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Old 03-10-2010, 04:22 PM
vidar vidar is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
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Default New and Issues already

Hi there, let me start by giving a background before my question.

I'm quite new to Poly, but have been around it for quite some time. Recently I started dating someone who also has been around Poly for a long time. She was a secondary in a relationship prior to meeting me. When we got together we discussed that, and she ended up not seeing her other partner anymore. I didn't request that, didn't even hint at it. I was cool with her seeing someone else.

I also was in a relationship with someone. Not a physical relationship (it was, but then we drifted apart that way). My new partner and I considered it an active relationship and talked to her about it as well. We all agreed everything was good.

That was about a year ago. Now, in the last few months, I became attracted to a friend of mine. She felt the same, but wasn't sure about the poly thing. I explained it as best I could to her, and she got the idea. We talked with my "primary" partner as well, and everything seemed good. We laid down some ground rules and all was going well.

Well, I used past tense there for a reason. My "primary" is bi, and therefore has no issues touching, cuddling, kissing or anything else with my new partner. HOWEVER. My new partner is not really into that. She wants to be dating ME, not my partner. She's having a hard time expressing that to my partner for fear that she will lose me in the deal. I don't want to lose her either, but I'm sure things can be worked out quite well.

My "primary" is now concerned that she's standing in the way of my new girl and I having a fabulous relationship. I must say, I've seen that myself too. I want to have a deeper relationship with my new girlfriend, but I can never seem to get "alone" time with her. It always ends up being all three of us, which makes 2 out of the 3 of us uncomfortable.

There are many other issues in this primary relationship that are going to have to be addressed, but at this point, I'm not ready to address some of them. I almost want to end the primary relationship and take on my new girlfriend full time, in a monogamous way.

I'm fine with the poly lifestyle, but it sure isn't easy.
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