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  #31  
Old 10-21-2013, 03:07 AM
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alibabe_muse alibabe_muse is offline
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Wink been a while

so last i blogged was i had a date for last saturday, i think. well that ended up cancelled. DH had a tooth infection that started the Thursday before the weekend. When I woke Friday morning I "sensed" (I do have some good intuition or esp or something) this guy Matt had sort of or was going to "disappear" on me. He said he was still interested, extremely overworked, ill etc. Friday at midnight took DH to ER due to swelling of face. That was our best experience ever in an emergency room. The staff was friendly and cracking jokes left and right.

Saturday Matt still kept leading me on, that's how I feel about it, that he was still interested etc. Tuesday night we actually met. He is a veteran, very young too, and is on 3 types of pain pills and has moments of intensity and moments of depression. I liked him but I can't deal with the emotional rollercoaster. We parted as friends.

During this time DH had some luck on okc. One had planned a date and then cancelled. The day she cancelled another lady actually was very interested in him. They had their first date Friday night. He had lots of fun. I only had an issue with him not giving me a heads up on how late he was going to be. If she lived in town, there would have been none but being 45 minutes away I started to worry he was ok as it got closer to 2 am. I knew they might drink and he hadn't text to say when he'd be home.

Friday night has led us to have a few boundaries in place for now. These "rules" are malable, evolving and changeable as each of our relationships evolve to deeper emotional relationships. Love is ever changing. We both admit if we did not have kids...less boundaries at this time.

All of this is good for us. Once he got home and showered we had awesome sexy times of our own. During the night the kids kept me busy, I didn't experience any yucky feelings and once the house settled into slumber my hand satisfied me.

Their next date is Wed. It was scheduled for Tuesday but I'm having a biopsy of my thyroid tumor (it was discovered during last pregnancy and now has grown to a size that dictates this procedure). Lucky me. If it's cancerous, I was told by the endocrinologist who found it "it's the best cancer to get". I've been living with this knowledge for 2 years 8 months now. I'm scared and relieved at the same time. Finally it will get resolved. It will either be benign and gone after the biopsy or is cancerous and treated. I will finally be free of a nagging fear that I have not been able to do anything to fix it myself.

During the time Matt was playing me, online I met a few others. One who is interested in dating is PV (yes his first name is same as PRs--I thought that was weird). He's on the road right now and expects to be home in a couple of hours. I want to go and not get much sleep tonight but I also want my sleep. The trials of liking someone.

I do miss the forum and wish I could be on more. I am in a happy place, feeling lots of love for my husband, very excited he's met someone and that our journey in poly has began slow.

Last edited by alibabe_muse; 10-21-2013 at 03:10 AM.
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  #32  
Old 10-22-2013, 11:23 AM
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I am glad you updated, and I do hope everything turns out okay with your biopsy.

I am glad your poly life is off to a great start.

Ry
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  #33  
Old 10-25-2013, 04:40 AM
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Biopsy results showed abnormalities and the lab won't say cancer but basically it's cancer stage 1. The goal now is to cut part of it out, test it, and take the rest of the thyroid out.

Due to my age it's likely the surgery will resolve it as the probability of it spreading is low. Now I wait for the surgeon's office to call to schedule a pre-surgery consultation and the surgery.

It's strange because I am told, again, that to get cancer thyroid is the one that is survivable. I am not afraid, really can't be and can't stress as what good will that do?
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  #34  
Old 10-25-2013, 01:31 PM
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Yikes! Still scary. When will you have the surgery?
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  #35  
Old 10-26-2013, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebird View Post
Yikes! Still scary. When will you have the surgery?
Consult is Wed and then it'll get scheduled. Probably that following week.
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  #36  
Old 10-26-2013, 06:17 PM
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Well after my news on Thursday, DH cancelled his plans with SF for tonight's costume party. After 19 years of being with someone, I am still amazed to discover new things about my love. He and I are definitely different in some aspects to dealing with stress and pain. For him, if the roles were reversed and he just found out his thyroid tumor could be/could not be cancerous (because that is the reality of the biopsy~the lab can't just say either way so the safe thing to do is remove it {and I found out more about this but that's for later}) he would be very upset with me that I did not cancel my plans with new romantic partners. Yes I made that plural because he likes SF but in reality, he's actually digging on M. But for me, as it isn't that bad, I was fine he had plans and a little upset he cancelled. To be fair, he also found out his father may not be around much longer and that is also freaking him out. Still, he and I deal with this type of news so differently.

M and DH had been talking on okc, had plans for lunch and then he sort of chickened out and his whole tooth infection came too. So M and SF are best friends and M suggested SF check out DH's profile on okc. DH and SF hit it off, met with M offering her home to them for their first meeting. But when DH met M and the conversations they've had after, he's actually feeling more of a connection to her. Now he's in a quandry, has told M he is feeling something for her but if it's not reciprocated he doesn't want to say anything to SF nor does he want to come between their friendship. Knowing DH like I do, it smells to me like he'd rather not deal with these feelings and focus 100% on me. The timing of my results sort of played into his hands.

So for about the next 3 weeks, until my surgery, and maybe a few more after due to recovery, I sense DH will be 100% about me, letting these friendships go by the wayside. I hope he doesn't as I don't plan to stop my communication with a few gentlemen friends I have (haven't met them yet and I will be putting off meeting any one until I feel I'm ready, maybe).

So the thing about my thyroid. I have a cousin, same age as me, have this happen to her 10 years ago. The tumor was benign and she now has a scar on her neck to show for it. The point is...same lab results, same type of discovery of the tumor to go under the knife and have it be benign. I am hoping for the same results but even if they are not, cutting it out will most likely end it and put it into remission.

Ah, so this world of mine. I have come to like through messages a few guys, have had a few be a little off and a few, just want sex. I think that the time for me to date will be after the surgery. This might be best to for dh to develop his other relationships, get into a rhythm and feel good with his choices. Now I need to see if tomorrow's date with NS is on or not. He and I have been trying to meet each other since July. We both get busy, stop texting and then revisit each other on okc, striking up the conversation over again.
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  #37  
Old 11-02-2013, 09:43 PM
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well my poly activity appears to have come to a standstill. again another cancelled meeting. not sure what's up cuz i try to make sure the person is very aware of what i am looking for. i have met some long distance who would like a relationship with me but honestly, i have not the energy for that and there are no boyfriend's past as when they ended there was a reason for it.

but again, a possible guy i was talking with through the summer is still interested. so i will see where this goes. he's young, cute and willing to come pick me up or meet me. that's a good sign, so far.

onto the thyroid tumor:
My surgery is Dec 5th. There are some risks involved. I had two options for my surgery. One was for the surgeon to completely remove my thyroid, not just the nodule that is suspicious for cancer. The upside: if it is cancer it will all be taken out and removed. The downside: I will have to take medicine the rest of my life and due to the nerves of my vocal chords being right there, risk losing my voice for the rest of my life.

The second is: while under they cut out a part of the tumorous nodule, send it to the lab for testing, wait for the pre-lims: If it is cancerous on initial testing, we are at option one no matter what. If it appears non-cancerous, they'll continue to remove this nodule, treat inside with radioactive iodine, seal me up. Then about 5 days later the lab will have their final answer: cancer or not. If it is cancer, I go back in to have the thyroid completely removed.

Wish it was more straight forward, that would make the end result more of a known. Alas it isn't. They called and left a message yesterday that I need to start an iodine free (or low iodine) diet. So grocery shopping last night was interesting. I found a cookbook from the thyroid cancer survivors assoc and will be reading through that today. I am so not looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner now....I probably will have to make my own separate meal. Oh well...I'll figure out from the cookbook what I can and cannot eat and hopefully I can get my mil to not use too many iodine based ingredients or spices.
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  #38  
Old 11-03-2013, 03:26 PM
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I am sorry you have this health issue! Good luck with the surgery decision-making.

I am glad you have a guy or two waiting in the wings for when you are healthy enough to go forward in the romance department.

And I am glad your h is so supportive of you, as he also begins his poly journey.
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  #39  
Old 11-03-2013, 04:44 PM
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Thanks Magdlyn - I'm going with option 2 for now. I also realize I still have questions for the surgeon, basically, how many of these surgeries has he done. I typically don't ask the right kinds of questions, basically, the doctor's resume. He was recommended to me by a friend who happens to work at his office. I'm sure he is highly skilled and his warning about nerve damage is more of a cover his ass situation than that he isn't too experienced. The low iodine diet, I found a thyroid cancer survivor's forum and have been told being put on that so soon before surgery is cruel, etc. I guess the nurse may have not been specific enough in her message (just because an employee is clueless doesn't mean the doc actually is and come to think of it, I do feel she is clueless because at the appointment she couldn't find the ultrasounds from my endocrinologist so was trying to find a u/s for the appt...but the surgeon had already read them before the appointment...so yeah maybe she's a dim wit).

DH's poly relationships are interesting. SF he likes but has really found a connection with MG. The problem is they are bestie's but he can't let himself just be in a relationship with a person he only feels like being friends with and pass up a relationship with MG, whom he feels strongly for. MG also feels a connection with him. She's coming over to our house Tuesday for her and DH to make some food together. I am so happy for him that in these months of feeling envy because I've had a lot of messages on okc, he actually is starting a true relationship. I'm happy for him because he's happy. This is a pretty cool place to be.

I, myself, may be a little envious, but it's total okay for him to move forward. I'd rather it be months before I have another who is truly interested in me than a nsa/fwb situation. I'm not a swinger anymore and just don't get excited by those type of proposals. Yes I love sex, but I came to poly because I felt love for another and even though that relationship is over, now that I know who I am, there is no going back in time.
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  #40  
Old 11-04-2013, 12:17 AM
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I wish you a successful surgery and recovery.

I hope your husband's relationship(s) continue to flourish.

Ry
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