The Dispersed Polyamorous Group

[jackrabbit]

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin

And there it is in a nutshell!

As I said back in post 4 of this thread - find what works for you and see if others share those goals. If they don't then maybe it's time to re-examine your "ideal" situation and see if things can be modified based on the feedback you are getting.

Now you see what I mean, hopefully.

When you wrote
I really think it's important to note that this is ONE way of doing it, an example, if you like, rather than some universal ideal that we should all be striving for. Some of what you have written in your blog has a bit of that tone to it when I read it and if I can interpret it this way, I'm sure others will.

Certainly it is just one way of doing it. When I said "I really intended it for everyone", I simply meant that the idea be available to everyone. This was in direct response to your assumption that I had developed the concept just for myself and any possible partners that I find for myself, and that no one else would ever see it.

From the introduction:

The DPG doesn't make any declarations about polyamory itself, it just provides a framework for people to form and maintain polyamorous relationships with new people. It suggests procedures to follow for safety and preventing possible problems before they occur.

A framework, not the framework. Any instructions or "you ought to" statements are assumed to be directed at those who are interested in following that framework. The blog makes absolutely no comments about how polyamory itself should be implemented. Nowhere does it suggest that everyone should do anything. (Except perhaps some of the comments about safety.)

[MonoVCPHG]

I see poly as having two manifestations that cover all of the different multi-partner relationships.

A) Poly that happens
B) Poly that is found

Poly that happens is where a relationship forms naturally between partners without the intent or awareness of "poly" itself. The multi partner connection precedes the ideology of poly.

Poly that is found is sought out. The ideology of poly precedes the multi partner connections.

One occurs unconsciously without effort, the other is a conscious effort.

But I'm not poly so what do I know

[jackrabbit]

Originally Posted by saudade

While I'm already chiming in, I'll echo points made by Lemondrop and CielDuMatin... If your DPG is what you want to do with the people who enter your life, great! I wish you the best of luck in implementing a system that works for you! If you're hoping that DPG will become some sort of large, over-arching system to encompass many many poly individuals, then you're still welcome to attempt it, but my two cents are that it doesn't feel workable for myself or my partners, and so we're not interested. Thanks anyway!

It's not really intended for existing poly people, but for those who want to start from scratch, converting from existing mono relationships. Also the actual topology is totally dynamic. The makeup of the DPGs are depends entirely on who connects with who. Each can be small or huge. Two separate DPGs can combine if a relationship is formed between persons from both.

I'd also like to add that something in your language, jackrabbit, has been picking at me, and I just figured out what it is. Your use of the word "fall" when describing how many poly people enter relationships... it just feels accidental. 'Whoops, I wound up here! Better dust off and keep going...' While many people do discover the idea of polyamory by winding up interested in two people, or winding up interested in someone who identifies as poly, it still takes a LOT of work to be in a poly relationship,

The "fall" part just means that it was not something you intended from the beginning, before even meeting the people you wound up in relationships with. It is accidental in the sense that you never intended to want multiple relationships at the same time. I assume not, anyway. If you did, the fall part doesn't apply to you. I was talking about falling into poly, not falling into the relationships.

[jackrabbit]

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG

I see poly as having two manifestations that cover all of the different multi-partner relationships.

A) Poly that happens
B) Poly that is found

Poly that happens is where a relationship forms naturally between partners without the intent or awareness of "poly" itself. The multi partner connection precedes the ideology of poly.

Poly that is found is sought out. The ideology of poly precedes the multi partner connections.

One occurs unconsciously without effort, the other is a conscious effort.

But I'm not poly so what do I know

Yeah, that pretty much agrees with what I'm saying. I am type B, most everyone else here seems to be type A.

The most likely reason for the rarity of the B types is because society considers it "wrong", so it never occurs to most people. It occurs to the type A people because they have a need for it. If the stigma ever went away, there could be a lot more B types. People could go into the dating scene with the intent to be poly. Which is exactly what the DPG is. Forming multiple relationships simply because you want to be polyamorous.

[MonoVCPHG]

Originally Posted by jackrabbit

Which is exactly what the DPG is. Forming multiple relationships simply because you want to be polyamorous.

Cool

[jackrabbit]

By the way, I will be adding more content to the blog based on the discussions here. For instance, pointing out that it works better for people entering polyamory for the first time rather those already practicing it. And also emphasize that it is just a way rather than the way, and that all recommendations are for those who want to follow that particular way. Maybe then these issues won't come up when new people read it.

[saudade]

@jackrabbit, cool! More power to you.