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  #61  
Old 10-10-2013, 07:25 PM
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A guy at trivia that I like and respect called me a cheater last night. Ugh. My friends and I were seated next to the bar, and he came over and asked if we were all married, because one of us was making a joke about us being trophy wives. (All of us are stay at home moms who don't work.) When I said I was married, but open, he asked, "What do you mean?"

I said, "I have a husband and a boyfriend."

He said, " Oh, you're a cheater."

"No, my husband knows and is ok with it."

"A cheater."

Ugh. The conversation ended at that point because trivia started up again, but it soured some of the night for me, that's for sure.

Oh well, if I have time next week, I will talk to him, but it isn't as if we are close. If he is determined to be ignorant though, I'm not sure if I care to even try to accomplish anything. Still, it sucks to suddenly be called dishonest. I wasn't expecting that. A good reminder that being poly isn't mainstream in my neck of the woods!
That is definitely an UGH - I had a guy tell me on okc that it wouldn't be fair to him to date me because I couldn't marry him nor would I have kids with him. He kept asking controversial questions I just started to ignore him.
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Old 10-11-2013, 12:18 AM
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Another wonderful Wednesday with M.

I had to transport his wife to a car dealership in the morning, and we three had lunch together as well, so I was able to experience a lot more of their relationship dynamic than I ever had. It was eye opening, for sure! The event was certainly a stressful one for both of them - the new car buying, not the lunch lol - and they were very snippy at each other. I told M later that I could not handle a relationship like that between myself and someone else - so totally not my style. It's not that it was terrible or anything, just the way they talked to each other was different than the way I operate and deal with things. He told me that yeah, our relationship is very different.

But yes, good news - I won't have to drive so much anymore, because M will have a car! W00t! It is hard to imagine having a calm Thursday morning, where I don't have to race to get him home so I can be back in time to teach at co-op!

I am still hoping to go to a hotel tomorrow night. We have been talking about it, and right now I am waiting to hear back from M if he got a green light with H. Earlier he texted me that he was just waiting to figure out with her their son's work schedule. I need a rest day, so I hope it does work out. Though, in the morning I have to drive my son to work, take the car for an oil change, teach a 2 hour chem class, AND visit the planetarium with my daughter, before heading over to see M. I am demanding a room with a hot tub. I need it! (I am paying, so this means I will get it. )
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Last edited by Bluebird; 10-11-2013 at 12:21 AM.
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  #63  
Old 10-13-2013, 06:07 PM
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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Oy! M and I drove out to a hotel on Friday night and I did get my in-room hot tub! We actually got a huge suite and it was great to have that time together. We went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner, visited a nearby casino (I lost $20, he won $10) and then spent 3 hours just soaking in the hot tub and talking. Of course, amazing hours of sexy times followed and we slept well.

Saturday morning we played WarMachine together - actually, for most of the day. Overall, it was the most amazing time and we were so connected, it was great!

Unfortunately, I drank too much at dinner and had to be driven home like a child last night, with his wife following behind so he could get back to his house. It was really terrible. We talked today, and all is well, thank goodness. I definitely screwed up - I am a lightweight with alcohol and the first drink I had was actually over my limit, just by itself, in retrospect.

My husband will probably be sent out of country for almost all of November and I am feeling very stressed about it. I don't do well when he is gone for more than a couple of days, and a month is giving me anxiety just thinking about it. M and I have talked and he is going to try and support me with some outings during that time period.

Oh! M & H's son knows about their polyness now, and he knows M is dating me. He seems to have a healthy attitude about it, but in wake of my ridiculousness last night, I forgot to ask M about things this morning. H had messaged M while we were out at the hotel that their son asked, finally, and that they had a conversation.
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Last edited by Bluebird; 10-13-2013 at 10:40 PM.
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  #64  
Old 10-14-2013, 11:43 AM
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I woke up early today, feeling anxious and out of sorts. There is no real reason for this, though I am hoping to see M today. He and his wife are supposed to pick up the new car today, and he was going to come over and play WarMachine with my son. They haven't heard from the dealership all weekend though, and it doesn't open until 9:30, so if it isn't ready, he won't be coming over. This isn't an issue for me though - I will be home, but I can't hang out because I am teaching two back-to-back Chemistry classes, 10-12, 1-3. The teens have a quiz and then a lab as well. So I won't be able to get all snugly, as I would like. Still, here I am feeling all out of sorts. I will see him for sure on Wednesday, so I am not certain why I am feeling this way. I need a hug.
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Old 10-15-2013, 09:12 AM
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Well, M's car wasn't ready yesterday, and today isn't looking good either. D and I had a nice dinner date last night but I haven't had sex since Friday and I am starting to feel anxious. I still need a hug.

I have been awake since 3 am because I went to bed really early. So much for getting more sleep - the amount is the same; all I am doing is changing the time I am getting it. Ugh.

Overall I am feeling out of sorts. Though M has reassured me over messaging that all is well, I need a reconnection physically since we parted under such stressful terms Saturday night. My husband and I are fine too, but he is not interested in sexing me up lately and so it seems my needs are again at cross-purposes with what is available to me right now.

Am I just too needy? I think I am really up front with both my guys about the contact I need but I still feel like I am floundering and not fulfilled. It makes me feel selfish when I think about it. I am still feeling loads of NRE for M and excitement and love with D. Why isn't this enough?
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  #66  
Old 10-15-2013, 01:31 PM
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I am really contemplating opening up to my parents and siblings in NY about being poly. I need to think it through some more though. I know my mother will be appalled and be quick to heap religious judgment on me. My sister will talk tons of trash about me, just because she feeds on drama. My brother won't care. I think they will all chill out long enough to meet M though, if only to be able to talk about us later.

Sigh. I am going to NY in December to run a Christmas charity that I helped to found years ago, and I would like to bring M with me. I want him to meet my oldest daughter, who is excited about meeting him, and my best friend. I cannot and will not keep him stashed away at a hotel like a dirty secret if he travels with me, when I spend time with my extended relatives.

I need to talk to him some more, and to my husband.
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  #67  
Old 10-18-2013, 02:14 AM
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Had a hiccup with M last night while we were out wth a friend. He and the friend were discussing time at M's house and some other people that were there. All of the names I had heard previously, except one, and M was talking about how this person had joined their gaming group. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, because we had just had a series of discussions as to why I wasn't allowed over to his home. It was assured to me again and again that it had nothing to do with me personally, just that his wife was embarrassed about their home and no one new was allowed over at all. H actually sent me a message spelling out exactly the 4 people were that she had allowed over in the last four years and how it wasn't personal.

Then I hear about this person who out of the blue is spending time there now.

I had to excuse myself immediately to collect myself in the restroom. It felt like a HUGE slap in the face. I didn't cause any drama or anything, just left the table.

Later, M remarked he thought I seemed upset and I told him that I was, a little, but that we could discuss it later. He continued to press me and I told him how I felt and he said it wasn't a big deal, that this person had been in his house before. I pointed out he was never mentioned, ever in his explanations or his wife's message. He told me they both had forgotten.

Sigh. When we got back to my house to spend the night I told him I still felt hurt, because it was sprung on me suddenly and seemed like a lie. However, I was determined to not make a big deal about it - I am not going to force myself over to someone's house if they don't want me there, and ultimately it isn't worth breaking up over. It's stupid. It is hurtful to me because of the way it came out, but whatever. He reiterated that the person had been there before and maybe someday I could come over. Again, whatever. I got over it - seriously, I just had to gain control over the suddenness of it at the restaurant, and then we had a discussion about it.

We had a great night together in my bedroom and again this morning. We are going to play a WarMachine on Saturday with my son.

Honestly right now when I think about things, it does sting still. I am not going to dwell on it though, because there is just no point.
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  #68  
Old 10-19-2013, 11:50 PM
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Oh, another thing I wanted to mention is that on Wednesday night, my ex's mom - yes, his mother - kinda cornered me in the bathroom and asked me several questions: how were things going in my life, was I happy with my new guy, did I ever think I'd get back together with her son? Aiyiyi! Overall, I found it comical, but I couldn't really focus because of the feelings I was trying to get under control with the other situation. I told M about it.

Today was a good day - played WarMachine with M, and he played a game with my son. Cute nerdy guy - I will call him C - was there again and he flirted with me quite shamelessly. I flirted back. I do like him a lot, I think. Only, he's a smoker and leaving the country in February AND he is almost 10 years younger than me. Of course, M is 10 years older than me. M made a joke again about me hooking up with C, but I dismissed it. I asked my daughter today, how many boyfriends is too many and she told me, that is kinda up to the guys, isn't it? Meaning, I guess, they would reduce their own number if they were feeling neglected.

Eh. I like C from what I know of him, and I know I will see him again on Thursday, but I dunno about dating him. I am still glowing and head over heels for M. I am not sure if I would be ok with splitting more of my time. Also, maybe he is just a big flirt. M doesn't think so, though. He thinks if I said jump, C would in a second.

And C has a girlfriend of like 6 or 7 months. He says she is not willing to have sex with him, and that won't change, and that they have agreed that he can have relationships when he leaves the country. They aren't going to stay together. Not sure if she would feel the same way if he wanted to open now...

Also, at what point would poly stop being ok and just be promiscuity on my part? Other people don't worry about that, maybe, but I do. I can still count on one hand the number of guys I have slept with in my life. It bothers me. I need to think on that more. It doesn't seem to have a rational reason behind it, why it should be bothersome.

Oh, bother.

It does feel awful strange to be sitting, cradled in my husbands arms, squee-ing on the inside because I am thinking of how very much I love M, and then pausing those thoughts to smile about C.

Seriously, I think I need to take a chill pill!
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  #69  
Old 10-20-2013, 11:57 AM
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Also, at what point would poly stop being ok and just be promiscuity on my part? Other people don't worry about that, maybe, but I do. I can still count on one hand the number of guys I have slept with in my life. It bothers me. I need to think on that more. It doesn't seem to have a rational reason behind it, why it should be bothersome.
Well, I am not concerned about "promiscuity..." It's up to me how many people I have sex with.

But, for me, more than 2 partners at a time is a hard balancing act. I've had 3 and 4 at a time. It only works if I see partners 3 and 4 irregularly and kind of casually. There is only so much of me to go around, and only so many days in the week. I've been mostly content to have only had 2 partners since May of 2012. I met Ginger in Jan of 2012 and our relationship is fulfilling to the point I don't seem to need another guy. I did see someone else the first few months of knowing Ginger, but it was hard... only saw him every other week for a few hours, no sleepovers. That was all I could manage. I didn't feel it was fair to Guy 2 to be able to see me so seldom. He wanted more.

It's all very well to fall in love with 2, 3 or more. It's another thing entirely to healthfully manage more than 2 relationships. Sadly, some people who are doing that only *think* they are doing it well.
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  #70  
Old 10-20-2013, 02:38 PM
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Yeah, C lives about an hour and a half away, so any relationship we have would be long distance and more casual. I am not sure if I could handle that - I am already having difficulties with M being 40 minutes away. I know I would see C at least once a week, but that is just when I go play WarMachine with M. That isn't a relationship! We would have to work something out. I do have Tuesdays free now, and though M initially seemed excited about that, nothing has come of it with us.

Also, maybe C really is just a shameless flirt. He might not be looking to date me at all. I need to talk to M more too. He made a comment a week or so ago about being glad C smoked, because before I realized that, he was getting worried. Then he laughed. So I am not at all sure about his feelings on the subject. However, he has made several - well, at least 3 - comments about how I should sleep with and date C.

Oh wow, do I love M! I wouldn't want to hurt him for the world, much less C. I don't know C well at all, at this point. Just thinking about M gets me all squee and smiley.

Gah! Total new topic. M messaged me last night because our plans for the week are Wednesday date day, sleepover and then Thursday playing WarMachine (where I will see C). Apparently, Wednesday is his 10 year wedding anniversary. I was like, dude, we need to reschedule! He went around and around - apparently his son works M, T, Th and F, so he couldn't come over any other evening, so if he stays with his wife on Wednesday, the two of us won't have time together. I told him he needed to be with her, so his suggestion was maybe have her go out with us Wednesday night! I told him that would make me feel VERY uncomfortable. He finally came back and said he thinks they are going to celebrate on the weekend, so our plans could remain the same. I asked him - wouldn't he be weirded out, sleeping with me on his wedding anniversary?! He said he didn't know. I told him to get back to me with firm plans.

Just wow.
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