Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 03-10-2010, 10:47 PM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510
Default Difficulty in New Dynamic

I'm having a struggle-this may get long, I'm sorry.

One of the odd things in our situation is that all of my friends are also friends with GG. But not all of his friends are mine. Some of them I've never met, some just don't like me, though they really don't KNOW me.

Maca really doesn't have any "friends". He socializes with a couple co-workers in summer (fishing) and fall (hunting), he has a brother and he talks to my bil.

GG has one group of "friends" (guy friends) who hate me. Two are his younger brothers. The others are friends. These guys have spent YEARS hanging out as a group. They play RPG's, party, smoke pot, drink, whatever.

I've known GG longer than all of the guys in this group except for his two brothers and one who was his boss when we met.

So-the boss met GG and I at roughly the same time (we both got jobs in the same place within a few days of one another). At that time I was an 18 yo mother and very much in a self-destructive, "men are scum" revenge mode as far as dating goes. GG was a COMPLETELY innocent 17 year old. His boss told him he needed to stay away from me, because I'd play him and leave him broken in my path.

Pretty much that was true-except that in MY eyes he was a boy, not a man. I differentiated between the two, because I ADORED my baby brother. GG was so innocent-there was no mistaking that he wasn't out hurting women with his exploits, so I never went there.

He fell for me, and I held him at bay. A variety of reasons not pertinent to THIS issue.

He and his boss became friends, and this group of guys formed in the years following. For reasons only guys would understand I was brought up in discussion during their "hanging out".
Mind you-GG and I remained VERY close friends through all of this. It was COMMON for him to spend the night with me. He took vacation time to spend time with me, we went out with my daughter together, we went out with whoever I was dating together, we went out alone together-all of the time.
But I was never involved in ANY activity that included these guys.

After his brothers were grown, they joined in the group of guys (up to this time I got along well with both of them). At that point it became obvious that they suddenly thought I was a piece of crap. They became downright rude and disrespectful and it became evident that there was a WHOLE story that I was missing details about.

One particular day GG called me, sick as a dog. He'd gone home from work early and was MISERABLE. I told him I'd come by, pick up a tape I wanted to borrow and drop off some oj and soup.
When I got there, the oldest of the brothers was there and told me GG was in bed and "he doesn't want any company". Having JUST gotten off the phone with him I knew it was b.s. I told him I knew damn well he was in bed. I walked through the door, under his arm and proceeded (with him telling me I had no right) down the hall to GG's room.
I found him as expected miserable and in bed. I sat on the edge of the bed, brushed his hair out of his face, kissed his forehead, checked his temperature, found the c.d. dropped off the stuff I took him and just ran my fingers over his back gentle (the way he likes) until he passed back out again. Then I left in silence.

After that it was common when I would call for one or another of the guys answer the phone and attempt to give me a line of reasons why I couldn't talk to GG. It didn't go over well with me and eventually I got pretty rude and demanding. In all of this-GG and I were STILL spending time together and socializing like NOTHING had changed between us, so there was no reason to believe he had anything to do with their behavior.
I had already figured out-and talked with him about the fact that they thought I was "using him" (no idea what FOR as we weren't dating, he wasn't babysitting for me, giving me money, sex etc) and that I was just a "stupid bitch" or "whore" or whatever.

So-here we are NOW; he's my boyfriend in a polyamorous relationship. We're in a V with my husband Maca (I being the hinge)...
One of the guys has since made "peace" with me and Maca and knows all of this.

The rest have not and do not.

The one who does is pushing to "rebuild" the friendship between GG and the others (he moved in with us 7 yrs or so ago and their socializing dropped off significantly because we live 45 min away in another town)....

So he wants to start up a D&D night for them. He's invited my 10 year old (whose not going) and Maca....

Saturday Maca and GG are going to go hang out, set up the game, start playing etc....

So my issue is that I think it's TOTAL BULLSHIT that they are even GOING without GG having FIRST taken the guys (one by one) aside, explained to them that I AM his girlfriend and that if they are going to rebuild a friendship then they will have to be RESPECTFUL of me in that role.
I don't care if we (they and I) are never "friends".

But I DO care about them hanging out with GG if they are going to continue talking shit about me behind my back.

I have even BIGGER issues with Maca getting involved at all (he doesn't even KNOW these guys at this point) if they are going to be doing that shit.

There is no issue with the 10 year old, I'm mom, and I said no way.

But am I "off" in my thoughts/expectations with GG and Maca?

I can't even identify a specific emotion right now. I feel numb..... It's been bothering me for a few weeks. I've been waiting to see what was going to come of it, and to try to analyze my emotions. But... well I guess I need input, cause I'm not getting very far....
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote

consideration, expectations, friends, loyalty, priorities

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 03:38 PM.