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Old 03-11-2010, 06:54 PM
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Lemondrop Lemondrop is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Rocky Mountains, USA
Posts: 305

I don't know, I kind of think I would have had the same reaction. The second my husband got the call to come play, I would feel that he should have stood up and said, "Hey, you said some s**tty things about my wife/partner and I don't want to be around that." Would he have said that? Pretty unlikely. It took me 15 years to get him to tell his father that we decided as a couple that I would be a stay-at-home mother and I wasn't a sponge and I wasn't getting a job so get over it. Would my boyfriend have said that? I really, really doubt that--it's not in his nature. Would my girlfriend have said that? In a hot minute. And she would have given them a piece of her mind and a clear picture of how their behavior would change. Would I have said that? I hope so, but I've been weak and dumb in the past.

What is your ideal outcome here? Do you just want some rules laid out? Do you want it enough to prevent your boys from socializing? What is your priority here? Do you want your boys to hang out with these friends (who would have thought we'd have to socialize our partners like we socialize our kids?) enough to tolerate their bad behavior in the past on probation? With the understanding that misbehavior gets you booted until you can behave in a respectful manner? Do you trust your boys to figure out that they don't want to be around people who think they have a right to judge you?

For myself, I know that I can't control what other people say or do behind my back, but they darn well better show polite behavior to my face or I don't come back. I think I would give everyone the benefit of a doubt--because I think it's good for my boys to socialize, and because I know my husband is a social boy and because I know that Sunday won't unless he's prodded, and because it's been a while and maybe the others have learned some manners. I would have to trust that my boys will have good sense and not spend time with someone who is disrespectful to me. I would complain a lot in the background. I don't have any experience with people who were as confrontational as they've been with you, but they tend to be threatened by strong women. Perhaps it would be helpful to discuss with Maca and GG what they will do if certain criticisms are mentioned? It might help reassure you that they do know what to do if the situation comes up.

Sorry that I probably rambled. The bottom line is...I'd give it a chance and see what happened. But I truly sympathize with you. I hate when I have to be the bigger person to people who don't deserve it. But I have found often that it paid off, and I was able to repair or build at least a working relationship with the other people.
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