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  #661  
Old 10-17-2013, 04:49 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Wow! That's a lot of grief to deal with at once. Sending my sympathies.
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  #662  
Old 10-17-2013, 04:51 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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She told me several days ago, but Matt sensed something in my best friend when they visited us in July/August. He was not mad or anything. He stated that she was in love with me, and he could tell by the way she was looking at me; with love. I briefly covered it in another post within this blog. I did not think anything of it because I am oblivious to the obvious. She might have been in love with me for years, dropping subtle hints, and I never would have picked up on it. Chances are, this is the first time she has said it outright but not the first time she has hinted at it. I miss subtleties.

Our flirty, intimate friendship has been the norm for years. Matt is comfortable with it and said it would be unusual if we did not behave the way we do. When they were here, to an outsider looking in, I am sure we looked like a couple when in public. We hold hands, flirt, cuddle, and even share kisses. DH refers to her as my non-sexual girlfriend. Matt, her husband, their girlfriend, and I are great friends. No one bats an eyelash when we flirt up a storm. The only person who had an issue with it was Si, and my best friend told her that she was there before her and would be there long after her. (Never dreamed she would be right.) She was never keen on Si because she felt like she could not be trusted. It was not her trying to break up the relationship. She was cordial towards Si, but they were not friends.

Our conversation was interesting. I have not broached the subject with him because I am not entertaining the notion. I agreed to be mono, and I have every intention of sticking to it. I do not want him thinking that I was secretly plotting and planning to pull a stunt like this all along. During the flight, he was outlining the positives of a hypothetical relationship with my best friend. Being primary, secondary, or having an interdependent model would be impossible because she lives in the States, has no intention of relocating, and has two live-in primaries, minor children, and a tertiary. My children know her as Aunt XYZ and their godmother, so she would not try to be their second mother, take over parenting, and she has children of her own. She has no way to be overly involved in day to day affairs or be a third party in our marriage. There would be no reason to be out locally or to our families because they are aware of the friendship and who she is and because of distance, neither would see the romantic side. She respects him and his role in my life, so a repeat of what happened with Si is unlikely. I cannot speak for him, but it seems like he is not exactly opposed to me being in a relationship with her. I wonder if he is checking off the things on that laundry list of boundaries. He is not here right now, but I want to pick apart his brain.

It kind of makes me wonder if Matt's issues are with poly as a whole or more specifically with Si/how she conducted herself, the lack of balance, shitty communication, and the piss poor the management. I cannot get an accurate read, and I am not trying to master the art of assumption.

For the first eight years of our relationship and subsequent marriage, it was smooth sailing. Of course, Si did not appoint herself to be my co-primary until the middle of our relationship. Like most people claim, I did NOT sign up for that. That was not the natural shape the relationship had taken on. For all intents and purposes, she was secondary. She wanted more, and I should have stepped back when I realised I could not be that for her. I loved her, so I tried to make it work. As we see, it failed, and I should have ended it when I realised I did not have the time or desire for two primary entanglements. I never wanted to be responsible for meeting all of her needs. When I met her and during the first several years of our relationship, I did not have that responsibility. Then again, I also did not have two small children, a full-time career, and a neglected husband.

I think he might be trying to see if I am going to take the bait and contemplate the offer of a poly relationship again. Maybe not. I am not going to assume I know what his motives are. He is not the sneaky type. Maybe he had a breakthrough of sorts and realises poly is not the devil, and I was involved with someone who had questionable ways. I will talk to him just to gauge his feelings on the subject, but under no circumstances am I entertaining it.

I will talk to her, too. I need to know where her head is and why now when she is aware of the agreement, the decision to be in a mono marriage, Matt's feelings, and everything that transpired over the past several months. I also want to know what a tertiary relationship with me could bring to her life that our friendship is not already providing. We talk via text, e-mail, and Skype every day. We end every conversation with "I love you." We share "I miss you's." We see each other every 2-3 months. We are affectionate and unusually passionate about one another. It is the weirdest and most beautiful friendship. Our families get on well and are friends. We go on holiday together. I have seen her at her best and worst. We provide support to one another. She is flying in just to attend my great aunt's funeral with us and to provide support. Her children are my godchildren and vice versa. What else is there? The sexual component? I do not know.

Admittedly, she is special to me and a necessary person in my life. We have thirty years of friendship and a romantic past. She is my first serious and long-term love. Are there feelings there? I have no idea. We split up 14 years ago. I do affectionately describe her as being the Jacob to my Bella, and Matt being my Edward, like Twilight. That has been going on since we saw the original Twilight.

Why now, and what is Matt driving at? Things that make you go, "Hmm." This is the kind of distraction I need, so they say everything happens for a reason.
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Last edited by FullofLove1052; 10-17-2013 at 04:58 PM.
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  #663  
Old 10-17-2013, 09:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
The only person who had an issue with it was Si, and my best friend told her that she was there before her and would be there long after her. (Never dreamed she would be right.) She was never keen on Si because she felt like she could not be trusted.
I believe Matt tried to tell you the same thing. Listen to your friends and husband, they definitely can see things about people that you block out. This is good information to know for the future.


Quote:
It kind of makes me wonder if Matt's issues are with poly as a whole or more specifically with Si/how she conducted herself, the lack of balance, shitty communication, and the piss poor the management.
AND how you conducted yourself!

There is a lot to be said for not feeling threatened and KNOWING you can trust someone to respect your primary relationship. Obviously not the time to go jumping off new bridges, but it does give you something to talk about and discuss with the counselor.

Don't think too hard on this, just enjoy the Non-Sexual Girlfriend status.
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  #664  
Old 10-17-2013, 10:53 PM
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Sounds like Matt's wisdom was largely the reason why you didn't end up going to visit the U.K. by yourself. I can't imagine carrying the burden of so much death (and pending death) all at once. It's good that you've had a support system by your side.

I would say that you are fortunate in inheriting "the right genes." My ancestors didn't leave me great genetic material to work with. My father's side of the family is clueless and my mother's side of the family is nuts. I've been on medication for many a year and I'm still stressed out most of the time.

With all that's on your mind these days, I'd recommend approaching the best-friend situation with unhurried caution. There are so many riddles to solve about Si, poly, and how it all affected Matt. Remember many of Matt's walls are still up. You need more information about right where he stands, and how to do right by him in the future.

Sometimes it helps to just try to focus on what you do have in life (when there's so much you've lost or are losing). Some things can't be fixed per se, they just have to be accepted and acknowledged.

Good luck with the rest of your trip.
Sincerely,
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  #665  
Old 10-17-2013, 11:02 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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You are absolutely right. I keep great and protective people around me. Everyone picked up on it at different times. My best friend and MIL? The first time they met her. My MIL said that she shifty eyes and needed to be watched like a hawk in the sky. She probably knew what she was up to when she referred to her as Matt's visible replacement. My best friend just did not believe that she could be trusted and firmly stood by her claim that she was no good for me until the end. Matt? Years in to the relationship when he was around her, he got a taste of it. He always had a nagging feeling and tried to express that without coming off like he was trying to tell me how to live. I did not hear him out. Matt is a very good judge of character, and I should have listened to all of them. I guess I just did not want to believe anything bad about her. Love can make you blind and a fool for some people.

How I conducted myself goes without saying. I played my role in this disastrous turn of events. I have owned up to everything and earned a significant amount of his trust back.

You are right again. There is a huge difference between a cowgirl and someone who respects the individual and the unit as a whole. Matt and my best friend have gotten on well since day one. There is a huge level of mutual respect, and if I were to consider getting in to a relationship with her, he knows how much she respects him and would never set out to break us apart or disrespect him/any established boundaries. I think that is what stopped her from admitting her feelings earlier. There is a certain level of security and comfort that comes with that mutual respect, which could explain why he is not flat out saying he is 100% against a hypothetical relationship. I would not be surprised if she talked to him before me. It is not in her nature to overstep lines. That could very well be why he brought it up.

It is not the time to start something new, but there is no harm in open discussion. We have made so much progress, and I want to stay on the path of a healthy marriage. We have a counselling appointment from 7-8:15 AM tomorrow morning. We are contending with a 10 hour time difference, but our counsellor worked with us and we are pretty close to our usual time with her. This will be discussed during the appointment and over time. We have a date tomorrow night, and I would prefer not to overshadow our evening with any of the sadness around us or anything outside of our sugary cocoon.

I am slated to have dinner with her Saturday night, so we will discuss it then. I have already ran it past Matt to make sure he was really okay with it. He is fine with it but confused as to why I felt the need to tell him. Two words: full disclosure.

I am not thinking about it too much. The initial shock and huh factor is slowly wearing off. Apparently, we have been enjoying NSG aspect for years. I am just the last to know and realise what it has been all this time. I am looking forward to seeing her this weekend. Hopefully, Matt and his best friend will avoid their other friends and their Hangover like antics.
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  #666  
Old 10-17-2013, 11:18 PM
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Yeah, full disclosure is a good idea. Better "too much info" than to run the risk of too little.

I feel that you are handling things in the right way. It's true that love can make us blind but even without that "emotional drug," we can't see everything.
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  #667  
Old 10-20-2013, 11:07 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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I am back in Oz. I did not want to miss a full week of work waiting around for another funeral. My uncle passed away about 12 hours after we arrived in the UK. My aunt decided to contain it, and she started telling the family after midnight and the wee hours of the morning of Friday. She said he woke up, and he was in a lot of pain. She encouraged him to go back to sleep until his next dose of Morphine. She told him she loved him and promised to take a nap with him. When she woke up about 5:30 PM, he was gone. The funeral is tentatively set for 26th October.

We left late Saturday night, and we arrived home about four hours ago. My daughter is at school. My son is at the nursery. Matt is at work. We are carrying on as normal. Our children are staying with Nanny J for this second trip. We are seasoned travellers, and we can handle it. Matt and I are leaving late Friday afternoon, and we will be arriving in London Friday morning. After the funeral, we are flying to Nice. My best friend's vow renewal and reception are that evening. We will be flying out a bit before midnight, and we will make it home around 5-6 AM on Monday morning. I realise a turnaround trip will be a lot of wear and tear on my body, but I need a distraction from all the sadness. For me, that is work and normalcy, and I did not want my daughter to miss that much school.

My great aunt's funeral was a beautiful celebration. I have never been too a church with so much spirit. I shed a few tears, but the focus was on celebrating her life. I have never been to a service where the casket was placed by the door, and the viewing took place during the recessional. The ushers started from the last pew and worked their way up, so that the immediately family were the last ones to view her. The funeral director gave them as much time as they needed. Her grandchildren and sons were the pallbearers. Right before they lowered her, her daughter and grandchildren asked if they could open it again, so they could kiss her good-bye. She looked peaceful. She and my uncle were married for 44 years. I cannot picture him without her, and I hope that he, his children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren will rely upon one another for strength.

The most beautiful thing happened. I was visiting with my great-grandmother at her grave (talking to the stone and not worried about anyone but her), and my daughter walked over to me by herself. I started to introduce her, and she stopped me. She said, "No need, mummy. We have already met." was my face. My great-grandmother passed away a couple of weeks before she was born, so when she said she had already met her, I was too stunned to say anything. She just hugged me, held my hand, and sat beside me. We were both being quiet, and she said, "She wants you to know she loves you, too. She also said do not cry for her." I was thinking about how much I loved her, and I was crying. I said, "Who?" She called my great-grandmother by the special name I called her privately. I have never called her that in front of my daughter. I was like, "Oooo-kay." (A little freaked out.) She said, "She is here with us right now. Do you feel her?" At that moment, for the first time since we had been there, the wind blew and the sky cleared up in one spot. The rays of the sun were shining through the clouds. I told my daughter that I definitely felt her presence when I found her and in that moment. That was where I was supposed to be, and she made sure I knew it. I have never felt that calmness before. I am glad I was able to share it with my daughter.
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  #668  
Old 10-21-2013, 02:34 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Default Counselling and the Bestie Situation

Matt and I are doing really well. He is not nearly as guarded. I know he trusts me a hell of a lot more now than he did months ago. The changes are more than apparent. He has been my rock the past few days, and I am blessed to have him. He has kept a smile on my face and just been great all around. Even when I thought I was going to cry, he has made me laugh and remember that trouble will not always last. He beams with positive energy, and it is hard to be in a sad mood around him. He has made sure to give me space, but he does it in a way where he is not far if I need him. Being around him and loving him is easy and natural. Being in such close proximity has done wonders for us. We are still learning how to live with one another full-time, and it has been quite interesting. You know all those quirks you have to learn to live with when you first move in together? We are there. The newness has not worn off, and I glow when I am around him or just thinking of him. We get on well. We have fun with one another, and that was seriously lacking before. We were taking ourselves way too serious, and there were way too many unspoken grievances for us to thoroughly enjoy one another or our marriage. We are no longer hiding anything, but we speak our minds and stand up for what is or is not working for us.

Marriage can be exciting, passionate, and thrilling. It cannot always be about the mortgages, car notes, insurance payments, and all the responsibilities that come with adulthood. When our children grow up and leave the nest, we have to have something to keep us together. Our love for our children will not suffice, and like I told someone, I never believed in happily ever after but I am pretty damn close with him.

I am not sure if it is all the sadness and loss of life around us, but he has just been offering up information without a fight or being prompted. I am not complaining. It is interesting to hear him speaking out. Over the course of multiple hour flights and counselling, we have gotten to the root of many issues. I finally heard him admit how he really feels about Si, why he kept his distance from her for all those years, what he really felt about having her as a metamour, how he really feels about poly, if he could ever be part of a poly marriage, if he has experienced compersion (surprising answer), how he really feels about the possibility of me being in a relationship with my best friend, and the list goes on. We have accomplished more in five days than we have in almost eight months of counselling.

In short, he despises Si. He kept his distance because he felt no need to be close to her or even feign a remote interest. He never viewed her as a metamour or part of the family. To put it bluntly, a match made in hell that God had no hand in putting together. His exact words. He deemed her as someone to watch and not for a good reason. Being part of a poly arrangement is not a no, but there are certain stipulations. He would not want to be part of something new with a person who has to earn his trust, but as he told our therapist, he has technically been part of a V for all these years. Once again, he was talking about with my bestie. He said, "The only people who do not consider themselves a couple are the two people in that relationship." She asked, "How do you feel about the prospect of a relationship budding?" He told her that my best friend was always a welcome addition to our family, and as far as he was concerned, we have been together. She asked him something about his initial feelings on poly, and he corrected her. He told her that it was not the idea of poly he had an issue with. It was always Si and her ways. She ruined it for him, and he would rather stick to monogamy than deal with a new person and run the risk of Si Part Deux. He told her to notice how every branch lead back to the root called Si. He compared being around Si to the pain after having wisdom teeth extracted. He said I kept subjecting him to being around her with my "incessant need for togetherness and unity," and every time, it felt like that pain. Tis true. I wanted this big happy poly family, and he needed two separate relationships with minimal need for paths to ever cross. Namely because she was not high on his list of people he cared to be around. He tolerated her presence because he loved me. He respected the relationship but did not respect her. He broke it down, and it is safe to say that all of my questions were answered.

The most surprising thing was he HAS felt compersion, but it was not with my Si. He told our therapist that she never asked the question in the right form. Seeing me with my best friend makes him happy. Seeing me with Si elicited disgust and dislike. My relationship with her rubbed him wrong. He was never particularly keen on her. He is genuinely happy that I have her in my life, and he could not be happier that Si is out. He said that she felt more like a metamour than my ex ever did in 12 years. That is a strong statement. He gets on well with her, trusts her, respects her, and knows that she would never hurt me. He feels no type of threat from her. The comparisons are like night and day. His thoughts on a potential relationship between us were his own. In counselling he told me--in a joking manner--that if he was me, he'd be expecting anniversary gifts from her. He also said that I should call her what she really is; my girlfriend.

I had dinner with my best friend, and it was quite enjoyable. Then again, what was not to enjoy? I had Matt's blessing. I needed to get away from the sadness of the day, and I am glad we were able to talk privately. I appreciated her honesty, and it was heartfelt and sincere. Just as I thought, she checked with him before spilling out her guts. He did not feel that it was his place to let the cat out of the bag. He showed me their e-mails. She noticed him observing how she behaved around me, and she admitted her feelings after they left. Two and half months later, she decided to tell me. She wanted to make sure she was not overstepping his boundaries and coming off as selfish and having ulterior motives. I now understand his reluctance at signing an agreement like what I suggested. He had this knowledge and information that I was not privy to.

During dinner, she opened up to me. It was a very easy conversation. She just asked me to open my heart and my ears to accept what she was saying and not interrupt her. She admitted that she never actually stopped loving me, and she is in fact in love with me. She said she was not expecting the feelings to be reciprocated and never actually expected a discussion beyond that day, so getting back together was rather unattainable in her mind. With all the loss I had recently suffered, she felt like I needed to know. How often do we hear, "I never got to say xyz to this person before they left here?" I can understand that.

He asked me after we had dinner Saturday night, "How was your date?" I kept telling him it was not a date. He said, "Let's see. It was just the two of you. You went out with someone you love and care about. You seemed like you had a good time. You probably talked about likes, dislikes, shared feelings, had a stimulating conversation, probably flirted, shared some PDA...sounds like a date to me." He actually wanted to hear about my dinner with her. At no point did he ever care what was going on between Si and myself. The questions he asked were not just scratching the surface, but they were thought provoking.

He was curious about my feelings for her. Like I told him...I do not know. We have not been romantically involved in 14 years. Do I care about her? Yes. Do I love her? Yes. Can I see my life without her? No. Am I in love with her? To be determined. Have some feelings been stirred by the recent admissions? Yes. Am I attracted to her? Yes, but it is not in a sexual way right now. Being a demi is complicated. Do I want to be in a relationship with her? I honestly do not know. I have admitted all of the above to him.

Due to our policy, I did tell him about our kiss. It was different than the ones we have shared before. There was something a little different behind it. I know I do not kiss other friends like that. He was not upset by it or anything. In his own cheeky way, he aired his opinions on what that something else behind it was.

He is encouraging me to embrace whatever it is that my bestie and I have and properly explore it. I reminded him about our agreement, and he just kind of shrugged it off. I have to think about all of the ins, outs, and ramifications. On the outside looking in, the changes look minimal. A change in title, potential sexual relationship, and she would be relegated to tertiary status because she lives in the States. It is easy to be accepting of things when NOT in a situation or position to have to accept them. I made enough mistakes the last time, and if this were to happen, I have to ask myself a series of questions and be confident in my answers.

I would expect him to be pulling me away from whatever this is, but he is not. I have no idea why I would expect that. He is not in the habit of controlling me or telling me what to do, so if he did that, it would be uncharacteristic. I am committed to our agreement, regardless of his dismissive stance. If anything is going to change, we have to mutually agree that it is for the best for all parties involved. I think he trusts that I am perfectly happy and content with him, and I do not need or want anyone else.

One thing I know is I am not making any decisions right now or any time soon. Grieving, mourning, and life changing decisions? Never a good mix. I am still not completely entertaining the idea. I have no problem discussing it with both--separately and together, but there is quite a bit to think about. I am going to enjoy it for what it is and not worry or stress about anything else.
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  #669  
Old 10-21-2013, 06:05 AM
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Must be a little confusing, knowing how far south things turned with Si and how much poly hurt Matt, and now to actually have him encouraging you to countenance a growing relationship with your best friend. I am sure you are terrified of making a mistake and messing up again.

I feel that you need some time to think about this, as well as some more time to discuss it with Matt. Let's make sure he's not thinking, "I knew she was going to force poly back down my throat again anyway; it might as well be with this best friend." We need to know that he truly feels good about her, trusts her, and is comfortable with poly in that context.

It would be a huge change, despite the tertiary status. Talking and thinking about it is already a big change, so that's what I recommend for quite awhile. Make sure to do lots more talking with the counselor about it too.

Don't get me wrong, she sounds like a wonderful person and a much better candidate for a poly arrangement than Si was. I just know how much you and Matt have both been hurt by poly (even if Si is the real culprit). We've got a long blog here of swearing up and down that poly is done, gone, finished, not to be considered ever again. Well I guess they say never say never, but, I officially advise you to be careful.

What a wonderful experience with your daughter in the cemetary. Almost sounded like "The Sixth Sense" for a minute there. I will just have to file it away in my mind and think about it for quite awhile.
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Old 10-22-2013, 12:07 PM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Matt is a complicated being. Nothing is as simple as it seems with him. I have pretty much figured out why Matt is pushing me towards a another relationship. A poly marriage seems easier than scraping the past and starting over. Admittedly, it is daunting. For 13 years (11 years of marriage), that was all he has ever known.

He abandoned monogamy when he started dating me and spent years struggling to cope with what I had brought in to his life. Not an ounce of compersion for my ex. She irritated the piss out of him, so he kept his distance as long as possible. He was fighting what came naturally. Monogamy was never part of the picture, and he buried the need for it after struggling for so long. He revealed this is partially why he kept his distance away from Si. He wanted nothing to do with her because she was a constant reminder of what he had to give up. To him, she was a block to monogamy, and he knows it with certainty now. I have said it once, and I will say it again. If I had not met Si, I would never have entered in to another relationship. I say that with conviction. My demisexuality eliminates that likelihood, as I do not date or seek love. When I met someone, they are a friend and nothing more. With the exception of the five friends-turned romantic interests-back to friends for some, that is it on the romantic front. DH, my best friend, and Si are 3/5.

His needs went unmet because I did not back away when a relationship's natural state--that was meant to be secondary--evolved in to primary. I did not want that with her. I dealt with it the best I could, but like many people say, I did not sign up for that. I did it because I loved her, but shit love is not enough. He certainly did not sign up for that, and it was unfair to him. I gave a relationship with a cowgirl the chance to grow and overshadow our marriage. If she had those tendencies before, he was shielded from it because they were not around one another for years. I promised him one thing, and it shot straight to hell when she decided that was going to stop being poly. With a decision like that, you cannot just drop it in to someone's life and expect them to pick up the slack because you desired a change. That needs to be discussed and not assumed. I know him, and I know he is thinking along the same lines. Despite his dislike of the past arrangement and many grievances, he did not sign up for this and all these changes. The past seems to be a safety net of sorts. This new stuff? Freefalling like in Auckland. He was relegated to a position of secondary and undermined as a parent, and now, he is primary and the only other parent. What he says regarding our children is respected. That alone is a major difference.

I also believe he thinks that I will not be happy with having a man only in my life forever. I was a lesbian when he met me, and I guess I could be classified as being "bisexual" for all the years of our relationship. Bisexual really does not fit because I was not sexually attracted to another female or even male for that matter. Being a demi is interesting. I also wonder how hard it is for him to believe that I am willing to give up a potential relationship with a woman and any dealings with poly because I love him that much and honestly can see myself only being with him. Someone pointed out that quantitative love is something he has never experienced. My love was always shared, and he has all of it and is at a loss as to what to do with it. I have put myself in his shoes, and the known territory seems easier to live with (i.e.) settle for than erasing 13 years of relationship style. In his mind, I did not love him enough to give it up poly all the other years, so what is different now? I did not love him enough to heed his warnings, so why am I listening now and avoiding the black hole that I sometimes consider poly to be? I did not love him enough to honour agreements between us and remember what he said about the style he needed from the beginning, so why am I doing it now?

I would be willing to bet he is clinging to the idea of poly to avoid heartbreak and disappointment. Once somebody has let you down and lost all of your trust, nothing will ever be the same. We can spend years rebuilding trust, and in the back of his mind, he is always going to wonder, "Is today going to be the day she takes up another relationship or wants to be with a woman?" He is guarded, and he has told himself not to get too comfortable because he is expecting disappointment. I foresee a hell of a lot more counselling in our future.

How devastating would it be if I were to decide I could not handle an agreement like ours and wanted another relationship? At this point, we have spent months together and building a mono marriage. He has gotten used to me being here every night. He has gotten used to having a voice that is respected and heard. He has gotten used to waking up next to me. He has gotten used to feeling loved. He has gotten used to having a full-time wife and having a real marriage. He has gotten used to family time. He is happy, and it makes me feel freaking wonderful. He had happy moments before, but the happiness he has now is genuine and an every day thing. He has built his expectations up, and I am meeting all of them without missing a beat. I have kept my word. I have been working my arse off to earn his trust back. He is not alone or contending with a marriage on paper. You cannot tell me it would not be a devastating blow if someone walked in and changed all of this. It would seem like it was happening all over again, and if it did happen, there is nothing that would keep him here.

Another relationship? I have too much to lose now. I love my husband too much to sacrifice what we have and to ever disappoint him like I did before. It is the beginning of something beautifully and our second chance to create a masterpiece. I guess I have made my decision regarding the situation with my best friend. The relationship needs to stay as it is. I do not need our counsellor to tell me what I already know. Nothing good will come of changing the relationship to anything more than what it is. I am loving my life with my man a little bit too much to have eyes for another soul.

My goal is to work on earning more of his trust back and helping him to believe that I am in this for the long-haul with him. I do not need anyone else, and I certainly do not want anyone else. No one else can love me like he can, and I want him to believe in his heart that I am not even remotely close to being through loving him and creating what we have. That is that.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.
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anger management, bisexual female, blame, break-ups, breaking up, changing loyalties, children, co-parenting, competition, coupledom, demanding partners, divorce, forgiveness, from poly to mono, healing, making excuses, married and polyamorous, poly co-parenting, poly to mono, primary/secondary, therapy, triad fallout, trust, vee dynamics, vee vs. triad

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