyes, not only was I the light at the end of her suicidal tunnel (she felt I gave her purpose), but now the answer for a long road of self sexual satisfaction, combined with a real sense of 'I can give you something very special'. I used to talk to her for hours about why it would not be appropriate for this to happen. What ended up happening is that she now started telling me many things from her childhood about why she was the way she was. She confided in me, and held nothing back. I was her 'Keeper', and now her boyfriend, and not her stepfather at all. She wanted no other companions, and she liked the idea of me being already 'Taken' by someone else, so she could have her space and freedom, not being totally bound. I did not know how to handle this now, semi-stressful, awkward situation, and my wife, didn't either. She and I would talk about it as well, and my wife felt trapped into this situation with no say or solution, but she did not want to give up either of us. She knew though, given enough time, either her daughter was going to have to find someone else, and get these things out of her head, and out of our house, or the inevitable would likely happen. She knew that for now, I was resistant, but weakened by the temptation, and I told her that I, as a man, and living in such proximity full time, would have much trouble handling an open invitation to her. It was just an awkward situation that could not be taken back, or undone at the time, so we all decided to keep our activity, no matter how subtle, in the open with each other in the meantime. No sneaking off, or 'Closed Door' activity much. Keep each other informed about our cuddle sessions and conversations. This worked a while longer, but my birthday was coming up. My wife's daughter wanted to give me her virginity for my birthday, and meant it. They even argued about it openly, It became well known among the 3 of us, and my wife and I discussed it many times. The decision was to just get it out,...if thats what she truly wants,...to give me that gift, of herself, and to take the consequences with her, carrying them the rest of her life, all regrets or not,...then OK. But my wife did not think it appropriate that it happen in secret, because that leads to more secret things, and I agreed.

It was decided, after many hours of discussion together, that the 3 of us would lock ourselves in the bedroom together one night, and my wife would guide her in the ways of having sex, in all its glory, and technique, using me as the model. It was to be a 'Technical' thing to her, and not a love-making session. At the end of it, her daughter could give her virginity to me, but I had to promise my wife that I would not hurt or rape her as her ex-husband did to her. That I would make it, instead, the most wonderful experience for her that I could give her. This way, she could at least never experience what her mother had to endure, and not have to suffer the consequences of some boyfriend that could get her pregnant, then leave her, or something stupid. I guess it didn't help to avoid ending up in this situation, the fact that I am, and have been 'Fixed' for many years, and cannot have children.,...
(Continued next post...)
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:20 AM
Dstone Dstone is offline
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Default (Contunued)...

(continued)...
My birthday came and went, and the details of what happened are our secret, but I will say this, as it is an appropriate part of the story,...I did in fact 'Send her to the moon and beyond the stars',...her not knowing such sexual pleasure and bliss could exist,...repeatedly that night, and made wonderful, beautiful love to my wife after, her daughter passed out asleep at the other end of the room. Its strange, the actual slow, intimate 'Love Making' session with my wife was actually extra special that night as well, and has been ever since.

The 3 of us, felt so much better in the following weeks, like a burden had been lifted in our new relationship. Our hiccup had been solved, and we loved one another more than ever, but it wasn't long before my wife and I could tell that the relationship between me, and her daughter had developed into a true loving one. It progressed slowly over the next several months, my wife seeing, on occasion that her daughter could use some 'Alone' time with me, giving her permission to take me into her room for the evening on occasion. Its funny,... Suddenly, and overnight, that single event of sexual deviancy, brought the two of them very close to one another. Talking and giggling, and telling stories, cuddling up on either side of me, teasing me often. My wife admitted to me that she still felt 'Trapped' a bit with no real control of the situation, but that she felt she finally had a daughter. She finally started becoming 'Best Friends' with her, and they finally stopped arguing and fighting. There was nothing but love and happiness. Her daughter, as well, felt like this huge burden of not having any purpose lifted from her, and that her mother finally accepted her for who she truly is, and that they could literally tell and discuss anything with each other, nothing held back. Myself, I tried NOT to take advantage of either one of them, keeping everything in the open, going out of my way to show both of them that I loved them, and that my love was real and unbending. It, for me was not a sexual thing, but a very loving intimate thing, where her daughters 'Borrowing Me' on occasion events lensed itself to true love and companionship in short order. Now, 6 years+ later, her 24, I am hopelessly, and totally in love with BOTH of them, and cannot do without either one of them. I, and my wife's daughter were faced with this recently, as she has been getting very, very lonely here lately, because she is at home by herself, and has been for about 2 years year now. My wife and I have changed careers, and are professional team drivers, and stay out about 2 months at a time, the daughter at home, away from us. She recently met another guy, and I told her that I would never hold her back from who she is. It would be unfair to her. She had been interested in him for a few weeks, and went out with him for an entire day/evening. She did want me to tell him up front that we were intimate, and had been for years, so he didn't get any unexpected surprises. He tried not to be judgmental, and they both had a great time, but at the end of the evening, she realized that she truly, and faithfully, belongs to me, and wishes nothing else. Myself, I did quietly let her go out with someone else, but it tore me up deeply inside the whole time she was with him. I know she is vulnerable to companionship, especially being alone all the time now, and it wouldn't take much for her to 'find' someone else, as she is an absolutely beautiful woman, just like her mother. I would silently let her go if she chooses, but I don't think I could ever get over her if she did. To me, It would be no less than loosing my wife, who I absolutely love too. My wife has never been in an open relationship, nor knew they even really existed before meeting me, and still gets feelings of slight jealousy/disappointment on occasion, not so much for the fact I love, and make love to them both, but I think, simply for the fact that she feels like I am holding her daughter back from a different, more fulfilling life. I in fact hold no one back, but she has trouble I think, comprehending that her daughter actually needs no one else, but rather just simply wants BOTH of us in her life on a more full time basis. She has expressed to me many times that she neither, could live with just me, or her, but needs the BOTH of us. Being home alone is getting old, and she wants us BOTH to come home on a more permanent basis, so that we can all be ONE again with each other. Laughing, and cuddling, and loving one another without restrictions full time.

I am working very, very hard toward this very goal so that all of us can be together again full time, by 2015. My wife's son accepts our tangled relationship, and is proud of who he is, and of all of us. He looks up to me, and yes, I stick my boot out toward him keeping a good job, but now he is becoming his own man very quickly. I tell him I love him too, but in a manly kinda way, and on occasion, he does the same toward me. The 4 of us as a group get along incredibly well, and we are proud of who we are and what we have together. Since we met the first time, up until now, my wife and I have never really argued about anything (except how to back up the truck one time, lol), especially matters of relationship, money, sex, or anything else. This I think in itself is rare, and to add a complex polyamous relationship to the mix only makes us stronger and more loving as a group. I am a firm believer now, that love, deep, unconditional love, spreads and promotes more love.
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Old 10-24-2013, 01:24 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I will leave the longer responses to others, but I extend the warmest welcome to you, Dstone. What a detailed story. I am detail oriented and visual, so I can appreciate it from that aspect.

I hope you find the forum useful, make some acquaintances and friends, and enjoy! Feel free to post questions, search through the newer or older threads, and start a blog on here. Once again, welcome!

Ry
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Mr. Grey - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3) children.
Closed.

My Blog
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Old 10-25-2013, 07:18 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi Dstone,
Welcome to our forum.

Well, it doesn't get much more unconventional than what you described, but it sounds to me like it works pretty darn well for you and your family. I believe I can handle it ...

I'm glad you could join us, and appreciate the time you took to tell us your story thoroughly and from the heart. I think Ry and I are both a little speechless after your generous narrative -- four posts! -- but it spoke to me in a way that made it an enjoyable read.

I hope you'll continue to enjoy your poly life, and that you'll gain many benefits from reading and participating on this site. Heh, I'll bet you'd make a wicked blog. Check that board out at http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5

Good to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:11 PM
Dstone Dstone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Hi Dstone,
Welcome to our forum.

Well, it doesn't get much more unconventional than what you described, but it sounds to me like it works pretty darn well for you and your family. I believe I can handle it ...

I'm glad you could join us, and appreciate the time you took to tell us your story thoroughly and from the heart. I think Ry and I are both a little speechless after your generous narrative -- four posts! -- but it spoke to me in a way that made it an enjoyable read.

I hope you'll continue to enjoy your poly life, and that you'll gain many benefits from reading and participating on this site. Heh, I'll bet you'd make a wicked blog. Check that board out at http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5

Good to have you aboard.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I took your advice and started a blog,...Something I have never done before, so I hope it will not be too boring. Here is the link...

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=61388
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Old 10-27-2013, 02:37 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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I checked out your blog; it was nice to get a little more of a picture of your daily life. May things get ever better as the three of you go through life together!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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