Freakishly scared of poly but the love of my life says he needs it
So we had been dating for about two years when I ended the relationship. One, to get over a lot of emotional abuse that had gone on. Two, to establish who we are as individuals before settling down. I loved him, and still do with every fiber of my being...with an asterisk. We started going out after we'd gotten out of long term relationships and just wanted s bit of a fling. I knew he was poly, we actually met talking about some of his relationship woes. My attitude was the same then as it is now-power to you if that's your thing, and if your lover(s) are cool with it and everybody is happy. He spent a while breaking down the immense barriers I had put up on loving him because I knew that was a part of him and I also knew that just isn't me. But against all intelligent advice, we fell hopelessly madly in love. Then the discussions started. He asked about compromise, offered me books on the matter...and cue the emotional abuse. Asking about my flaws and insecurities and saying hell try to help me get over them made me feel like a project. I don't like being bugged about why I feel what I feel. It's hard enough just feeling shitty without feeling broken. I won't pretend I'm innocent and didn't do the same to him right back. ''Why do you have to have more people? Aren't I enough? You don't actually love me, you're just using me!'' So eventually we tried compromise. He's bisexual, so I let him have sex with other men on occasion, since that doesn't bother me nearly as much as being with other women. It still felt weird, though a couple of threesomes we had were fun. In time it grew that I'd like some time on my own to just find myself and get over emotional damage that had been done. I'm still pretty tender and volatile when I think about him and other women, even now that we're apart. My mother tells me he and I are both young, he might grow out of it. The last compromise we came to was that even if he was poly, he could be happy with ''just me'' and if I ever felt open to the idea of poly, I'd mention it and we'd go from there. I don't see myself ever being receptive to the idea. I've read about how mono x poly can work, but it just doesn't seem like something I'm capable of doing. But this guy means more than the sun and stars to me, and I owe it to him, to me, to any possibility of our healthy future together, to ask for advice. Do you think we will work? I know its not me in any way...but what can I do? He's a dream, this issue aside. We did have other plain old vanilla couple issues, too, and I'm confident that in time we would've ironed them out nicely-most of the issues like that were noticeably better.