Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

 
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
  #1  
Old 10-25-2013, 06:44 AM
CatharticIntent CatharticIntent is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 2
Default Nervous polywog needs advice, please

Hello! I could really, really use some advice regarding my current situation, which happens to be my first steps in polyamory. Here's a bit of background first, I suppose.

I've been dating L for almost five years. I'm so, so happy with him, but some days I can't help but feel that I'm not quite getting everything I need out of our relationship. I thought, for a long time, that something was wrong with me, because I can't imagine living without him; we've discussed marriage and kids, moving in together after grad school, the whole shebang. Why wasn't that enough for me? I felt confused, and selfish, and abnormal. So after several months of confusing feelings, I came across polyamory. I was overjoyed -- I wasn't alone! I wasn't betraying my boyfriend by wanting to seek love from other people, in addition to him!

So, after a few weeks of research, I brought it up with L. The discussion went both better and worse than I had expected. Better, because I had been worried that he would reject the idea entirely, and he simply said "okay" and had me explain polyamory to him; worse, because he is extremely low self-esteem and was afraid that this meant he was losing me. After a lot of discussion (and a lot of me reassuring him that if he wasn't game for a poly setup, I love him enough to stay monogamous), he gave me his blessing to pursue other partners. We do have a few rules; for example, L has the right to veto a potential partner if he's really not comfortable around them. I know that any partner of mine is also going to be a part of L's life, and everyone at least being friends is a must for me.

Okay, so the thing that I need advice on. The long and the short of it is this: I know that the idea of "sharing" me with another person scares L, but there is someone that I'd like to pursue, T. Even though L has reassured me, and even playfully teased me by asking if I was bringing anyone home for the holidays, I know that he's scared of a change in our dynamic. Do I protect my boyfriend a little longer, while he still comes to terms with the new aspect of our relationship? Or do I go ahead and pursue T, who might not even be interested?

Gosh, I feel kind of silly...Hopefully someone can give me some insight into this matter?
Reply With Quote
 

Tags
advice needed, polywog

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:43 PM.