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Old 03-17-2010, 02:39 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Default Idealist Introduction....glad to be here !!!

I am loving this lifestyle and glad to find this forum! I have read a few posts and have been very impressed with what I have read. I do intend on reading more in order to get acquainted with the members, but wanted to introduce myself right away.

I am 52 and have never been married. Until the age of 30, I avoided monogamous relationships and filled my life with "friends with benefits" relationships with men and women. It was fun lifestyle and I liked the freedom. At one time, I rented a house and had 2 female friends and a male friend move into the home. We lived together for several years. The women had children, so it was a large family and I look back at that time of my life remembering the joy and pleasure I had. But, we were young and emotionally immature, so I tired of it. Desiring a stable lifestyle, I entered into 12 step recovery and chose to create a home life with another woman. We were together for 12 years. That has turned out to be the longest committed, exclusive relationship I have ever been in and it was emotionally healthy since we were both in recovery and were able to practice great honesty. My years of therapy and honesty with self resulted in my eventually leaving the relationship in order to pursue a heterosexual lifestyle.

I have had 7 monogamous relationships with men in the 10 years since then. One of them has passed away. I have no communication with one of them. I have a platonic friendship with one of them. And the other 4 of them are now my lovers. Two of them are not seeing anyone else at this time, but they have the freedom to do so and they will share with me and probably want to introduce me to a person they have met and are considering becoming involved with. One of them has another lover and she is someone I have not met since they are still seeing how their relationship will develop. If it does develop, Iím sure I will eventually meet her. The other one has a primary lover and I am his secondary lover. I am pretty close to his primary lover and we have a good relationship too. I also have a female lover and she is someone I also respect and trust. We have an emotional connection. We have not been alone together sexually yet, but have had an intimate evening which became sexual and we were with a guy friend that I introduced her to.

The process has evolved for me and since May 09, I have experienced an incredible amount of what I experience as unconditional love. I am in awe of how it feels since this type of unconditional love has eluded me as long as I pursued monogamous relationships. My lovers are basking in it. It is a tangible and powerful force which flows through me to them and it's about loving them, each of them in a unique way, and accepting them completely for exactly who they are without any desire to change them, judge them or hold out expectations of them which they cannot meet. I have a great amount of respect for each of them and I trust each of them completely. The open channel of love from me to them has allowed them to respond to me with incredible love and it's a love that I have also never experienced before.

I don't know where things are going for me. But, this I do know- all of my lovers know each other and they all like each other. My relationships are based on respect, trust and honesty. Many of my friends who are not living a life of polyamory are quite taken with the idea of it and have been very supportive of me. The thing that is so compelling about it is the honesty.
Thanks for reading my introduction and I will be glad to hear any feedback and sharing from any of you!!
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:21 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Welcome and WOW! Sounds like you have really found yourself. Thanks for sharing

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
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Old 03-17-2010, 03:53 AM
booklady78 booklady78 is offline
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Welcome! You've been having quite the amazing journey, I look forward to reading more of your experiences and thoughts on the forums
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Old 03-19-2010, 04:10 AM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Default Realizations

Within the last week, since I joined this group and have been thinking more about myself and my relationship history, I have realized something. I'm not completely clear about it, but am wanting to write about it so maybe I can get clearer.
During the years of therapy I realized that I have a "fear of being trapped" when I'm in a relationship. This "trapped" feeling has come up in every monogamous relationship I've been in. I have always chosen partners who are not possessive or jealous because I have known that I could not live with that. But no matter how much freedom I had, there would be an underlying feeling of being trapped.
Since I have lived a polyamorous lifestyle for 9 months now- I am noticing a difference in myself and my inner world.
I am experiencing a type of unconditional love which I was not able to feel when in monogamous relationships......
Now it seems that on some level I have been trying to figure out how to open myself up and correct this thing within me which seems to "shut down" or "stop the flow" of unconditional love.
Three of the men that I have been in monogamous relationships with in the past are now my current lovers. So- I am still trying to love them completely in a way that I wasn't able to before.
And it is working for me right now. They all seem to be enjoying it too.
That's it for now !!!
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Old 03-19-2010, 06:56 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Default Great to hear !

Your story is very inspirational. I enjoyed hearing you recount it all, and the place it has led you too.

Enjoy the forum, and Welcome !
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Old 06-29-2016, 05:43 PM
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idealist idealist is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
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Default 6 years as a Polyamorous Woman- it's working for me!!!

I have hit the 6 year mark of living a polyamorous lifestyle. The meaning of this has changed a lot during the last 6 years and again I find myself re-defining this term and how it is being expressed in my life.

I just turned 59 years old and of course my focus is changing. I am not as focused on the physical/sexual aspects of my relationships and am more focused on the emotional intimacy.

I like the freedom that I feel deep within as a polyamorous woman. The fact that all of my partners also like having that freedom makes it really work for all of us.

Looking back and thinking back to all of my experiences, there have been some difficult times, but these conflicts werenít because of the polyamory but mainly because of dysfunctional behavior and/or unresolved emotional issues.

If everyone can be as sensitive, open, honest and caring as they can- then the relationships will thrive. But just like in monogamous relationships, if anyone is having personal issues, those usually affect the relationship.

So- working on emotional maturity is always a good idea whether you are mono or poly. And once a relatively firm foundation has been established, then things work out- in my experience.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
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Old 06-30-2016, 12:52 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Always great to hear from you, Idealist! It's been a long time, and I'm glad you're still happily chugging along in your poly life. Thanks for the update.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Old 07-01-2016, 09:52 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi idealist,

Good to hear from you and, it sounds like things are going well for you.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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honesty, introduction, respect, trust, unconditional love

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