Hello and feeling bitchy
Hello everyone. Hope you're all happy and healthy. I am a scholar in the social sciences, so I am quite aware of the challenges to relationships whether they be monogamous or non-monogamous. I had an experience as an outsider to one half of an established couple that turned out to be a bloody nightmare. The couple boasted many years of practicing poly and claimed to have a good grasp of the basics. However, it turned out that they were an extremely unsafe couple sexually and emotionally. They talked the talk, but could not walk the walk. Both were very prone to jealousy, despite the fact that I was neither seeing nor having sex with anyone else at the time. Both were habitual finger-pointers instead of responsible caretakers when it came to problems within their relationship and their relationships with others. Both failed to communicate on important decisions that affected my life (e.g. new sexual partner with the person I was dating, rule and schedule changes). They demanded respect for their relationship, but failed to reciprocate respect for other relationships. Their relationship had codependency and folie à deux written all over it. The person I was dating and I had discussed early in our relationship that they would need to treat me as an equal human being instead of a pet, but they could not follow up on that in practice. My patience with them ended and I had to put my foot down with an ultimatum, to which the person I was dating responded with "just friends" and "casual". After that, everything ended. I have read elsewhere that such problems are common. I remain angry as hell about the experience, though it was an interesting learning opportunity. It's a shame that people can adopt the "poly" label to excuse themselves of poor behaviors. I am discouraged by the experience, but I don't want it to bias my future relationships.